meet debi ogle

John 15:11 “These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you and your joy may be made full.” (Holman NAS)

My name is Debi Ogle. I live in Delaware, a small community just outside of Columbus, Ohio. I like to describe it as a “Gilmore Girls” kind of town. It is full of quaint shops and the best ever yogurt ice cream. My husband loves to surprise me with dessert dates as we sit outside and watch the townspeople go about their business.

First of all, I am a Christ-follower and after 34 years of following, I thank God for never giving up on me. I've been married for 35 years and have helped raise two adorable, Christian daughters and have the blessing of being called DeeDee (it’s my grandma nickname) five times over. They range in ages from 10 yrs to 8 months. Our last two grands came by way of adoption: a granddaughter (4.5 yrs old) from Ethiopia and our first grandson (8 mos. old) from the States.

My job first and foremost is as a wife to my integrity-driven husband, Steve. We started our journey in the Navy but eventually we both felt that Steve was to do ministry work, not necessarily from the pulpit but some form of ministry. Our pastor gave us sound advice, “God never calls one, but He will always call the couple” and since we were both feeling the tug, we went thru the open door.

We got out of the military, and he started a bachelors degree at Ohio State University. Since Steve got his degree in elementary education, we found a new field at the seminary: Childhood Education Ministry. Our first church was Mimosa Lane Baptist Church in Mesquite, Texas. Then we moved to Little Rock, Arkansas. After 6 years we were called to Mobile, Alabama.

In 1998 Steve received a phone call that started the next chapter of our lives….moving to Temple Baptist Church in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Here we walked our oldest down the aisle in 2000, and sent them off to Southwestern Theological Seminary in TexasWe sent our youngest daughter to the same seminary in 2004. (Both our daughters married ministers.) We loved our life in southern Mississippi and never thought we would leave.

In the fall of 2004, my husband told me he felt God was leading him to leave the ministry. My first reaction was why? He never reacts without a prayerful thought process and when he said he'd been struggling with this for two years, I knew I must follow. I gave up my job as a college bookstore manager, my perfectly built house, a great church and many friends to follow my husband. The overriding factor in all of this was I knew he had carefully prayed and struggled over this for two years. So my reaction was “Where do we go?”

We left Mississippi on April 1^st, 2005 to Nashville! We were naive to think that the business world would hire a man in his late 40’s with 2.5 degrees under his belt. But part of this move was for him to write, and write he did. He wrote a parenting book, a 365-day devotional for children, a children’s series, and the start of a men’s book. Steve got a job at Chick-fil-a, so we moved into a tiny 1-bedroom apartment. Coming from a spacious, custom-built home into a tiny roach-infested apartment was not what either of us bargained for but we were sure of God's calling to leave our comfortable lifestyle behind.

One night we went to a McDonalds just to talk. I finally spoke my piece about the situation. I told Steve "I'll follow you to Timbuktu and back if that is what God designs, but I cannot see you out of full-time ministry." We realized that what Steve had really needed was a sabbatical, a rest from ministering. By this time he had served almost 20 years without a break. Soon Steve got a children’s/administrator position at a starter church, I got hired on at Life Way Christian Resources, and we walked another daughter down the aisle.

Then my health got so bad I needed to quit work. In 2007 we moved to southern Georgia. This stint was the hardest to overcome. After months of being accused loudly in the hallways and talked about in deacon meetings, we started searching again for a place to serve. We had NEVER given up before. We felt like complete failures. But sometimes even if God gives clear direction, people can deceive us and throw a huge stone into the driving force of ministry.

In August, 2008 we moved to Columbus, Ohio. In just one year we lived in three different states. WOW! Never did this before, God. We love it here. Our church is on a mission for community.

Every church where we have served has had its ups and downs. There has been the learning church of Texas, thechurch of grounding in Arkansas, the desert in Alabama, the oasis in Mississippi, the refreshing of Tennessee, the darkness of Georgia and the vision of Ohio.

Through them all we have become better people, blessed to have so many friends and opportunities, and most of all a chance to serve alongside awesome believers. For this, I would not change anything. This is why my motto is JOY! (Jesus first, yourself last and others in-between)

Jesus has certainly made my joy complete! The neat thing is He continues to complete me until the day I meet Him face to face…now that is JOY.

~Debi Ogle

Tweet

Share

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...

Guest Post:: Amy Argo high heels, confidence and Jesus

Amy Argo is the wife of a staff Pastor in Alabama. She wrote a fantastic blog post I wanted to share with you. You can connect with Amy on FB or check out her blog.

I am such a girlie girl when it comes to shoes. I LOVE them. If I had unlimited funding, I would have a closet the size of Rhode Island filled with them.

Lately, I have been wearing a lot of flats. They are comfortable. I have said on many occasions "if I have comfortable shoes (and pockets) I can conquer the world."

Today, I had an interview for a job much closer to home so I decided to wear heels. And as I walked from the parking deck this morning, I contemplated why I did this. Hey, God talks to me in unique ways. I don't question it. I just listen.

Do you notice that when you are wearing high heels you walk differently? You are more conscious of the way you walk. At least I am. I am not what you call graceful. That was a bit of an understatement. I tend to be klutzy, that is more accurate. So while in theory, I love high heels, I tend to shy away from them for the fear of falling on my face. Going back to my long walk in from the parking deck this morning, I noticed that when I walk in high heels that I am more aware of how I walk, I tend to stand up straighter, to be perfectly honest while they make me nervous on one hand, they actually make me feel more confident at the same time.

