the holiday challenge

Holidays.

Everybody has a favorite. But when you're the pastor's family, holiday choices convictions sometimes become a bigger deal than they would be for other people. If you don't celebrate a certain holiday (say, Halloween?) church members may feel that you're judging them if they do. Or if you celebrate a holiday (say, Passover?) then others may feel that you think less of them if they don't.

In our home (the Asaftei's), we keep our holidays simple. We feel that Jesus is best glorified when our celebratory experiences are focused on him. That means we pretty much skip all the stuff that's driven by materialism, consumerism, celebrities and/or a ton of unhealthy junk that's going to make us sick next week anyway.

When people ask questions, we try to give sweet, simple answers that don't demean or condemn but still clearly explain the reason why we made our choice.

How about you? How do you deal with the challenge of holidays?
What are your convictions? Have you taken flak for them?

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PMS WEEK:: mentorship tips

Tips:

1. Do your homework. Find out who mentors the person you are interested in asking to be your mentor.

2. Have a plan. Be clear on what you are expecting out of the relationship and where you want to grow to.

3. If you are doing group mentoring, or instruction based training, get as much information and resources, specific to your needs as you can. Don't be shy and especially if your paying for it, speak up. Many times the speaker is reading the audience and will go in the direction of questions.

4. Do take risks in your relationship, don't be afraid of disclose. Your hurt can only turn into a scar when it's been healed. Sometimes one word, one sentence, one highlight from scripture interpretation can set you on the right track.

5. Always asks for best practices. Implementing them will save you time, energy and heartache.

6. Mentoring gives you accountability, embrace it.

Resources:

In Spring of 2012, CLUTCHtalk will be bringing to you CLUTCHtalk mentoring groups. Additional information to come. If you are interested in leading a CLUTCHtalk mentoring group, email Sarah@CLUTCHtalk.org.

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PMS WEEK:: mentorship can transform your life (part 2)

We've established that mentoring makes you a better you. There are various types of mentoring to engage in. I've listed a few below.

• One-on-One Mentoring
• Group Mentoring
• Training-Based Mentoring
• Executive Mentoring

Mentoring is a process of the experienced advising the inexperienced. Instructional based counseling given from real-life experience. Most mentors love mentoring, it's self fulfilling, their way of giving back. Some mentoring relationships that begin are intentional, others are naturally developed as a relationship evolves. It IS okay to ask someone to be your mentor as well. Be clear on what you are expecting from the relationship, but never be afraid. A good mentor often flows with the power of suggestion. Not making decisions for you, but throwing suggestions on the table of how they would handle it, have handled it or potential for your existing situation.

Mentoring has personally transformed my life. My husband and I purchased our first home when we were 19 & 20 years old, that's young homeowners for you in the 90's. Wouldn't of happened without a mentor. By the time I was 21, I was in a managerial position making more money annually then some men made to support their families of four. Definately, would not have happened without a mentor. My corporate mentoring began at age 17, (graduated-early birthday). Mentoring coupled with God's favor took me to Executive level work by my mid twenties, I was ramping up, expanding and managing companies with local, national and global cliental.

All the while my life as a Pastor's Wife suffered. I wasn't typical or traditional by the slightest and did I mention for the majority of my church life I had a female pastor. So I never saw one modeled with the exception of when I was a child and frankly she was an overbearing terror and hurt a lot of people back then. I didn't know how to be a supportive ministry wife. I knew how to co-labor with my husband because it came natural but all the in's and out's of ministry, then life in the ministry with children. Ha, ha, I learned first and did the best I could. In 2003, I found my first Pastor's Wife mentor. She was our new Senior Pastor's wife. Our relationship taught me so much. Over the years, I have added other mentors as our personal network grew. The best gift they have given me, is the gift of best practices. Every PW goes through different seasons. It was different before we had the boys, when they were infants, toddlers and now pre-school and 1st grade.

I continue to grow my sphere of mentors and especially with a new church where we are the founding pastors. Mentoring never ends. Your mentor may change, but please keep receiving mentoring.

Tomorrow we will have a list of different resources for you. A place to start and reach out to find yourself a mentor!

And you know, a side note, maybe you are ready to be a mentor. Your life experiences count for more then what you may think. There are people out there waiting to hear your voice!

