the good stuff

5th weekends!!

In many denominations, when pastors serve more than one church they alternate weekends between congregations.

Three or four times a year there will come a month that has five weekends instead of four. Those weekends are "off". They get to be spent with the grandparents, or on a romantic getaway, or just sitting through a worship service together as a family/couple in another church listening to someone ELSE preach!

No matter what you do, if you get 5th weekends off it's special. Especially when they coincide with long holidays like Memorial Day!

© Sarah K. Asaftei, 2009 unless otherwise sourced. Use allowed by express written permission only.

(Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone.)

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positive discipline - part 2

OK, there were no comments on my last post about positive discipline. I don’t know if that means you didn’t read it, you disagree with what I said, or if nobody wants to talk about how we discipline (or should) our kids. I invite you to comment on today’s post just so I know you are out there!

Last week we discussed how it is our responsibility and duty to discipline—to make disciples of Christ out of—our children. I also shared how it is one of my least favorite aspects of parenting. However, when your children respond positively, and exhibit the qualities that you are trying to instill in them, it is sooooo rewarding! We all know how it feels when they misbehave, especially in front of those gossiping church members. Well, it feels equally--if not even more—impacting when they behave like we want them to.

Today let’s talk more about the aspects of positive discipline. We learned last week how “PD” should be prayerful and proactive. A third principle is consistency. PD should always be consistent. Some of the biggest problems in our home has been because my husband and I haven’t always dealt with our children in the same way. I am not criticizing my dear PH in any way, but I have had more opportunity to “hone and perfect” my disciplining skills, simply because of my studies, and because I am with the kids more often. Kids easily learn how to manipulate and navigate a team of two disjointed parents. My hubby is doing much better in this area now, and we more unified.

However, lack of consistency doesn’t have to be between two parents. It can also be an issue for one parent, in how they handle discipline from one instance to another. I personally have struggled with this because of health issues. I have fibromyalgia, and I am not always well. Sometimes I haven’t felt like putting the energy forth to handle a situation in the manner that I knew it should be handled. Consequently, my kids may push the limits more often, because they know sometimes they might get away with the misbehavior. And my kids aren’t alone! Every child will cross boundaries that are not consistently enforced.

Fourth, PD should be firm. This goes along with consistency. Wimpy discipline is as ineffective as inconsistent discipline. God is certainly not wimpy in His discipline of us; neither should we be in the discipline of our children. With that said, we should not be overzealous in the area of corporal punishment. Whether you believe in spankings or not, I’m sure we could all agree that it should be the last resort. And when you do utilize corporal punishment, do it prayerfully and slowly. I remember as a kid watching on Little House on the Prairie how Pa would take the kids out to the barn to spank them. It was a slow, deliberate process, rather than just an emotional reaction.

And fifth, PD should be swift. This is not in contradiction to what I just said about corporal punishment. Swift means that when something happens you deal with it immediately. Younger children, especially, will not remember what they have done wrong, and the teachable moment will have passed by. However, there is nothing wrong with “suspending judgment”. By that I mean when something happens, you address it immediately, but delay the “sentencing” for a later time, after you have had time to pray and think about it, and perhaps discuss it with your husband. My PH likes to call it the “icing time” (where you put them on hold--or on ice) and it does have its benefits. The child has time to think about what he/she has done, and we have time to calm down and prayerfully come up with an effective punishment.

So to recap, positive discipline is prayerful, proactive, consistent, firm and swift. Next week we will continue our discussion on this aspect of parenting, and how it should be positive and constructive, rather than negative and destructive.

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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communion

Four times a year our church celebrates the Last Supper with a foot-washing ceremony and partaking of unleavened bread and grape juice. Every time we show up and I see that white cloth draped over the dishes, I stop in my tracks for a minute, suddenly feeling exposed at the core of my selfishness. I guess that's why a lot of people don't come to church when we're celebrating Communion.

I stand in that moment of vulnerability, wishing I'd done my repentin' before I got to church and had showed up with my heart bleached and starched with nothing to be remorseful of. What's amazing is how many times it's right after a fight with my husband or a fall to temptation. I want to run away. I don't measure up. I deserve a spanking, not to partake of this symbol of purity and selflessness. And every time, in that moment of shame, I remind myself that this is exactly what it was meant for. If that blood was shed for the chief of sinners, certainly it was shed for a disgruntled pastor's wife who never quite feels like she makes the cut.