I think walking with God is a lot like walking in high heels.
High heels take me out of my comfort zone.

High heels make me focus more on my walk.
High heels give me added height and confidence.
High heels tend to make me walk slower and with more purpose.

High heels are good for my walk, even though there is a hint of fear in wearing them. I don't fear the shoes themselves....I love them. It's me, walking in the shoes I fear. Will I make them look bad? Will I fall and scuff horribly? Will I completely embarrass myself and want to hide?

Ever taken a leap of faith? Feels a lot like that.

I started listening to the audio book of Steven Furtick, Sun Stand Still in my car this morning during the long commute. He talks about "audacious faith." I don't think it was a coincidence that I began listening to this and wore high heels for the first time in a long time today. I think they go together. At least in my mind they do.

God is calling me out. I am excited, but I have that hint of fear that I will fall on my face. But I am not worried....Faith makes me more aware of my walk, stand taller, and more confidently. Causing me to rely on Him to carry me.

Share

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...

appreciating your pastor: from the heart of the pastor’s wife

Ladies ~ allow me to introduce you to Amy Hickman. She serves along side her husband Jeff at Life Song Church in Lyman, SC. I asked her if I could feature a part of her blog post

This is what she said.....

October has been dubbed, “Pastor Appreciation Month,” but for me, the wife of a Pastor, I’ve learned the importance of appreciating my pastor husband everyday. The Scripture is full of mandates and encouragement to honor, respect, esteem, and pray for our pastors/leaders. It is, for me, one thing to love and support my pastor simply because he’s my husband, but quite another to esteem and respect his leadership as a major contributor to my spiritual growth apart from what he already does to spiritually lead our home. My husband has been my pastor for 15 of the 17 years we have been married, and over the years, there are some specific things I’ve learned show him great appreciation as my pastor.

*Pray for him. This may seem so obvious, but it’s what makes or breaks our pastors. Why? It is not simply that we pray, but rather what we pray. My prayer for my pastor is that God keep him clean and close. Satan seeks to fire darts at this man of God as often as he can get to him. Praying your pastor stays clean and close in his relationship with God is his protection from attack, moral failure, depression, along with a host of other attempts to discourage him…BUT, it’s also a contributor to seeing him soar. Pray for your pastor!

*Love and respect him. This is absolutely no different than what I pray for him as his wife, but it is also so important for me to do as someone under his leadership.

Be responsive to your pastoral leaders. Listen to their counsel. They are alert to the condition of your lives and work under the strict supervision of God. Contribute to the joy of their leadership, not its drudgery. Why would you want to make things hard er for them? Hebrews 13:17 MSG

One of the best ways I can respect and listen to him is to do it in joy. Constant complaining, negativity and “cup half full-ness” is not helping, but rather hindering, him soar as a leader. We won’t always agree…no one does, but I can follow him regardless of not agreeing by esteeming him. It is sad to see in many churches that people identify themselves with just where they go to church, and in turn make the life of the pastor miserable by disrespecting his leadership. Support your pastor and love him. Love covers everything.

*Don’t just be hearers, but be doers. When we believe in a pastor’s vision that God has uniquely given him, we appreciate our pastors when we do our part to fulfill the vision. I don’t know of a better way to appreciate your pastor than to take his passion and make it your passion. Together this will change lives and that’s when we see souls saved and changed.

“Along the same lines, the Master directed that those who spread the Message be supported by those who believe the Message.” 1 Corinthians 9:14 MSG

Believe in your pastor’s vision, and support him by seeing that vision come to life!

Share

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...

when being a pastor's wife is hard: trials

Stephanie is The Candid Pastor's Wife. She can’t decide what she wants to be, so she does it all: blogging, neurotic, break-the-mold pastor’s wife, blessed mommy, math nerd, film and commercial actor, virtual assistant, and household deal hunter. Stephanie has been blogging since September 2010, with favorite writing topics including marriage, mission, and beauty outside of culture. Besides loving to work (apparently), she tries to spend all of her free time with her two favorite men: pastor hubby Brad and 15-month old Samuel. She thinks it’s also important to sneak in moments for food-love, laughing in the sunshine, and late-night reading.

Share

There are times when being a pastor's wife seems unbearable. Something has happened, whether you're aware of it or not, and all of a sudden, you feel like your family, ministry, career, etc. are all crumbling down. And you want to crumble with it.I'm not going to point fingers in this post because I know that congregations and pastors/pastors' families alike can bring pain into ministry. We are all sinners, and we will all seek pleasure over God at some point. Sometimes, our sin leads to pain, especially in ministry. After all, our sin often effects not only us, but also our families, friends, and the members of our church body. While our own actions can certainly throw us into a downward spiral, we also may be experiencing spiritual warfare. Instead of doing something wrong, you may be doing something very, very right - something so God-honoring that Satan wants to throw a ringer in to your life, hoping to trip you up. Hoping to stop the Spirit's work in your life. Private sin, public scandals, demon attacks: all of these can be debilitating to us, our families, and certainly our ministry. What can we do?It is vital for you and your husband to fight sin. Temptation yields its deathly fruit in a heartbeat, and we can't be lazy. But it's not just about rejecting the temptation; when we do sin, we must come to forgiveness and true reconciliation. How do we do these things?Anytime I think of fighting in the spiritual sense, I go to Ephesians 6.