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PMS WEEK:: mentorship can transform your life (part 1)

Mentoring is our PMS topic of the week. Did you realize mentoring is relational and coaching is functional? Both are different yet tend to cross lanes?

I thought about writing the difference between coaching and mentoring. Then I thought I'd break down compatibility vs. comparability. Later I brainstormed I could elaborate on how to find a mentor, what to look for in a mentor and how to be a good mentoree. Instead, I decided to tell you stories, true stories and we'll cover the other details tomorrow in part 2.

(names have been changed)

Mike and Emily have been married three years. In three years their credit score has gone from excellent to no one will lend you a dollar. They lost their home, they drive a not so new car and their financial world came crumbling down when Mike accepted a position at a church and well, never got paid. After month one, the salary was suppose to be dispersed and it didn't come. Behind one bill here then there, then it turned into a mudslide. Mike didn't want to verbally slam the Pastor but at the same time his financial world was falling a part. Mike and Emily felt like failures, how could they be following God and this happens. He obviously had to quit and find another position else where but as you are going through an ugly process especially where money and people are involved it's very hard. Emily reached out to her mentor because she began to grow resentful of the money and ministry situation. A lot of times when you are walking through a situation, you need a corner man. Someone to look in from the outside and tell you what they see. Emily was willing to disclose, that means overcoming trust barriers, self branding complex, and reach out for help. Emily reaching out, helped save her marriage, their finances and their ministry.

Janie Joe was married to Johnny Jacobs. Together they looked so happy, but in reality they had mastered the art of being fake. Janie Joe and Johnny Jacobs really hated each other. The thought of one another made them sick. They stayed together because it was easy. I believe he said and I quote "It is cheaper to keep her." Every week he'd man the pulpit and week after week the congregation would decline. He finally was consumed with anger all the time. He'd verbally lash out at Janie Joe and the kids. Finally at a breaking point Janie Joe reached out to a mentor. Someone who had walked in the ministry shoes she walked in. They offered prayer, and became actively involved in helping restore this couple. But what if Janie Joe had a mentor from the on set. What could have been.....

Jack and Susie are planting a church. They have no funds and have used his last paycheck to start the church. They are definitely called but their strategy for taking their city is not aligned correctly. They have a great heart and good intentions. For six years, their church plant struggled. Their core team quite after the first two years, they simply were unable to get it up. Should they have had network support, the opportunity to learn from other leaders experiences how different would their life have been? Six years, eight years later they are still in the boat of beginning stages.

These are just tiny pieces to huge, long, three hour stories. But I want to convey to you the need for a mentor. We all have our own stories. Some super easy and fun, others rough and rugged. Tomorrow we will cover how to find a mentor? What to expect and a few other key points.

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PMS WEEK::mentoring can be scary

Yes, we know, the idea of finding a mentor can be daunting. But the idea of living out ministry without a support network is scary too.

Finding a mentor, and accepting mentorship, requires a certain sense of humility. An acknowledgement that you don't actually know everything. A willingness to trust.

And then there's the flip side. No matter how long you've been a PW - odds are that someone you'll meet is even less experienced. So are you brave enough to share what you've learned? Are you honest and open enough to pass on the lessons God has given you so far, in a spirit of sweetness and understanding, to someone who might benefit?

Titus 2 tells us that it is important for older women to train younger women (or, in the PW case, more experienced women to mentor those less experienced), so that "they will not bring shame on the word of God." (Titus 2:5, NLT)

Ever thought about it that way? Mentorship can help us avoid bringing shame to God. We might learn something from someone else's story that would keep us from making innocent mistakes. Or another PW might be able to help us wrestle through something not so accidental.

Either way, it's worth it!

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PMS WEEK::the mistake of going it alone

Life alone is tough. Especially as a pastor's wife.

"I'm not alone!" you say? "I have my family, my husband, my friends..." 

Okay, fine. Maybe you have a thriving social life. But that's not really what we're talking about. We're talking about mentorship. To whom do you go when you can't figure something out? Which sources do you probe for ministry answers? 

Do you just get the opinions of your friends? Or your siblings? Or your parents? Maybe they will have very wise counsel, but odds are - unless they are also pastor's wives, they won't be able to understand the whole story.

So it's important to seek out mentors who can be there when we need to pray, need to cry, need to receive counsel or process through an issue we are facing.

Do you have a mentor? Have you wished you did? This week we'll talk more about it.