And it's not just a reminder that forgiveness is always mine. It's a reminder that Jesus measured up, and I can stop bearing the shame of my own shortcomings. It's a reminder that He finished the fight and won the race and He holds out the victory cup as a free gift to me, the guy who straggled in last. It's all there, symbolized by that sip of red juice and that crumbly cracker. All that's left is for me to remember the lesson more often than four times a year. Four times a day might be about right....

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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bon voyage (part 3)

(Read part 1 and part 2 here.)

lessons from the bus
life revolves around waiting 

“Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!” Ps. 27:14

When I hear the word "wait", and half a dozen Bible verses come to mind along with a dozen Bible stories.

It was a word I heard often growing up in regards to vacation, holidays, visitors coming, getting some desired item, learning to drive, etc. It is now a word I say over and over to my 2 1/2 year old son.

And yet, I find it incredibly hard to follow the command myself. In the Western culture of get-it-now, it is increasingly hard to comprehend this small word. Not only are we, as adults, given little reason to practice waiting, but we are encouraged to meet every need and desire of our children, almost to the point of removing the lesson of waiting.

One day recently, needing to run several errands down town before lunch time, our Western cultural mindset about waiting had a head-on collision with the cultural mindset where we serve as missionaries. My husband and I headed out to find a bus. We decided to go to a different bus stop than our usual because we'd discovered that this new bus would get us downtown without all the traffic problems of our regular route.

Proud of our new knowledge, we sat down at the bus stop to wait. And wait we did. No one else on the street was waiting for the bus. We watched up and down the street for the bus, but there was none to be seen. It seemed that when we did not need the bus, it was on this street, and now we needed it and it was missing in action.

My husband finally said to me, “It is a whole different mentality here isn’t it? For most of the people here, there is no jumping in your car and getting stuff done on your time frame. Life revolves around waiting…”

Life revolves around waiting. Isn’t this one of the many themes in the Bible? 

God wants our life to revolve around waiting on Him. When we wait, we have to let go of our time frame and our priorities, and just chill out.
Wait, watch, enjoy the process.
Life is a journey.
Today is not my destination.
God’s desires for me are my destination.
Now is the journey, and that means now is the time to develop the art of waiting on God.

Amazingly enough, about the same time as our bus adventure, we received a book entitled “Waiting on God” by Andrew Murray. What a blessing this book has been to me! The author bases each chapter off of a Bible verse that relates to waiting. How easy it is to wait on God and how hard I makes it sometimes! Yet, God sends rain in the right season and He causes all things to grow.

I am thankful for a convoluted bus system and a language barrier to remind me to wait on God, connect with my community, and open my arms to one more.

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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the pastoral family and money (part2)

getting out of debt

The average American has more than 3 credit cards and is over $16,000 in debt! Sadly, Christians and pastoral families are often in the same boat with everyone else.

Just a few decades ago, if you wanted a car, you saved until you could buy one. If you wanted a house, you saved up for a big downpayment. If you wanted a new pair of shoes, you had to have cash in hand.

Now, if we let him, my 7-month old son could open a credit card and go on a spending spree.

Debt is bondage. Solomon knew that way back when he wrote "...the borrower is a slave to the lender." (Proverbs 22:7) The bible urges us over and over to be debt-free, and to live within our means. That can be a real challenge - especially when pastors don't usually make a lot of money.

About 5 years ago, my PH and I decided to get out of debt. We had the average American credit card balance, plus a car payment, school loans and a mortgage. We got on board with one of the great bible-based money management programs out there called "Total Money Makeover" and changed how we looked at spending money.

Since then, we lived on beans and rice for a while, and paid off our credit cards, cars, and so on. We're selling our house (since we moved to a new church district anyway), and put a big dent in the school loans. It's tough at the moment, because I'm not earning a paycheck since our little guy came along last year, but having a cash-only mindset made the transition to living on one salary MUCH easier!

We've cultivated habits of watching for sales, clipping coupons, buying in bulk, and skipping pricey indulgences - and it has made a huge difference!

What about you?
Have you decided to go biblical and be debt-free?
How did you do it?
How does your family model biblical money management as spiritual leaders?

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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