Finally, be strengthened in the Lord and in the strength of his power. Clothe yourselves with the full armor of God so that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavens. For this reason, take up the full armor of God so that you may be able to stand your ground on the evil day, and having done everything, to stand. Stand firm therefore, by fastening the belt of truth around your waist, by putting on the breastplate of righteousness, by fitting your feet with the preparation that comes from the good news of peace, and in all of this, by taking up the shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With every prayer and petition, pray at all times in the Spirit, and to this end be alert, with all perseverance and requests for all the saints. (Ephesians 6:10-18, NETBible)

There is so much in this section of Scripture that will help us through trials. Most of all, notice that we are to be so bonded to God in thought, action, faith, and word that we are practically wearing Him on us. When was the last time you could say this about your life? That faith clothed you? God's word filled your mind and mouth? Your motions were aligned with His? That every moment was a prayer? Most certainly, wearing the armor of God will help us when we're tempted. But it also helps us fight the enemy. The sword that we use? God's own words. Therein lies the truth. If we know it and preach it to ourselves, it will be much more difficult for the enemy to get us down.But don't forget what happens when you do sin against your husband, children, unbelieving neighbor, church body. You need to go to them. Tell them your heart was wrong. Spell it out, and thank them for the forgiveness they offer you. Then, be reconciled. What I mean is - make it right. If there is any way to mend what you did, do it. And commit to future changes that will heal the hurt.If you ever talk to me about sin, you know what I'm going to say next - You need accountability in your life. Being a pastor's wife doesn't exempt you. Make sure you find someone you can really trust - someone to whom confidentiality is vital - someone who will challenge you to live for God alone.Please help me add to this list - perhaps you have experienced trials caused by you, your husband, a church member, or an unknown source. Answer this in the comments: How did God help you get to healing? Please note: this is not a place to rant - please post comments that are helpful to our fellow sisters.

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...

just for pw #10

Joy continues the "Just for Pastors' Wives" series. You can connect with her on Facebook and Twitter. Currently, Joy’s husband Joel serves as lead pastor of Willamette Christian Church, where she serves in a wide variety of teaching, serving, counseling and advisory roles. She is passionate about helping women understand and apply the truths in God’s Word and enjoys using speaking opportunities to do so.

Dear Pastor's Wife,

They say that pastor's wives are lonely. I dare say that some of us are (especially those of lead or teaching pastors). Maybe it is because we are in the limelight. Maybe some people feel we are inapproachable. Maybe it is because we need to avail ourselves to many and therefore find it hard to focus in on a few. Maybe it is because of the secrets we must keep for others or our own proprieties we must keep. Maybe it is because we are set apart from others, either of our own doing, or the doing of others. But, I don't think that we need to live this way. I think it is possible (as I have experienced) to have wonderful friendships within our church families if we are intentional about the ministry in which we engage.

Along this vein, I think a question that each of us has wrestled with at one time or another is, "How do I foster friendships within the church while setting boundaries and doing effective ministry? How do I determine with whom I should spend my time?". I have two thoughts on the subject.

1. You can really only minister effectively to a few people at a time.

This is a reality that we as PWs have to face. We are not superwomen and we have to be aware of our limitations. They say that no matter what size church you are in, you can really only know about 60 people (and much fewer still that we can actually invest in!). Those 60 people are going to shift with time, stage of life, and location of ministry. Sadly, many relationships are going to have to be let go at one point or another. In other words, you won't be able to maintain all of your previous relationships to successfully minister to the new ones God has for you. I think that a lot of pressure is taken off of us when we accept that we are finite.

Like the Good Samaritan, God places the people that He wants us to minister to in our path. They are in our sphere of influence. They are our children's friends' parents, our neighbors, the people we serve with, etc. If there are friendships too far outside of those arenas, it will be a lot of work and effort to maintain them regularly. Perhaps we should focus on the friendships where God has already planted us and cultivate what comes naturally.

2. We need to be intentional in our relationships in order to be effective.

So often times, friendships happen to us instead of us happening to the friendship. In other words, we need to be proactive in choosing the people we want to pursue and be in community with. Otherwise, we will be consumed with people that scramble for our time and attention. They may be needy, but in our limitations they may not be the most effective use of our time. Who are the people that you can disciple and will they reproduce themselves? Who are the people who serve hard and well and may need some filling up? Who are the people that will influence your own children? Those people will be the ones who can then reach out to the others in need. Build strategically into others so that ministry can be expanded beyond yourself.

Along these lines as well, I kind of create internal "categories" of friendship. Each category holds certain requirements of me and they differ in purpose and energy level.

"Touch" friendships. These are the majority of my relationships, acquaintances if you will, that I shepherd and love on. They are the people with whom I am not necessarily good friends, but I am friendly. I try to interact with them when I am in natural circles at church, women's Bible Study, at the grocery store. I literally try to touch them (hug, touch on the arm, etc.) and focus on them when God brings them across my path, but I rarely spend intentional outside time with them. It's amazing how much ministry can take place during these brief encounters. You can encourage and love well in even a short period of time.

