wanted for hire (part 2)

Continued from yesterday's post.
Where is the line drawn between experiential faith ownership and intellectual knowledge?

I once heard a speaker talk about the three levels of memory. (I've read about it since in the book Searching for Memory, by Daniel Schachter). It made sense, so I wanted to share it with you here.

LEARNED MEMORY:
You know, the stuff you memorize out of history books. Like "In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue." Or what you cram into your fevered brain for that final exam. Learned memory is the most quickly and easily forgotten of the three. (I knew there was a reason that in college I couldn't remember the previous semester's concepts to save my life! They flew out of my brain just as soon as each exam was over, making room for new information.)

PATTERN MEMORY:
This is the stuff you've done ten thousand times and your hands just remember how, no intentional thought process needed. Like tying your shoes, or riding a bike... These are the physically repetitive patterns that even an amnesiac can do easily. "I can't remember my name, but I can button my shirt!" Pattern memory is stronger than learned memory, and can stick with you even after your mind is gone.

EPISODIC MEMORY:
These are your episodes of feeling and experience. I had one the other day. I was out running, soaking up the brisk early morning air and warm sunshine on my face. In one yard there were some construction guys starting the day, and one had lit a cigarette. That particular smell of smoke, mixed with unwashed workman's clothes and the cool air and sunshine... and suddenly I was transported to my childhood missionary time spent in Russia - an episode that I will never forget.

My conclusions? Well... in essence... this tells me that as God-followers we must create venues for establishing episodic memory in relation to faith. While truth is essential, it falls under "learned memory" and can easily be overwhelmed by a negative episode. And while many will attend church or participate based primarily on force of habit or "pattern memory", the activities may hold little true meaning for them.

Sooooo... the challenge that lies ahead of every ministerial family? Initiating multi-sensory episodes of faith, based on accurate biblical learning, combined with supportive habit/lifestyle patterns and traditions.

Unleash the ideas on me....

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wanted for hire

WANTED FOR HIRE: one hip individual able to relate, knowledge not required, experience necessary.

A few years ago, back BC (before children) when I was working in full-time ministry, a friend and I were chatting about my upcoming trips planned for the year. When he discovered that Amsterdam was on the itinerary, he joked that I needed to definitely try some "stuff" while I was there.

Yeah, well, "I'm sort of a health nut" I replied.

"So how is a health nut, [i.e. somebody rigid and totally UNfun like you], ever supposed to be able to relate? Aren't you working in a ministry to reach postmoderns? Then you need to explore more! Smoke a little stuff, party it up!"

That got me thinking. Just how much do I have to experience in order to relate?

Oh yes, I believe everyone must travel their own journey. And no, I don't think it's possible to live life without ever making a mistake or a wrong judgment call, just because we hope to learn from the mistakes of others. Rare is the child who accepts "No! Hot!" as final, without still trying to touch the stove.

But how much do we have to experience to be able to relate?

If you're going to teach nutrition to cannibals, must you eat human flesh in order to understand their mindset?

If you're a rehabilitation therapist who is counseling a sexually abusive serial killer, must you go slaughter and rape a few victims before you can get inside the patient's mind to help bring healing?

Do I have to go get rip roaring drunk to acknowledge the medical fact that a hangover is likely to result?

Just how far should we go? Where is the balance? Is knowledge really worth so little without experience? Could experience be overrated? But then, most of us Christians are still feverishly trying to create a faith experience that moves our beliefs from the head to the heart.

Religion without soul is hypocrisy.

So then, if experiential ownership of faith is paramount, what worth does knowledge have at all? Does only experience count? Is it preferable to have only soul without "truth"? Or does knowledge make a difference as well?

And in the quest for reaching our secular and postmodern world with the gospel, what are our limits? Do we immerse ourselves in philosophical theories until we have lost our ability to believe?

Just how far do we go?

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a psalm for Thanksgiving

Hallelujah! I give thanks to God with everything I've got—
Wherever good people gather, and in the congregation.
God's works are so great, worth
A lifetime of study—endless enjoyment! 

Splendor and beauty mark his craft; 

His generosity never gives out. 

His miracles are his memorial— 

This God of Grace, this God of Love. 

He gave food to those who fear him, 

He remembered to keep his ancient promise. 

He proved to his people that he could do what he said: 

Hand them the nations on a platter—a gift! 

