hiding in thee

Nearly every time I put my little boy back to bed after nursing him in the night, he lets out a darling little baby fart. One of the things that's so gloriously wonderful about babies is their complete ignorance of themselves. Here in a world where we're always being told we need to know ourselves, stand up for ourselves, and look within ourselves, I'm convinced that true fulfillment comes from being outside of ourselves. No wonder God told us to be like little children.

I was pondering this state of selflessness recently after another look into the life of Christ. This God-man slept, ate, and breathed the will of His Father, which was to bring light and life to suffering humanity. A quote by Hudson Taylor, early missionary to China, has lodged itself forever in my mind, "Measure your life by loss instead of gain. Not by the wine drunk, but by the wine poured forth. For love’s strength standeth in love’s sacrifice. And whosever suffereth most hath most to give."

A recent Bible lesson in our church was on meekness, this unassuming state of being which was once considered to be pathetic and weak. To me, meekness looks like being invisible with the image of Christ shining through. I hunger for that invisibility. I am the kind of person who easily takes personal offenses to heart, and I'm often too quick to withdraw from people. I pray for that "Christ esteem." I long to be so unaware of self and so connected with Christ that when negativity comes my way, I can smile knowing that Christ takes it on my behalf.

The other challenge is letting God take things on my husband's behalf. The lady who calls and chews him out for every little thing doesn't have to ruin my day. Or the lady who needs him to know about every good deed she's doing in the community. Or the man who subtly uses his influence to undermine my husband's leadership. I'm sure you all have these kinds of people God is challenging you to love.

You've heard it said that you can never love another person until you've learned to love yourself. I'm not so sure about that. But I do think I can only learn to love these people as I learn to hide myself and my identity, my feelings, and my rights within the Lover of my soul.

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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why PKs leave the church...

PKs have a reputation. Everybody knows that... and even though we try our best, there are generations of bitter pastors' kids who make all of us tremble when we think about raising our own.

I recently read the results of a study that asked "What influences do ministry parents have that affect whether their kids stay in the church?"

This study asked 111 questions of clergy parents across the Mid-Western states of North America to find answers. I wrote the researcher, Dr. Martin Weber, for permission to share his findings. Here's what he discovered:

• Parental conservatism regarding lifestyle standards is not statistically significant in attrition.
• Legalism regarding gospel doctrine (soteriology) is a moderately significant cause of attrition.
• Legalism regarding practicing the principles of the gospel is a major cause of attrition.
• For clergy parents to hold their own children to a higher behavioral standard is one of the highest causes of attrition.
• Lack of relationality in the pastoral family is the most serious cause of PK (pastors’ kids) attrition. Pastors with the highest retention rate of adult children are those who managed to provide the most positive and “fun” family experience in the parsonage and were close enough to talk about anything in an atmosphere of freedom that allowed children and teens latitude in developing their own faith experience.
• The greatest predictor of future faithfulness as an adult is whether the PK during growing up years takes initiative to approach a clergy parent to discuss spiritual matters.
• Closely associated with family relationality is the freedom and trust expressed in discussing controversial issues. There is no greater cause of attrition than to attempt to shield children from knowledge of, or to resist discussion about, church or denominational conflict.
• Congregational criticism of pastoral family members portends future attrition of adult children.
• There is definite significance between the experience of entering the pastorate during one’s 30s and the future attrition of one’s children.
• Having a clergy grandparent is a stabilizing factor in the spiritual life of a PK.

Dr. Weber also says that the three most significant factors in avoiding attrition are:

1. being able to discuss church problems at home, while
2. managing to sustain joy and togetherness in the family circle, and
3. giving teens freedom to develop their own faith experience without the expectations of being super saints because they are the pastor's kids.

To read more of Dr. Weber's research, articles or books click HERE, or email him directly at: martin (at) midamericaoutlook (dot) org.

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