"One Time Meeting" friendships. These are the friendships that need a little extra TLC and so I purpose in my mind to meet with them once to hear their story, encourage them toward Christ-likeness, and to discern who I can connect them with. I always try to be on the look out for connecting people to counselors, mentors, same-stage friends, and places of service. I cannot be a close friend to this person, but I can put them in environments for them to find those who can.

"Community" friendships. These are circles of friends, kind of like the broader groups of disciples Jesus had. Community group. Bible Study group. Children's friends group. Church staff group. These are people that I see regularly for purposeful reasons. I will often pull out my mentors and closest friends from these spheres, but not always. I do try to write each person in these groups a note, or get together once for coffee, or call and check up on them. These relationships are simpler because there is already a natural platform on which to build a friendship.

"Mentoring" friendships. These are the relationships that I have where I choose to invest purposeful time, in the same way that Jesus would with his twelve . Either someone is mentoring me for my growth, or I am mentoring someone else for theirs. I try to make these a priority and they are life-giving and beneficial for both parties.

"Besties". These people would be equivalent to Jesus' three. They are the people that I call for encouragement, or to laugh, or to just be myself with. I have a couple within the church, but the others are outside of the church, just for wisdom sake. I am not ashamed of the amount of time or attention that I give these women. I try not to exclude others, but I also don't let others guilt me into spending time with them instead.

I think it is very important to even write down who falls into which category, and then let the others fall into the "touch" category. I also find it very helpful to pray each morning that God would put into my path the people that He wants me to minister to each day. Then, even if I didn't get to someone, I can trust that God has answered my prayers and that His will was done because I sought Him for guidance and wisdom, and He is always faithful to answer.

In all things, by grace, may God make your time effective and efficient as you spend time with the women of your church. Let's trust Him with our finite resources and watch Him pour through us His infinite love.


In love with the people around me,
Joy

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...

just for pastors' wives #9

Today our friend Joy Dombrow continues the "Just for Pastors' Wives" series. You can connect with her on Facebook and Twitter. Currently, Joy’s husband Joel serves as lead pastor of Willamette Christian Church, where she serves in a wide variety of teaching, serving, counseling and advisory roles. She is passionate about helping women understand and apply the truths in God’s Word and enjoys using speaking opportunities to do so.

Dear Pastor's Wife,

There have been times in years past when my eyes have barreled down the proverbial cup of my life unable to find a drop of water (let alone a thirst-quenching gulp) to share with anyone else. There have been other times, when my cup has been so splashing-over-the-sides full that I realize I can't hold much more until I empty myself out. It is only as of late that I am realizing that there needs to be a balance of inpouring and outflowing, learning and teaching, receiving and giving to keep the streams of water moving through my life and out to others. I would venture to say that most pastor's wives tend to err on the side of giving until their well is dry, neglecting to refill again the waters that are so needed for ministry. Perhaps we need to be reminded of two things. The first is that we are, in fact, leaders...influencers. In this sense, we are often to move out just a little ahead of those that we are called to serve as we teach them, encourage them, and shepherd them. Filling ourselves up with "fuel" to move forward in this way will help us to fulfill this calling and will set an example for others to follow. Secondly, this is a marathon, not a sprint. God honors longevity, faithfulness, and perseverance. Giving and serving until we fall flat on our faces, without stopping to refresh is noteworthy, but it is not commendable. Serving well for a lifetime is more honorable than serving hard only for a short season. As we find the spiritual, emotional, and physical waters of our cups diminishing we must find a way to keep constantly filled.

1. Find a ministry or passion that energizes you. What is God teaching you right now? Where has He gifted you? What is on your heart? If you can serve and spend time in those areas, you will have a consistent and natural source from which to give. In this way, the serving is simultaneously the filling.

2. Learn, learn, learn. Read books...both the latest Christian books as well as the classics. Stretch yourself to learn and grow. Listen to podcasts. Attend conferences. Take notes from sermons. Ask questions of others you want to learn from. A teacher is first a learner. A mentor is first the mentored. The giver is first the receiver. Push yourself to learn.

3. Regular prayer and quiet times. You would think that a ministry wife would already have this practice down, but there are many who find themselves too busy serving to stop and rest before the Lord. The Holy Spirit is the teacher, comforter, and guide. He has so much to impart to us but we need to slow down enough to hear Him speak. It's amazing how many messages, words of exhortation, writings, and practical steps of obedience I have stumbled upon as I go about my daily quiet time with the Lord. He is faithful to give a fresh and timely word through the Scriptures. He is our daily bread and all the portion we need. Give Him the opportunity to fill you up.

4. Soak up all you can from other pastor's wives and friendships so that you are able to give out more and more. As iron sharpens iron, so too do ministry friendships. They can bring encouragement, blessing, exhortation, and incredible spiritual growth if we would just foster them. I appreciate our own church staff wives as they grow to become more and more like Jesus and encourage me by their examples. I have several pastor's wife friendships outside of our church in our own community who challenge and refresh me. I also have a growing number of friendships from across the country as we pastor's wives interact together on twitter, facebook, and websites.

5. Take care of yourself physically. The stresses of ministry (or life for that matter!) can take their toll if we do not acknowledge our physical limitations. We should not underestimate the importance of eating well, exercising regularly, and getting the sleep our bodies need. If left unchecked, stress can eat away at our well being and depression, illness, or emotional instability can set in, making us ineffective for the cause of Christ.

