when mothers day is like salt in a wound...
>> May 8, 2011
I would like to introduce you to my friend Melissa. Today she shares from her heart a perspective that many experience but others fail to acknowledge. You can connect with her on Facebook, Twitter or her blog
Mother’s Day is such a happy, loving day - but for those who want nothing more than to be called “mom” it is like salt in an open wound. I think back to all of the Mothers’ Days that I wanted to skip church, fast forward the day or bury my head in the sand to avoid the inevitable emotional battle that was going to ensue.
When a church asks every mom stand for recognition, or prays specifically over moms, or gives all the moms a gift - it is a sweet and joyous event. However, when you are still sitting with your husband, unable to stand with the other women - the hurt is almost physical.
Although your faith may be strong and your relationship with the Lord is good - your emotions can take hold and it’s just hard.
As a society, as Christian women, and especially as Southern, Christian women - we put so much of our value into being moms. We find ourselves asking “How many kids do you have?” and then catch ourselves valuing a woman more, or less, based on her answer.
We are smart women who love the Lord - we KNOW that He loves us. We understand in our heads that our value is only in Him and what He has done FOR us.
We get that… we know all the right church words and all the right church actions. It doesn’t help with the pain and the emptiness and the way that we feel unworthy. My friend, Rebecca LeCompte, from The Imperfect Wives says “To allow others to see the pain can be more than a woman’s heart can bear…”
After suffering from multiple miscarriages and three ectopic pregnancies, I was so pleased when the Lord lead me to Psalm 127:3.
Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.
“A gift? A reward?”
The adversary had me believing that children were the gift, the reward! What a revelation to understand that children are ‘a’ gift! One gift of many that the Lord can give us. If children aren’t the reward for you - at this time, or at any time - then you are not being punished or valued less. God just has other plans and other rewards … piled up and ready to dole out on you!!
There is freedom in this verse!
If I didn’t have children:
I am still blessed!
I am still loved!
I am still valued!
I am still a vibrant child of God!
A not THE… every word of His Word is there on purpose.
His purpose for my life… and now - years later - my life, as a mom.
When a church asks every mom stand for recognition, or prays specifically over moms, or gives all the moms a gift - it is a sweet and joyous event. However, when you are still sitting with your husband, unable to stand with the other women - the hurt is almost physical.
Although your faith may be strong and your relationship with the Lord is good - your emotions can take hold and it’s just hard.
As a society, as Christian women, and especially as Southern, Christian women - we put so much of our value into being moms. We find ourselves asking “How many kids do you have?” and then catch ourselves valuing a woman more, or less, based on her answer.
We are smart women who love the Lord - we KNOW that He loves us. We understand in our heads that our value is only in Him and what He has done FOR us.
We get that… we know all the right church words and all the right church actions. It doesn’t help with the pain and the emptiness and the way that we feel unworthy. My friend, Rebecca LeCompte, from The Imperfect Wives says “To allow others to see the pain can be more than a woman’s heart can bear…”
After suffering from multiple miscarriages and three ectopic pregnancies, I was so pleased when the Lord lead me to Psalm 127:3.
Children are a gift from the Lord;
they are a reward from him.
“A gift? A reward?”
The adversary had me believing that children were the gift, the reward! What a revelation to understand that children are ‘a’ gift! One gift of many that the Lord can give us. If children aren’t the reward for you - at this time, or at any time - then you are not being punished or valued less. God just has other plans and other rewards … piled up and ready to dole out on you!!
There is freedom in this verse!
If I didn’t have children:
I am still blessed!
I am still loved!
I am still valued!
I am still a vibrant child of God!
A not THE… every word of His Word is there on purpose.
His purpose for my life… and now - years later - my life, as a mom.
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7 comments:
Thank you Melissa for sharing your heart! Love you much.
This is beautiful, a reminder that all should read.
A perfect reminder that God shows us new and perfectly timed words from His Word right when we need them. I know this blessed many - love that. :)
Thanks Christine & Amanda; that's how I felt too. I'm thankful Melissa allowed me to share her post with the CLUTCH family. We will have more guest bloggers this week. I love hearing from all my PW friends - everyone has such a great story of what God has done and is doing in their lives. Blessings to you both!
Christine - Thank you so much! Love chatting with you on Twitter and so appreciate you taking the time to read and comment. God has brought me to such a place with my infertility - and it's only HIM!
Amanda - Don't you just LOVE that!! Reading a verse or passage that you have read previously, maybe many times, in a different season of your life - and then BAM: it hits you? Really brings the "living" part of the "Living Bible" out, right?
Veronica - Thanks again for allowing me to share my story! The healing process continues when we feel that others relate to what we went through and maybe God can use our story to help another!
Love you !
I have serious goosebumps now. I have felt those same feelings. On mother's day "I'll be with my mother at her church on that day" is what everyone is accustomed to hearing from me at my church. And when you hear "what? You didn't want children?" for what seems the millionth time...well it still stings as much. My husband and I have been blessed with many, many neices and nephews, and the children of our church friends to nurture and "bless"...it helps, but not really the same. Thank you for this post.
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