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PMS: weeks in review

In this past year of Clutch, we began to dedicate the first full week of each month to dealing with real, and oftentimes serious, issues that PWs deal with in ministry.
PMS stands for:
Problems
Mistakes
Sin

These, we believe, were some of the most helpful posts that tackled issues head-on. They also featured the victories that many PWs had over these problems, mistakes and sins. For those of you who may have missed it, here's a PMS Year-In-Review.

I'm linking to the first post in the weekly series for each month, so keep clicking "Newer Posts" to read more on the topic for the week.

January
Spousal Abuse
One Woman's Story

February
Sexual Sin
The day everything changed

March
The Demise of Hospitality
Reality Check: The current state of hospitality

April
Forgiveness
Forgiving the big things

May
Mean People
The doctrine of Hate

June
Hospitality @ church
How do YOU find ways to foster warmth and genuine relationships among your church family?


July
How has your role as PW affected your career choices?
The stay-at-home PW

August
How do we maintain our sanity as women married to wonderful but very human men of God - while supporting, respecting, loving, and honoring them?
10 quickest ways to undermine your PH

September
What strategies do you employ to set boundaries in ministry?
Boundaries in your marriage

October
What you would do to help a fellow PW who finds herself in a tough spot?
The reluctant pastor's wife

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PMS: the trapped pastor's wife

Kellee is a fellow pastor's wife that you know casually from Seminary. You run into each other at the mall and she takes you aside and unloads on you. Her husband has cheated on her with a church member. He's unrepentant. Says he's stopped. Wants her to get over it and quit being so angry. He's agreed to go to counseling, but has no time right now. She doesn't know what to do. Doesn't want to leave him. Isn't confident she can make it on her own with her 4 small children. She doesn't want to out him to the church. It will leave her relationship in shambles and the family with no income.

How can you help?

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PMS: the flirty pastor's wife

You and Beverly have been friends since high school and low and behold, you're both pastor's wives! You feel blessed that you have someone around that you can relate to and your husbands are even friends! She invites your family over for a casual BBQ at their home and you notice that that Beverly is extremely friendly with another man. A couple of days later, you inquire about who this guy is and she shares that he's a church member who has become a close family friend. She mentions how he's helping her get back in shape and train for a triathlon. The man is a friend of her family and he's been so kind. He's even lent the couple money when they were in a tight spot, helped them find an affordable car and was even so kind as to help her find a job at his law firm. She goes on and on about how he just "gets her." You're worried that your PW friend is treading in dangerous waters.

Do you confront her? What do you say?

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PMS: the jailed pastor's wife

For the past six months, every 2nd Tuesday of the month, you and Marlene (a local PW) have been going to lunch. You're just getting to the point where you are sharing personal stories and really beginning to trust each other. Then one day, as you're having your morning coffee, you hear Marlene's name on the news. You look up, and there's her photo on the screen. She's shot and killed her PH (this is not outlandish, ladies. It happens). Marlene is now in the county jail. Her children are with family. You're her friend.

How will you show Marlene that you're still her friend, despite the trouble she's in? What will you tell her during your first visit to see her in jail? How will you be a support to her family? Will you raise funds for her defense?

Or be honest, really. Will you just disappear from her life and act like you never knew her (except when you tell the juicy story to friends)?

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PMS: the reluctant pastor's wife

This is Erika, a driven and successful career-woman, married to a pastor. She's the embodiment of the reluctant pastor's wife. She loves her husband, but can't stand his job. She's stopped going to church with him because she can't stand all the ridicule from the members. Even the older minister's wives on staff chastise her (like a child) for the way she dresses and the things she's unwilling volunteer for at church. She's fed up.

Erika is your friend. What advice do you give to her? How do you encourage her?


*These scenarios are fictitious. Any resemblance to real-life events is coincidental.

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PMS week: being there for other PWs

PMS is one week late (does that mean we're pregnant!?), but it's here. This week we will ask you for lots of input. Each day (except Thursday when we take a break for our "cool" feature) we'll ask you a question about what you would do to help a fellow PW who finds herself in a tough spot. We're looking forward to sharing in your wisdom.

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PMS::setting telephone boundaries

Does your phone never stop ringing? Breakfast, supper, family devotions - all interrupted?