I don't know about you, but I want to serve the Lord as long and as hard as I can, making sure my cup is always filling will bless others as they receive fresh water from my ministry. And for those of you who have been full for a while and need to pour out to others, what are you waiting for? God has positioned and created you for unique service in His kingdom. Go serve someone a little ministry water.

Desiring to be a stream of blessing,
Joy

Share

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...

just for pastors' wives #8

Today our friend Joy Dombrow continues the "Just for Pastors' Wives" series. You can connect with her on Facebook and Twitter. Currently, Joy’s husband Joel serves as lead pastor of Willamette Christian Church, where she serves in a wide variety of teaching, serving, counseling and advisory roles. She is passionate about helping women understand and apply the truths in God’s Word and enjoys using speaking opportunities to do so.

Today I shared part of my story in front of a group of seminary students.
The deep personal anguish of suffering that I experienced nearly fourteen years ago has moved out from a place of raw hurt to a place of scarred hope. The scope of time has softened the harsh lines of reality enough so that it is not as sharp and dangerous to share. The further out that I move from that place, and the more victory that God grants me over the hard things, the broader I allow the audience of my story to be.

Today I was vulnerable. I knew that there was a chance I would cry. I knew that there were parts of my story that would bring evaluative judgement. I knew that hard questions could come. But, as a pastor's wife I chose (and choose) to risk the hurt. I can almost hear the cheers of vulnerability-lovers everywhere. This word, along with transparency and authenticity has been batted around over the last several years like a beach ball amongst a large crowd. Speakers and leaders are often judged by their exemplification of these words, perhaps because people are grasping for some sense of humanness from us. Although I can appreciate that sentiment, I also feel that these concepts of openness and exposure have been placed on a pedestal of respect far greater than respect for the leader themselves. We have used these words of vulnerability, transparency, and authenticity so interchangeably that the definitions have blurred together and we often miss the path of understanding.

I agree that vulnerability is important. C.S. Lewis says that, "To love at all is to be vulnerable."
Placing yourself in a position that exposes the tender places of your soul, making you capable of being wounded, means that you are open to being used of God in dangerous and risky places. It is a dying to self and trusting God with your heart and your reputation. In this vulnerable state of weakness, God's strength is magnified. Wise vulnerability is a part of ministry and allows for authenticity.

However, in my own life, I choose to be limited in my transparency. Transparency is characterized by visibility or accessibility of information. Not everyone needs to (or should) have access to all the information regarding your life. Yes, it makes of us feel normal when we hear about the stumblings and indiscretions of another. Yes, it makes us feel special when leaders share these things with us because it indicates that we are in their inner circle of trust, so many people will desire our disclosure and exposure.

Yet, the Jesus that we know from the Bible was not completely transparent. He didn't always make His intentions known. He spoke in parables. He didn't not reveal his human temptations and struggles to the masses. God Himself has not yet revealed all of who He is to us.
I think it can be a dangerous practice to publicly (from a platform, blog, or even entire community group) share sin and personal struggle before God has brought it through to victory. Don't get me wrong...80% of the time I am an open book, but I also know that there is a time, place, and season for everything and the wisdom of the scriptures say that it is better to hold your tongue than to say too much. Sometimes revealing certain things is not appropriate. I need to be careful not to expose my husband, or my church, or my friends. I need to be careful to not cause another person to stumble in my revelation of temptation. My general rule of thumb is that the closer I am to the struggle, the smaller my group of confidants. I must be transparent with at least my husband and God to begin with, but as I move past it in victory, I can enlarge that circle more and more as time passes.

But, no matter how much I choose to reveal in a given moment, what is shared must be authentic. Of all three of these words, I believe that authenticity is the most important. It means to be true to one's own personality, spirit, or character. In other words, not to be a hypocrite or fake. The things that are expressed or exposed are in line with the true nature of who we are. Our lives must be honest and real, and you can be real without being overly-divulgent.
It is my prayer that we would give each other grace to walk in varying degrees of transparency. I may not share all of the nitty gritty in my small group or from the stage, but rest assured I am sharing it with someone, and I promise that with everyone, I will try to be vulnerable and authentic...by His grace and through His power.

Choosing to be authentic,
Joy
Share

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...

guest post: you be you

I would like to introduce you to Heather Moore. Heather loves the local church and has given her life to ministry. She serves at Christ Fellowship Tampa where her husband, Bruce is the Senior Pastor. They are on a journey of a lifetime as they have traded everything of importance in their lives in an attempt to save a dying church in the heart of the city. Heather is a proud mommy to Gwendloyn and has just written her first book with her husband set to publish in the spring of 2012 by NavPress. Connect with her on Twitter, Facebook or blog.

There can’t be anything more agonizing than pretending to be something you are not. It takes so much time, energy, and effort to be someone other than you. Yet, at one time or another every pastor’s wife feels like she cannot be herself.

But that is simply not true. God creates each us with distinctive personalities, uniqueness and talents. Why would God create us in His image only to be pressed into a mold of someone else? The best gift you can give your local church is to simply Be You!

Don’t look behind you: Just because the former pastor’s wife did a certain thing doesn’t mean you have to. After all, she is gifted with a different set of talents and life experiences than you. Celebrating the impact of her ministry does not mean you have to fill her role. Give yourself permission to minister in a different way than she.

