chime in::planning unfamiliar events

After the June 15 post on mother blessings, Stephanie wrote us asking this question:

My dilema is that I am asked to plan events such as this (baby showers) but I am not a mother as of yet. What do I do?

Being a PW can really get you out of your comfort zone, especially when people ask you to help with things that are unfamiliar to you. It doesn't mean you have to say "No", but it might require a little extra research, and maybe even a partnership with some of the older ladies in church who could give helpful feedback. Who knows, you might even make new friends as a result!

When I am asked to do/host/lead something I'm not familiar with, I have a few standard next-steps:

1. Call my mom (or another older woman with expertise in whatever it is)
2. Google for ideas, tips, concepts, columnists' opinions, etc (i.e., for planning a baby shower, I'd look for task lists, theme ideas, and so on)
   
3. Chat online with other PWs or girlfriends who are creative and don't mind me asking for input
4. Make a list of ideas that come to me and narrow them down
5. Ask other church women to help coordinate aspects they're good at (decorating, food, music, games, etc)
   
6. Partner with another woman (or a few of them) in church leadership to be a team for the spiritual side of things (i.e., asking other PWs to say a prayer, offer a blessing over the mother, etc)

I've found that older women are often flattered and honored to be asked to participate in something I'm planning as the young PW, and if I'm willing to ask them for the wisdom and advice that they've collected over the years - I usually gain fabulous insights, and the beginning of a new friendship as well.

That's me - now what would YOU suggest that Stephanie (and anyone else who shares her feelings) do when they are faced with the unfamiliar?

Got tips?

Do share!

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making people feel at home...

1. Be yourself... they want to know YOU, not your other personalities!
2. Don't sweat the menu - keep it simple and you'll stress less. Make it about the relationship, not impressing them with your gourmet skills.
3. Don't sweat the minute housekeeping (okay, you might want to make sure your bra isn't hanging to dry in the bathroom, but don't get all panicky if there's a few dustmites). They're coming to see you, not inspect your window sills.
4. Be yourself.
5. Don't serve spaghetti or grape juice if you have white carpet. ESPECIALLY if your guests have kids. It'll just make you jumpy, and a jumpy hostess makes nervous guests. And nervous guests are so much more likely to spill things... :)
6. Be attentive, not fussy. The more you fuss over them, the more unwelcome they'll feel.
7. Be prepared to listen. Ask them about themselves and let them share freely.
8. Do check to make sure nobody has food allergies or limitations (it's always awkward to plan a hamburger menu if someone is vegetarian...)
9. Just relax - remember it's about the relationship!
10. Be yourself!!!
    

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when you feel left out...

In our first church district, we were invited to visit the whopping sum of two homes in the first entire year.

I'd spent countless hours making food, planning small group activities, and otherwise striving to be a gracious (if neither spendthrift nor lavish) hostess. It was important to me to get to know people, and to make them feel welcome and comfortable - even if the housekeeping wasn't always up to snuff.

So here's an opportunity for a bit of rant... Have you ever felt left out? Like everybody at church has a social life but you? Like no matter how gracious you try to be, or how many times you are the hostess, nobody reciprocates?

It used to make me really mad. Angry. Rejected.

Then I realized: they probably have no idea how I feel. And maybe nobody ever taught them the Christian value of hospitality.

So I had to let it go...

How about you?

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lisa chan on hospitality

More than weekend dinners and hosting social events, the epitome of hospitality would probably be inviting someone (or several someones) to stay in your home for months. Is your open house wide open?

We recently interviewed Lisa Chan whose husband, Francis, is the pastor of Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, California. Friends, Lisa is the real deal, as you'll hear in our interview. I learned a lot from her, about hospitality and giving. I hope you will too. Listen in.




Stay tuned for an upcoming interview with Lisa on her role as a pastor's wife.

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