He manufactures truth and justice; 

All his products are guaranteed to last— 

Never out-of-date, never obsolete, rust-proof. 

All that he makes and does is honest and true: 

He paid the ransom for his people, 

He ordered his Covenant kept forever. 

He's so personal and holy, worthy of our respect. 

The good life begins in the fear of God— 

Do that and you'll know the blessing of God.

His Hallelujah lasts forever!

Psalm 111
The Message

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SURVIVAL TIP #4

TIP #4: Just show up. Especially when your PH is preaching. 


If people think that your husband's sermons aren't even important enough for his own wife to be there - they'll either wonder what you have against them, or think there's no point in them showing up.

You don't have to be a party-planning guru or be in charge of lots of church social events. You don't have to be on every committee or even any committees if you don't want to. 

But you DO need to make a point to show up regularly. If you don't, people will naturally (even rightfully) wonder all kinds of things. Is the pastor's wife really a woman of faith, or is she doubting? Has the congregation made some egregious error so offensive that it keeps her away, and if so, who did it? Is the pastor's marriage having problems?

Sure, if you have small kids with early bedtimes, there are going to be events that you skip. When you do, make sure people know that you send your regrets and would have loved to come if you could.

And yes, there'll be times when you're too sick or you're previously obligated and you just can't make it. But let those be the exception to the rule, rather than the norm. 

Just showing up will go a long way toward building relationships and trust among the people you and your PH have been called to serve.


Got a survival tip that someone shared with you, or that you learned along the way? Send it in and we'll share it: clutchtalk [at] gmail [dot] com.

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little miracles

Brittany Cinquemani Woods
newlywed seminary wife & missionary in her own right

Recently, Josh (my PH) and I realized that our need for a couch was getting pretty bad.

We had gotten a free love seat from the Seminary, but it just wasn't cutting it when we wanted to have a group of friends over and only two people could have a comfortable seat!

We began looking and checked out about five different places to buy furniture. Surprisingly, we were able to agree on what we were looking for, but had a hard time finding anything in our price range.

Pastor Josh & Brittany Woods

We decided to make it a matter of prayer. God cares about the little things, so we knew he would take care of our couch. We both kept going back to one of the couches we'd seen, and again we agreed, that's what we wanted!

To make a long story short, when we finally decided to buy the couch, we realized that we would need it the next day, so we didn't have much time. When we went to the store to buy it, there was a brand new couch & love seat in the color we wanted, sitting in the store, and in our price range!

The next day, we had a couch just in time for our small group Bible study! And we love it!

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SURVIVAL TIP #3

TIP #3: Cultivate the art of being warm and friendly to all, while still keeping family information private.


Being friendly and approachable doesn't mean you have to spill your guts.

Remember that everyone else has another best friend, and learn to share only what you're comfortable being public knowledge.


This doesn't mean you're being secretive, just practicing discretion. Veronica talks about setting public, private and personal boundaries in this post.

If you take a few months to get to know people first, you'll be more free to accept ministry roles that you are passionate about and gifted in.

Got a survival tip that someone shared with you, or that you learned along the way? Send it in and we'll share it: clutchtalk [at] gmail [dot] com.

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the pastor's wife, then and now...

The Pastor's Wife. Carolyn P. Blackwood.
Philadelphia: The Westminster Press, 1950.

I love old books.

I love 'em so much that my PH gets kind of irritated whenever we have to move, because there are so many extra boxes of antique books (call them ancient) that I absolutely refuse to part with.

Recently I pulled one of them out to re-read, and thought I'd share it with you. I'm not sure where I ever got it, actually.

The Pastor's Wife was published in 1950, by a seasoned pastor's wife. Granted, the sheer chasm of cultural change makes some of the advice in this book downright laughable.

You know, like the part where the she talks about hanging your wash out on the line early in the week, and making sure the whites are always extra white - so that people will know the pastor's house is clean.

Mmmhmm. Yep. I'm totally gonna get right on that.

But I found other bits of advice to be just as relevant today as they seem to have been 60 years ago. Blackwood talks about the importance of recognizing as a wife that you are as called to ministry as your PH. She also points out the importance of leading by example (even in things as basic as trying to have a home that looks/feels welcoming to guests), as well as becoming a woman of prayer, a thrifty financier and a friend to everyone. Skills like that are still very much in style.