Glance beside you: We all have women who serve as contemporary role models. Having inspiring women around us is important, but don’t fall into the trap that you have to look like her, act like her, or copy what she does. I fall prey to the copycat syndrome. I see so many amazing women of God accomplishing so much. Their life seems exciting as they travel, speak and tweet about all the interesting people they meet. Meanwhile, I am at home struggling to potty train my two year old. Most of these women are in different seasons of life. Their children are grown. For me to copy their ministry would be disastrous. I can learn from them. They can inspire me. But, I cannot copy who they are nor can I perform the assignments God has given them.

Look to God: God is a giving God. One of His favorite things to do is to bless His creation. Not only does He bestow each of us with varying gifts, but He also gives us specific opportunities to utilize those gifts. It would make no sense to have gifts but no way to use them. Ask God to show you how to use your gifts.

By combining your gifts with ministry opportunities, you’ll be You!

So, Pastor’s Wives what’s the most freeing thing about just being YOU?


Share

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...

Guest Post: when being a pw is hard: expectations

Stephanie is The Candid Pastor's Wife. She can’t decide what she wants to be, so she does it all: blogging, neurotic, break-the-mold pastor’s wife, blessed mommy, math nerd, film and commercial actor, virtual assistant, and household deal hunter. Stephanie has been blogging since September 2010, with favorite writing topics including marriage, mission, and beauty outside of culture. Besides loving to work (apparently), she tries to spend all of her free time with her two favorite men: pastor hubby Brad and 15-month old Samuel. She thinks it’s also important to sneak in moments for food-love, laughing in the sunshine, and late-night reading.

When my husband first told me he was being called into full-time ministry, we had not been married even a year. Since I didn't grow up with a Christian lifestyle, I thought, Oh no! What am I going to do!? I'm not made to be a pastor's wife! That's not me! But as a friend told me last year: If you're husband is called to be a pastor, you are also called - to be a pastor's wife.

I truly believed my husband's calling was from the Lord, so how could I think that the "calling" to be a pastor's wife was not so possible? I now realize, thanks to my friend Martha, that the enemy wants me to think I'm inadequate to encourage my husband in his ministry. The Liar would love it if I denied the role of pastor's wife and became withdrawn, bitter, or beligerent towards the church, God's beloved.

I was lucky as a young wife, in that other pastors and PWs that I knew made sure we didn't sign on to a church that had specific pastor's wife "job responsibilities." However, I sort of took this as carte blanche to not feel committed to anything in ministry. Oh sure, I invested my time into friends' lives who didn't believe in Jesus, but at first I balked at committing to a formal place of service in the church - thinking that I would then be expected to do something.

You see - I had it all backwards. The fear of walking into an unhealthy PW role led me right into satan's schemes: I was insecure and defensive and didn't want to take part in the work of the body of Christ. I'm so blessed to be part of a church body that does not have a specific role in mind for me. But our church does expect things from me - they are the same things expected of all members of our church:

• to be connected to God and other believers


• to be committed to personal holiness


• to be contributing my time, talents, and treasures


• to be calling others to follow Jesus

And the more I'm aligned with God, the more my desire for this mission increases. Like it or not, pastor's wife, you are an example to your congregation. It doesn't matter if you want to be a leader or not; people are looking at you to see what a Godly woman does: what her marriage and family life is like, how strongly she pursues God and the lost, and if she thinks personal integrity is important or not. Jenilee calls this the Fish Bowl - and it certainly feels like that! But if God has called us to this ministry, then he will equip us for it. Depend on Him to give you the courage and strength it takes.

Share

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...

when mothers day is like salt in a wound...

I would like to introduce you to my friend Melissa. Today she shares from her heart a perspective that many experience but others fail to acknowledge. You can connect with her on Facebook, Twitter or her blog

Mother’s Day is such a happy, loving day - but for those who want nothing more than to be called “mom” it is like salt in an open wound. I think back to all of the Mothers’ Days that I wanted to skip church, fast forward the day or bury my head in the sand to avoid the inevitable emotional battle that was going to ensue.

When a church asks every mom stand for recognition, or prays specifically over moms, or gives all the moms a gift - it is a sweet and joyous event. However, when you are still sitting with your husband, unable to stand with the other women - the hurt is almost physical.

Although your faith may be strong and your relationship with the Lord is good - your emotions can take hold and it’s just hard.

As a society, as Christian women, and especially as Southern, Christian women - we put so much of our value into being moms. We find ourselves asking “How many kids do you have?” and then catch ourselves valuing a woman more, or less, based on her answer.

We are smart women who love the Lord - we KNOW that He loves us. We understand in our heads that our value is only in Him and what He has done FOR us.

We get that… we know all the right church words and all the right church actions. It doesn’t help with the pain and the emptiness and the way that we feel unworthy. My friend, Rebecca LeCompte, from The Imperfect Wives says “To allow others to see the pain can be more than a woman’s heart can bear…”

After suffering from multiple miscarriages and three ectopic pregnancies, I was so pleased when the Lord lead me to Psalm 127:3.

Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.

“A gift? A reward?”

The adversary had me believing that children were the gift, the reward! What a revelation to understand that children are ‘a’ gift! One gift of many that the Lord can give us. If children aren’t the reward for you - at this time, or at any time - then you are not being punished or valued less. God just has other plans and other rewards … piled up and ready to dole out on you!!

