"before he speaks..."

And for those needing a bit of comic relief, more from the PWs in Florida:

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

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for your entertainment...

Okay, I owe you all an apology.

Last week I drove 7 hours - just me and the baby - to visit the grandparents a few states over. I fully expected to be able to keep up with CLUTCH while there. After all, I should have extra time on my hands with grandmommy and grandaddy there to play with the baby, right?

Except that their network was setup to block all the things I actually needed on the internet, and I wasn't able to change it. 

So, to make up for it, I'm sharing this very creative music video from a group of PWs in Florida:

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

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most embarassing PW moments...

I'll get the ball rolling and you run with it.

Two weekends ago, I was sitting in the children's class in our new church. It's the little kids' class, where babies and toddlers try their best to pay attention, and where there are almost as many parents as there are munchkins.

The lady beside me seemed very quiet. She had a beautiful little girl that kept leaving her little kid seat and coming to the mommy seats along the back for reassurance. Then she'd go back to the front rows for a little while before checking in again with mommy.

Huge round chocolate brown eyes. A little ponytail with kinky dark brown curls around her face. Rosy pink chubby cheeks and perfect rosebud lips. She was the kind of little girl you want to stare at - she was so pretty.

I half-noticed that she was also wearing tan corduroy pants and a little striped button-down sweater. But I didn't think much of it. Not very feminine attire for a little girl at church, when most of the other little girls were wearing fluffy dresses, but I'm not one to judge.

When the class was over, I said hello to the little girl's mom, made small talk, and waxed eloquent about how beautiful her daughter was. "Such a sweet and pretty little girl!"

"Ummm, I do have a daughter," the woman said. "But she's in the older class. This is my son."

Oh.
Right.
Hence the tan corduroy pants and striped button-down sweater instead of a fluffy dress.
Got it.

You go, girl. Way to win friends and influence people on your first weekend as the new pastor's wife!

That's my most recent embarrassing PW moment. You got one?

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PMS: 10 quickest ways to undermine your PH

Want to make sure that your husband's congregation doesn't think he's capable of spiritual leadership (or any other kind, for that matter)?

Try some of these tactics on for size:

1. Editorialize his sermons in real time. Correct his grammar or story details from the audience.
2. Tell your church friends funny stories about his mistakes or failures at home.
   
3. Don't go to church - for whatever reason. Don't show up to support him when he's preaching or leading out up front.
   
4. Make sure everyone knows that you are the brains behind his sermons. Don't let them think he can do it himself.
5. Remind him in front of others when he's forgotten something important (or trivial), and roll your eyes to make sure they know that you have to put up with this all the time.
   
6. Voice your agreement when a church member complains about the way your PH has handled a recent situation, or says they don't like a decision he's made. Let them know, either openly or subtly, that you support their point of view.
7. Fight with him in front of others. Don't keep your opinion to yourself just because people are around. Insist on having the last word in public, no matter what.
   
8. Criticize all his attempts to help when you have guests in your home. Tell him how to sweep the floor, point out that the dishes he washed still have food stuck to them, and say something like: "How many times do I have to ask you to ....?!?!"
9. Poke fun at his foibles around friends. Get them all laughing uproariously at the idiotic thing he did last week.
   
10. Roll your eyes, sigh loudly, show other physical signs of aggravation in public to let everyone know just how irritated you are with him. Be sure they can guess that a fight is brewing and that you're going to let him have it after church on the way home.
    

Follow even a few of these practical tips, and you are guaranteed that your husband's congregation will have little or no faith in him and his calling. It'll ensure that he feels a sense of shame and embarrassment every time he thinks of you in connection with his ministry. You might even get the reward of getting him to eventually leave his calling behind and switch careers so he can feel better about himself!

Or you might just solidify everyone's pity for him, and guarantee that they all think you're a shrew. But either way, if a man's own wife thinks he can't do the job - who's gonna really trust him to lead others, right?

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guest blog: 8 reasons to close your blinds

As the pastor’s wife, you know that your life can sometimes feel like an open book. In our few years of ministry, we’ve already had some funny encounters. At our first church, a member who lived across the street from the parsonage called the head deacon and told him that the pastor (my husband) should not be washing dishes. The head deacon suggested we close the blinds! As a humors reminder to keep your private life private, here are eight reasons to close your blinds!

1. You don’t want anyone to see you throwing away the cookies someone baked for you that are a little too crispy for your taste.
2. Someone might see you in your pajamas at noon (and tell her friends).
3. Pastors want their congregations to respect them. They do not want their congregations to see them in what ever outfit they can find on a Friday morning when you’re behind on the laundry!
4. Your kids aren’t perfect. And especially at home, they aren’t expected to be.
5. Even worse, you aren’t perfect. Your church members can find that out slowly on their own, they don’t need more evidence of that fact while driving by your house.
6. You don’t want everyone to see your secret hiding places for stuff when you quickly have to “clean up.” One time when we had a group of women leave the house, I pulled out a stack of dirty dishes- from my dryer!
   
7. You may have a particular pre-sermon-night ritual, like your husband preaching to the dog, or you finishing up your Sunday school lesson at the last minute!
8. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (and that’s all I’m going to say about that one!)

Sandra Peoples is a SAHM of two busy boys and a preacher’s wife living in Pennsylvania. She blogs with friends at Today’s Housewife, and for fun at Eight Reasons.

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