Church members have lots of needs. Meeting those needs is what the pastor does for a living. But that doesn't mean that members don't sometimes need to gently learn some boundaries. They still need to respect the pastor's family time.

We've talked about having family day and date nights, but what about the phone that won't quit ringing? Does your otherwise-sensible PH feel like he simply HAS to answer every call? Do you feel guilty telling people that you can't do something?

Here are a few ideas if you and your PH need help getting started:

• Set specific pastoral office hours. Whenever possible, schedule all appointments within those hours. Let members know your planned office hours and then be consistently available during those times.
• Utilize your voicemail. Especially after office hours. If it's an emergency, call them back. If it's not, wait until tomorrow's office hours.
  
• Turn off your home phone ringer in the evenings and on family days and date nights. Let it all go to voicemail. Be sure to check the voicemail for emergencies, but don't feel obligated to respond to things that can wait until tomorrow.
  
• If you have pushy members, consider making a cute but clear answering message that says something like: "You've reached Pastor So-and-So. If it's daytime and I'm not answering the phone it means I'm either in a meeting or helping someone. If it's Wednesday, this is the one day of the week that my kids have unlimited access to my time. If it's Thursday night, then I'm on a romantic date with my wife. Please do leave a message, and I'll be happy to respond when I'm available!"
• When people ask you (the PW) for commitments to participate/attend/whatever, practice a standard answer of: "It sounds great, I'll just have to check with my PH first before I can give you an answer." Urge your PH to do the same, and you can eliminate the majority of your double-bookings and over-commitments.
• Put your family and spouse in your appointment book. When you have a date or a family activity planned, don't be afraid to tell people: "I'm sorry, I have a meeting/appointment/obligation that afternoon, but I'd be happy to meet with you at such-and-such a time instead." If you don't, family and dates easily get pushed aside - because everything in ministry seems so urgently important. So just lock it on your calendar and don't budge.

Got more? How do you set boundaries while serving unselfishly? Have you and your PH developed a code phrase or signal to each other for when you need to communicate? Where do you draw the line to keep your family first?

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PMS::when people ask you to take a church job

About a year into my life as a PW, an elderly PW gave me some sage advice:

"Any time you move to a new church district, never take any kind of job or role or responsibility for the first 6 months."

At the time I kind of thought she was being too dramatic. Why wait so long? What's the big deal? I like to be involved at church! Shouldn't I be active right away?

Time proved her right. Taking a few months off in a new place gives the PW time to adjust, get fully settled into a new house, learn her way around town and just get into her groove without any pressure.

Also it gives the PW a little time to just get to know the people. No fuss, no accidentally accepting the job that Mrs. So-and-So has been trying to get for the past eighteen months. Just the freedom to get acquainted, make friends, and observe.

It gives you a chance to find out where the real needs are - not just the imaginary ones. That way you can accept the roles where you are gifted and passionate, instead of getting stuck in something that you don't like or can't do and feeling trapped.

So what do you do when people ask you to take a church job? What are your criteria for accepting or saying "no, thanks"? What are your boundaries?

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PMS::getting members used to your boundaries

Last week I had an unexpected early morning Facebook chat with a PW in California. It was around 4 AM her time, and she and her PH been awakened by a 3 AM phone call from a church member.

Seems this particular member has a nasty little habit of calling constantly, at all hours, and venting for 30 or 45 minutes at a time. Leaves them sleepless and frustrated before the sun even comes up.

"How do we get them to realize that we need personal space, family time, and a good night's sleep too?" Not that you wouldn't jump to help if there was actually an emergency, of course.

Sometimes you just need to say STOP.

There's always a period of adjustment in every church, with every pastor, concerning boundaries. When you first arrive to serve in a new church - that's the ideal time to set your boundaries and get people used to them. If the last pastor was single, and you have four kids, there's definitely going to be some differences in your needs for family time and privacy. Sometimes it takes church members a bit of time to adjust. But that's okay.

On the other hand, if you've been at a church for a while, and you're realizing that your family or your marriage is suffering - it can take a LOT of effort to put boundaries in place after people have gotten used to not having them. But it's worth the effort. This was the dilemma of my PW acquaintance in California. How do you help people learn to respect your family's space and needs when you didn't start out with those expectations?

If you're realizing you need more boundaries in order to keep your marriage or family healthy and whole as you serve in pastoral ministry, don't be afraid to take the leap. Explain to them how detrimental it is when you neglect your family, and that you just can't do it anymore. Enlist their help in keeping your spouse and kids protected.