There is freedom in this verse!

If I didn’t have children:

I am still blessed!
I am still loved!
I am still valued!
I am still a vibrant child of God!
A not THE… every word of His Word is there on purpose.

His purpose for my life… and now - years later - my life, as a mom.

Read more...

mothers: change the world, launch futures & shape souls

I would like to introduce you to a guest blogger. The inspiring B. Heather Moore! A woman after God's heart. You can find her here on Twitter and Facebook. As well as connect with her on her blog. She is an inspiration to many and one of God's leading ladies!

I checked my watch. It was 11:23 a.m. to be exact. So early in the day, and I just changed the third dirty diaper. The day was shaping up to be more smelly and less exciting than I hoped.
To be honest, there are days when I long for some excitement. As a pastor’s wife, I daydream about doing something important at the church. Eagerly, I await the details of my husband’s day because I love to hear about ministry, I love to talk about ministry, I love to hear the stories of God at work in people’s lives. Some days I wish I could be at the church to be apart of something big.

My tendency is to think the mundane is unimportant because it is dull, boring. Truly, the polar opposite of exhilarating. There are no awards ceremonies for changing the poopiest diapers; no one celebrates the wiping of runny noses.

But it occurs to me that everyone from Oprah to slick L.A. marketing executives can ‘redefine’ anything these days. (Oprah says that 50 is the new 30. As I approach middle age this is one redefinition I don’t mind.) My redefinition of motherhood involves finding beauty in the mundane. I have the task of raising the lovely soul God has entrusted to me. It is my responsibility to shape her character, expose her to God’s global Kingdom, and to launch her into her future.

Before my daughter was born, I prayed three things. I prayed she would be tall. Sounds silly, but being short has never afforded me the opportunity to purchase pants off the ready to wear rack. Well, that’s not exactly true. I could buy the perfect length jeans from Petite Sophisticate. But I’d rather not wear jeans with elastic in the back. Naturally, I thought it would be nice if my daughter never needed a tailor.

Also, I hoped she would get her dad’s personality. His personality attracts all sorts of people. He has friends from all walks of life. Every time I turn around, he is encouraging those around him.
Thirdly, I prayed my daughter would be the next Lottie Moon.

Not many people know who Lottie Moon was. Charlotte Diggs, her given name, was a young single woman who in 1873 left the security of home, gave up all comforts and conveniences, and yielded all that she was and all she hoped to be for God to use in the distant land of China. So committed to the cause of Christ that when a famine hit the land and food was scarce she gave away all her food. She literally starved to death while protecting and saving the lives of countless Chinese children. Even in death she yielded all she had, every morsel of food, for the cause of Christ.

I never want my daughter to know the pains of hunger or the thirst of dehydration. I want to her to know true love and marry a wonderful man. I want her to experience the absolute overwhelming joy of having a child of her own.What I do want, however, is for my daughter to possess the same spirit as Lottie Moon. I want her to live with a willingness to abandon all comforts, all dreams, all conveniences in order to fulfill God’s dreams and plans for her life. I hope she accomplishes things I could never do and that she goes places I never went. I hope she attempts things I was too scared to try. Desiring these things for my daughter means my responsibility is huge. I have to expose her to cultures, languages, and all manner of odd foods in order to cultivate a love for the world. There will be a day when I take her on her first mission trip and have to explain to her why there are children who live in one-room huts and sleep on dirt floors. I will have to model sacrificial service and generous giving to prove that God is trustworthy….that God is worth abandoning all comforts and conveniences for in order to be apart of His global kingdom.

Shaping her character will require capitalizing on hundreds of teachable moments. I have to watch and be ready to catch those teachable moments so they don’t come and go without my notice. That means I have to be aware of the mundane, because God might choose to work through moments that I think unimportant. God’s ways are not my ways and He might deem a moment important that I think otherwise. He finds beauty in things I gloss over. He finds value in things that seem insignificant to me.

Therefore, I must also see beauty in the mundane. I must be poised to catch those moments.
Those dirty diapers and runny noses aren’t so mundane. There is beauty in the mundane because each day presents an opportunity to dream big dreams and think big thoughts for my daughter. Every day is the opportunity to shape a little girl into a young woman who is so committed to carrying out God’s plan for her life that she changes the world.
Suddenly, my job description is brimming with excitement. Motherhood redefined. World changer. Future builder. Character shaper. It doesn’t get more exciting than that!
So the next time my husband comes home and says what did you today? My proud reply will be “I helped change the world, launched a future, and shaped a soul today. What did you do?”

Moms, let me hear from you. How are you redefining the mundane?

Share

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...

Guest Post: preach the gospel ... to yourself

As a pastor's wife, the message I often speak to myself is "Do more." You know: go earlier, stay later, give more, disciple more, sign up more, offer more.

I have to remind myself that this is a false gospel. This is not the message of God, nor is it what ministry is all about. But it's so tempting to listen to this idol of mine! Because when it comes down to it - doing something is easy and ministry is hard, and I want to believe that I'm following God's will and being sanctified more each day. Simply doing something convinces me that I'm on the correct path.

But what if that doing is really distracting? Satan would love that, wouldn't he? For us to believe the lie that says I can just work, work, work for God. This lie only calls us away from our true purpose - to glorify God. To spend time with Him. To talk to Him, and follow His truths.

