communion

Four times a year our church celebrates the Last Supper with a foot-washing ceremony and partaking of unleavened bread and grape juice. Every time we show up and I see that white cloth draped over the dishes, I stop in my tracks for a minute, suddenly feeling exposed at the core of my selfishness. I guess that's why a lot of people don't come to church when we're celebrating Communion.

I stand in that moment of vulnerability, wishing I'd done my repentin' before I got to church and had showed up with my heart bleached and starched with nothing to be remorseful of. What's amazing is how many times it's right after a fight with my husband or a fall to temptation. I want to run away. I don't measure up. I deserve a spanking, not to partake of this symbol of purity and selflessness. And every time, in that moment of shame, I remind myself that this is exactly what it was meant for. If that blood was shed for the chief of sinners, certainly it was shed for a disgruntled pastor's wife who never quite feels like she makes the cut.

And it's not just a reminder that forgiveness is always mine. It's a reminder that Jesus measured up, and I can stop bearing the shame of my own shortcomings. It's a reminder that He finished the fight and won the race and He holds out the victory cup as a free gift to me, the guy who straggled in last. It's all there, symbolized by that sip of red juice and that crumbly cracker. All that's left is for me to remember the lesson more often than four times a year. Four times a day might be about right....

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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hiding in thee

Nearly every time I put my little boy back to bed after nursing him in the night, he lets out a darling little baby fart. One of the things that's so gloriously wonderful about babies is their complete ignorance of themselves. Here in a world where we're always being told we need to know ourselves, stand up for ourselves, and look within ourselves, I'm convinced that true fulfillment comes from being outside of ourselves. No wonder God told us to be like little children.

I was pondering this state of selflessness recently after another look into the life of Christ. This God-man slept, ate, and breathed the will of His Father, which was to bring light and life to suffering humanity. A quote by Hudson Taylor, early missionary to China, has lodged itself forever in my mind, "Measure your life by loss instead of gain. Not by the wine drunk, but by the wine poured forth. For love’s strength standeth in love’s sacrifice. And whosever suffereth most hath most to give."

A recent Bible lesson in our church was on meekness, this unassuming state of being which was once considered to be pathetic and weak. To me, meekness looks like being invisible with the image of Christ shining through. I hunger for that invisibility. I am the kind of person who easily takes personal offenses to heart, and I'm often too quick to withdraw from people. I pray for that "Christ esteem." I long to be so unaware of self and so connected with Christ that when negativity comes my way, I can smile knowing that Christ takes it on my behalf.

The other challenge is letting God take things on my husband's behalf. The lady who calls and chews him out for every little thing doesn't have to ruin my day. Or the lady who needs him to know about every good deed she's doing in the community. Or the man who subtly uses his influence to undermine my husband's leadership. I'm sure you all have these kinds of people God is challenging you to love.

You've heard it said that you can never love another person until you've learned to love yourself. I'm not so sure about that. But I do think I can only learn to love these people as I learn to hide myself and my identity, my feelings, and my rights within the Lover of my soul.

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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alternatives to forgiveness

I've been thinking a lot about Sarah's posts on forgiveness and have generally been feeling smug that I don't harbor intense animosity toward anyone...but then I got to thinking... it's not in my personality to seethe for weeks, months and years and fight and confront. My blood doesn't boil for more than 15 minutes. You know what I do instead? I ignore. I write my foes off like they never existed. I de-friend them on facebook (ha ha). When his/her name comes up, I roll my eyes. I'm done. I've moved on. But that's not forgiveness! Walking on the other side of the street is not forgiveness. Ignoring emails and phone calls is not forgiveness. Tolerating is not forgiveness. Fake smiling is not forgiveness.

I feel like I need to make a list of people who've I've decided to feel indifferent about because they did something hurtful, mean or just plain obnoxious. I need to pray over that list (and God knows that in my heart, I don't want to). What do I do with these relationships? Do I have to have a conversation with these people again and ask them to forgive me for the animosity I've felt towards them, the way I've written them off, the things I've said behind their backs? Okay... now I'm gettin' a headache...



And then, here's Easter. It's so appropriate for us to discuss this topic this week, when we are reminded of the Ultimate Forgiver, the One who, through His death on the cross, blotted out or sins forever...and forgot them (not us), removed them from us as far as the East is from the West, hurled them to the bottom of the sea, no longer counted them against us. Forgiven. Free. Saved. Reconciled with God. What grudge in the world, could I/we possibly, legitimately justify holding on to?

What alternatives have you created for forgiveness? What have been the hardest hurdles to forgiveness for you? Share. Anonymously if you want.

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the benefits of forgiveness

"To err is human; to forgive, divine." Alexander Pope

Forgiveness comes with benefits.

Someone once said that when you refuse to forgive another person, the bitterness only eats away at YOU. It doesn't bother them - at least not the way you'd like.

According to scientific studies in 2001 and 2003, choosing to forgive brings a number of physical and emotional health benefits as well:

• Decreased anger and negative thoughts
• Decreased anxiety
• Decreased depression and grief
• Decreased vulnerability to substance use

Another article indicates:
Forgiveness is good for your heart -- literally. One study from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found forgiveness to be associated with lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as stress relief. This can bring long-term health benefits for your heart and overall health.