Set some simple limits at first (we'll talk about things like phone boundaries later this week), to preserve family time and date nights. Communicate your intentions clearly, and then be sure to follow up consistently. If your PH has a weakness in this area, enthusiastically support his efforts to set boundaries, and work with him to achieve them.

A little communication goes a long way into the process of establishing healthy boundaries. And in the end, your family AND your church will both be better off.

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PMS::boundaries in your marriage

Whether or not you see it, church members observe your marriage. They pick up on things like how you interact in public, whether you are affectionate or not, if you seem to be fighting (even good-naturedly), and so on.

Members get a sense of security from feeling that the pastor is happily married and that the PW is well-treated (and that she treats the pastor well in return!). There's nothing necessarily wrong with this, but it can make things delicate when you just need to fight something out!

Boundaries in the pastoral marriage are not optional. They are absolutely, 200% necessary. And they work both ways - we need boundaries about what we do and say and how we handle ourselves in public (to avoid giving people unnecessary reasons to worry about the pastor), and we also need boundaries that give us a sense of privacy and protection away from the demands of ministry.

Some boundaries that we've found essential include:

• keep a sacred date night, preferably every week, but at least every other week - and let your church members know that barring emergencies, you are completely devoted to your spouse on that date night, no interruptions
  
• don't be too free with details about your marriage, unless there's a spiritually mentoring reason to share
• don't fight in public - no matter how tempting :)
• don't put each other down or ridicule each other's faults or opinions in front of others
• let church members know that you love each other in some visible, tangible way that suits your personalities and comfort zone (Sarah's PH always stops to have her join him and walk out of the church together after he preaches), find whatever works for you
• take a full day off each week, and (just like date night) let your church members know that this is your personal day to spend with your spouse and you simply won't be taking phone calls or appointments
• work to reconcile arguments as quickly as possible when you and your spouse disagree, instead of letting it hang over you like a cloud
• remember, no matter how great your ministry calling is, your first ministry is your marriage. PERIOD. No mission calling is worth the deterioration or loss of your spouse and family!
  

That's just what we can think of... what have you discovered to keep your marriage intact and sacred while you minister to others?

Let the comments roll!

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PMS::the problem of boundaries

If you're a regular CLUTCH reader, you know that the first week of the month is "that time". During PMS week, we tackle the tough Problems, Mistakes, and Sins that are particularly relevant in pastoral marriages and families.

This month, let's discuss the Problem of Boundaries.

Lately we've posted a lot about things like unselfish service and whole-hearted ministry. About helping kids realize that daddy's job is special, and that they can have a role in his ministry, too. But those ideas have to be balanced with healthy boundaries that keep our families safe and secure.

As you've read in the research we posted about why PKs leave the church, an absence of balance in pastoral families is one of the main causes. Pastoral families, like any other family, desperately need a sacred circle that keeps them close together and protects them from the world outside. Not in a rigid way, not in an overly-sheltered way, but in a way that keeps kids feeling safe and secure and that keeps marriages healthy and strong.

This week we want to hear your stories and experiences about setting boundaries. How sacred is your family time?

What strategies do you employ to keep your marriage safe?

How much ministry is too much?

Here goes, girls!

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PMS: open thread on supporting PHs

Take a minute today and ask your husband this question:

What is one thing that I do, (or that you WISH I would do) to support you in your leadership as a pastor? What action of mine is the most meaningful to you in your ministry from me as your wife?"

Ask his permission to share his answer, and then tell us what he said in a comment below.

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PMS: 10 ways to give your PH amazing support

Here's the bookend to this week's earlier (humorous) post about ways to make sure nobody thinks your husband can do his job. This one is actually serious.

Try these, and your husband will not only love you forever, but his congregation will love him too. And most likely his pastoral career will blossom beyond his imagination. All thanks to you - his loving and adoring wife. (Well, at least his supportive and honoring wife, even if there are a few days when you question both his sanity and yours.) But hey, that's just part of being human, and being married.