But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent’s cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the Spirit you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough. (2 Corinthians 11:3-4, NIV, emphasis mine)

I trust God when he says

The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life. (John 6:63, NIV)
and
He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life. (2 Corinthians 3:6, NIV)

Because I trust Him, I will trust that spending my time worshiping Him will lead me to the actions He desires from me, instead of trying to force my worship of Him by my work.
My husband calls this "preaching the gospel to yourself", and we all need to do it. Daily. Hourly. It is vital that we recognize these idols which are clogs in the arteries of our worship, our heartbeat.

I think it's obvious that spending time with God and studying His truths will bring these idols to light. But I also want to encourage you to find someone to be accountable to, for I often find my sin is rooted out and destroyed more quickly (and before destruction) when I am in an active accountability relationship.

I know this is hard when you're a pastor's wife. Who can you trust? Who will let you be... you? That person is out there. Pray for this person. Pray for someone who will be full of truth and grace. Someone to whom confidentiality is a big deal. Someone from whom you can learn. Someone you can also love.

How do you actively "preach the gospel to yourself" daily? How has accountability helped you do this?

Stephanie


Share

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...

GUEST POST::a whole new world

Pastor Filip & Taylor Bajic

Taylor Bajic, born and raised in the United States, is a newlywed pastor's wife married to Filip, who was born and raised in Serbia. Together, they now live in Scotland, where Filip is a pastoral intern.

Coming into ‘pastor’s wifehood’, I had no notion of what to expect. None of my family members are pastors, so I had never experienced or witnessed first-hand the ‘pastor’s kid’ life. 

Before meeting my PH, Filip, at a Christian college in England, I had never, ever thought of myself as being the wife of a pastor. Mind you, I had never had anything against it – on the contrary, I greatly admired pastor’s wives (and I do now, even more); but the thought had simply never entered my mind.

I had no idea of what kind of man I would end up marrying (I had my educational studies on the mind at the time), but I wasn't closed-minded about it and was open to God’s leading.

I met Filip when I was 19, and I had just begun my second year of Literature studies and he was in his first year studying Theology. Being the ‘homebody’ that I am (and very comfortable in the States), I had only planned on attending college overseas for one year. Then I planned to go back home and finish at a Christian university in Tennessee, where I had begun my studies. But I think God had other plans – and today, I can say that I am very glad and truly blessed.

Filip and I connected surprisingly quickly and felt with each development stage in our relationship  that God knew what He was doing and we were somehow part of a bigger plan. We both felt for the first time that we were being truly led to another person, like we were ‘meant to be together’, silly as it might sound.

Largely due to the small-school dormitory life at the college in England, we became very close very quickly, started dating and even began to discuss the possibility of marriage by the end of our first year there. What should we do? Should we try the long distance thing, or should I stay there with him and continue our studies together?

As terrifying and new as this was, it felt right. If you know me, you'd know that I wouldn't lightly make a decision to move an ocean away from family and life-long friends – not without very careful consideration and prayer. Needless to say, after much discussion with Filip and our parents, I chose to stay until we had finished our Bachelor degrees and Filip had completed his Masters. Without a doubt, I am very close to my family and I greatly miss them – we wish we could visit both our families much more often – but I have never been so sure about a decision in my life, and God has truly blessed us!

Filip got sponsored to pursue his Masters in Theology by the Scottish Mission, so we made plans to move to Scotland in the summer of 2010 for him to begin his pastoral internship. When it was time to apply for visas, pack up our flat (that's called an apartment in the USA) and get ready to go, something happened with the visa process. Suddenly we were completely uncertain of whether we had a position at all, and we were advised to look for another post.

Being so close to our planned moving date and confident that everything would go smoothly, we had already left our respective jobs, so we braced ourselves for a financially tight transition. We were so worried – not sure of where to turn.

Our British visas would expire in two months. We prayed and prayed. We thought maybe God had other plans, so we tried our best to be patient and open-minded. God really worked on our hearts and gave us such peace; although we were worried and scared, somehow we both felt confident that God would provide. And He did, as He always does.

Four months later, after much difficulty and stress the visa situation was ironed out and we were able to move to Scotland after all. Since arriving here, we have received blessing upon blessing – we quickly found a lovely flat to live in, we have met such incredible people (both in the Mission churches and the community) and life is full of joys.

No, I haven’t found a job yet in the four months that we have lived there. And yes, we are still recovering from financial strain.

But God has shown us a different side of things – the bigger picture. He has shown us what pastoral life is like and what it can be. He has shown us that no matter what happens, He will provide. It may not be in the way we would like or expect, but we can count on it – it will always be for the best in the long run.

Since becoming a pastor’s wife, I have learned such a great deal. My eyes have been opened to the reality of ministry. I do not consider myself to be a ‘gifted pastor’s wife’, but I believe God can really use me – and I sure hope He does.

He uses the quiet passions that you never expected to be able to use and turns them into a way to serve His children, as well as Himself. He puts people in our lives – and puts us in others’ lives – in a way that we cannot ignore and that we can learn from.

God is working. And it’s fantastic to witness it. I have never experienced God in such a way as now. People are what God cares about. And boy, am I glad He knows what He’s doing!

No matter how unequipped I feel, I think I can get on board with that.

Share

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

Read more...