A later study found forgiveness to be positively associated with five measures of health: physical symptoms, medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and somatic complaints. It seems that the reduction in negative affect (depressive symptoms), strengthened spirituality, conflict management and stress relief one finds through forgiveness all have a significant impact on overall health.

A third study, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that forgiveness not only restores positive thoughts, feelings and behaviors toward the offending party (in other words, forgiveness restores the relationship to its previous positive state), but the benefits of forgiveness spill over to positive behaviors toward others outside of the relationship. Forgiveness is associated with more volunteerism, donating to charity, and other altruistic behaviors. (And the converse is true of non-forgiveness.)

So, let's be healthy girls - and get our forgiveness on!

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resources for forgiveness

For those of us struggling with forgiveness, here are a few resources you might find helpful. Some we have read ourselves, others have been recommended to us.

And if you've been blessed in your journey of forgiveness by a book that isn't listed here, be sure and leave us a comment so others can read it too!


FOR THOSE WHO'D LIKE A PASTOR'S POINT OF VIEW:
When You've Been Wronged: Moving From Bitterness to Forgiveness by Erwin Lutzer
Sometimes when we are wronged, we struggle to overcome the anger and bitterness that come with unforgiveness. Pastor Erwin Lutzer examines different types of offense and offenders and offers practical, biblical advice for handling these conflicts in a God-honoring and freedom-producing way.






FOR THOSE WHO NEED IT WOMAN TO WOMAN:
Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom by Nancy Leigh de Moss
Scripture says that offenses will come; people will let us down and we will let others down as well. Forgiveness, in these situations however, is left up to us to pray about and then practice. In her new book, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, the best-selling author of Lies Women Believe, asks the tough, penetrating questions about the healing of conflict – which is ultimately a call to repent and a pathway to freedom.




FOR THOSE WHO WANT A STUDY GUIDE:
Total Forgiveness Experience: A Study Guide to Repairing Relationships by RT Kendall & Joel Kilpatrick
Forgive yourself and others! It's the most fundamental teaching of the New Testament, and yet it's perhaps the hardest issue you will ever struggle with. This 13-week study will show you how to let go of grudges, avoid traps such as denial and pretending not to hurt, help others feel a new sense of freedom, and much more. Special features include probing questions, various exercises, and prayer tips. Ideal for personal use or group discussions.



FOR THOSE WHO WANT SOMETHING SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN:
Forgiveness is a Choice by Robert D Enright
For people who have been deeply hurt by another and caught in a vortex of anger, depression, and resentment. As a creator of the first scientifically proven forgiveness program in the country, Robert D. Enright shows how forgiveness can reduce anxiety and depression while increasing self-esteem and hopefulness toward one's future. This groundbreaking work demonstrates how forgiveness, approached in the correct manner, benefits the forgiver far more than the forgiven.




FOR THOSE WHO WANT A STORY:
The Pastor's Wife by Sabina Wurmbrand
The incredible story of Sabina Wurmbrand's imprisonment and survival during her husband's 14 years of persecution in communist prisons - because he was a pastor. Sabina's journey through forgiveness and keeping her faith in the darkest of times is a powerful story.

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forgiving the big things

Forgiveness is hard.

Sometimes it's backbreaking labor. Forgiving people who refuse to change. Forgiving those who've caused you inexpressible pain. Forgiving people who may never even know how much they've hurt you!

God talks about forgiveness. He knows it's tough! (Have you ever read God's struggle with forgiving his unrepentant people in Jeremiah 5?) But he tells us: "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." (Matthew 6:14-15 NIV)

Doesn't make it easy, though. And some of us find it hard to forgive the smallest little things. Others of us have to find forgiveness for huge, life-changing events.

Here's a video of a PW who is going through the journey of forgiveness right now. Last month, a stranger walked into Cindy Winters' church during the sermon, and shot her PH while he was preaching. They have two children.

Watch CBS Videos Online

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PMS WEEK::FORGIVENESS

There's many reasons we chose "FORGIVENESS" this month. The last few PMS weeks have dealt with things hard to forgive. Things that can turn a PW's life upside down.

I've had a long personal journey with forgiveness. Several years ago a person came into my life and the resulting experiences were shattering. I couldn't avoid her, didn't want to hate her, and yet could find in my heart no ability to forgive.

Every time I was at the point of forgiveness, some new situation tossed me back into the cycle of raging anger, crushing hurt, and gnawing guilt for not being able to just "let it go".

I begged God for the gift of forgiveness. My heart refused to melt. Gradually I distanced myself - and it began to affect other healthy relationships, too.

Recently, this person was diagnosed with a terminal illness. And I've started thinking about my years of fighting against forgiveness. I've been clinging to the desire to make them understand how badly they've hurt me over and over. But now I'm suddenly thinking in a more eternal context.

Can I truly withhold forgiveness? Is it my right? Is it that big of a deal? And in answer to a new prayer - I feel God giving me a desire to forgive. A need to forgive. My story isn't done yet...

What about you? Is there something you need to forgive? We all know that being a PW provides lots of opportunities for practicing forgiveness! But what about that one thing you just can't let go?

Let's talk about it.

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