1. Let his little mistakes go unnoticed. Others may not even have caught them, so avoid humiliating him by pointing them out.
2. Keep the cute anecdotes about his idiotic moments as private jokes between just the two of you.
3. Show up at church. Even if it isn't the church you'd pick if you had a choice, find something to love about it. Be there because he is there,unless you're sick, out of town, or otherwise prevented. Sit near the front if you can (assuming the age of your children allows any sitting at all). Be his biggest fan when he preaches or leads.
4. When he excels (or takes one of your brilliant suggestions), let people think it was all his idea. He'll feel like a star, and they'll think he's amazing. Most of all, when he does something great - let him know you thought he was fabulous. Let him overhear you bragging on him to someone else.
   
5. When he's forgetful or does something stupid, minimize your reaction. Remind him gently if you have to, but try not to him feel like a moron. He probably already feels stupid anyway, no need to rub it in.
6. Avoid letting people know when you don't agree on church issues. (Not that you can't duke it out at home if you need to, but keep a united front.) When people complain to you, find a way to build him up. Suggest that they approach him directly instead of taking their beef to you. If you secretly agree that your PH is wrong, stay neutral: "Well, I trust that my husband will do whatever he feels is the right thing." If they probe for your personal opinion, try: "Whether my husband or I agree is irrelevant. I believe in his ability to hear God's voice on his own, and I think he'll do what is best."
7. Never, EVER fight in front of other people. Keep even minor differences of opinion behind closed doors. It's okay to keep your opinion to yourself until you can discuss in private. And when you DO disagree in public, gracefully give him the last word while onlookers are watching. You'll increase their respect for him, and most likely their opinion of you in the process.
8. Don't point out his failures in front of guests. So what if he sets the table with the fork on the wrong side? At least he's not making you do it alone! And if the dishes were stacked in the dishwasher all wrong... suggest a better way to do it later - after the company has left.
9. Avoid making fun of him in front of friends - both his friends AND yours. His antics might make them howl with laughter, but he can feel like you're belittling his masculinity or leadership. If something seems innocent, check with him before broadcasting the tale.
10. Keep your agitation to yourself. He's guaranteed to make you steam now and then, but everyone else doesn't have to see the smoke coming out your ears. And just because there's an intense "discussion" coming his way doesn't mean the whole world has to know. Let some things stay private, really private.
    

Of course, this doesn't mean that you NEVER have conflict. But try letting your marital journey exist inside its own sacred circle without the congregation's prying eyes.

These tips might be specially worded for PWs, but they aren't necessarily new or earth-shaking. Wise women have known for centuries that they have the almost-exclusive ability to build up their husbands into powerful and confident men, or to tear them down beyond repair.

The proverb "Behind every great man stands a great woman", doesn't exist by accident. The only question is: Will we be those great women?

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PMS: how much do you really need to know?

When we first got married, I wanted my PH to tell me everything.

"No secrets between us!" was my mantra.

He, on the other hand, felt that there were some things about church politics that I was better off not knowing. Like when brother so-and-so flew into a rampage at board meetings, or when sister so-and-so shared something privately confidential in a counseling session.

"But how am I supposed to know how to interact with people if I don't know what's going on?" I would ask him.

He stuck to his guns. "Some stuff you just don't need to know," he said over and over. "It doesn't help me to tell you, and it sure doesn't help you to hear it."

Almost 7 years of ministry and marriage later - I'm glad he did. I've learned that if I'm going to support his decisions and his leadership, sometimes there really are things I'm better off not knowing. Seems like God gave men a compartmentalizing ability that we women just don't have - at least in my experience.

My PH can know the most horrid details about someone, or endure a vicious personal attack and still manage to give them a genuine greeting after church. Me? I'd need restraints just to keep from clawing their eyes out in his defense.

Sometimes he comes to me asking for my input about how to navigate a delicate matter. Other times he just needs the freedom to handle touchy situations without my narration from the peanut gallery. Usually this is when my way of dealing with it would be the exact opposite of his way - and oddly enough, no matter how wrong I might have thought he was, his carefully considered course of action ends up being wiser and more effective than mine would have been. Guess that's why God made him the pastor, and not me! Go figure...

We have an agreement now - he tells me the things that I need to know in order to serve our congregation better, or in order to keep from innocently sticking my foot in my mouth. The nasty stuff that would make me lose sleep, he keeps to himself or seeks advice from his mentors.

It helps me help him. Helps me support him without hating other people for their stupidity, or sometimes just for their humanity.

How about you? How much do you feel like you really need to know? How much detail keeps you from being able to give support and honor to your husband?

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