One very valuable concept in this book, I felt, is the author's profound emphasis on cultivating a habit of discretion and learning to withhold judgment when people share even the most shocking things about themselves. Nobody trusts a gossip, and while people may gather to listen if the PW tells a juicy story, nobody will want to seek her advice or counsel on private matters if they know she can't keep a secret.

Another great aspect in the book is her focus on developing graciousness. PWs live under pressure. A lot of pressure. From a lot of different sources. Nobody's perfect, but the less we let ourselves nitpick, the easier it is to stay positive and focused on the blessings.

I was intrigued by the results of a survey the author shared. She questioned laywomen across America, in small and large churches, asking what they wanted from their PW. Here's some of the responses:

• Christian character
• sincerity and friendliness
• tactful, and "not too eager to give advice" :)
• willing to listen, able to counsel when appropriate
• able to keep a secret and not gossip
• well-adjusted/well-rounded
• neat and appealing, but not dressed fancier than her parishioners (especially if they are poor)
• most of all, someone who genuinely cares

I'd say, from my 8 years as a PW - that the last 60 years hasn't changed people's expectations much. They still want to know you care. They still want to know you'll listen. They still want to be proud of their PW when they meet you out and about in town. Mostly, they just want somebody relatable. The challenge is, when everybody want's someone relatable to themselves - it's an almost impossible challenge for the poor PW. Which points back to the "well-rounded" part...

Of course, none of us is perfect. Some aspects come easier to some PWs than to others. But any of us can find ways to show that we care, and we can all learn to keep other people's confidences to ourselves.

Finally, my favorite (paraphrased) tidbits of advice gleaned throughout the book, that might still apply today:

• keep an emergency shelf in the pantry, with ingredients to whip something up for unexpected guests
• dress nicely, but don't look slutty (that's not the 1950's word, but that's what she means!)
• grow a thick skin - stuff happens in ministry, if you obsess over every little thing you'll drive yourself (and your PH) crazy
• don't go busting on your husband's sermon mistakes the second he steps down from the front, give him a day to destress, and then share "kindly criticism" if you really have to
• keep your kids a little sheltered from all the attentions and fault-finding of the "saints", don't excuse their flaws, but don't force them to be on display either
• assume the unexpected will probably happen
• find ways to be thrifty, without looking threadbare
• stay out of church politics and focus on just loving people
• pray a LOT
• find ways to learn from other PWs
• seek to live as an example of godliness to everyone, even if that just means being humble enough to admit it when you've screwed up

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SURVIVAL TIP #2

TIP #2: Be intentional about letting your new church know that you care, that they are important to you.

Your life as a PW may thrive or fail largely based on whether or not people know that you care about them. Every PW's personality and expression is different, and that's okay.

So if you're shy, you don't have to become a social butterfly, and if you're sanguine you don't have to morph into an organizational genius.

Find your own way to let people know you care. Listen, write encouraging cards or emails, text them, give a friendly hug - however it fits you personally. It doesn't have to be fancy or time-consuming, just genuine and real.

You'll be amazed at how people will respond positively just to knowing that they matter to you. And it will strengthen your PHs influence as well.

Got a survival tip that someone shared with you, or that you learned along the way? Send it in and we'll share it: clutchtalk [at] gmail [dot] com.

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loads of love

Several Months ago my husband and I drove to Charlotte, North Carolina to lead worship for a conference. I don't know about you, but sometimes these little trips are exactly what we need to plan and brainstorm for the future of our ministry.

I propped a whole bunch of sticky notes and a huge calendar up on my lap, with a pencil for notes. On the 5-hour drive we were able to accomplish so much, and get so much down on paper. We got to to dream and scheme without interruptions.

Our church has a huge vision to love our city. Red. Yellow. Black. White. Gay. Alcoholic. Addict. We think you still deserve to feel God's love. We like that do do that through tangible acts of service. Doing things that leave people going "Huh?"

Loads of Love was one of those acts of service.

Our childrens' ministry has 20-25 kids each week (remember, we're only 7 months into our churchplant). The kids brought in change they'd collected by doing chores or helping around the house or found in their parents car. The child who collected the most got to put a pie in my husband's face. If they reached the goal we had set for them we promised to throw an ice cream party.

The kids collected a little over $100. Not a ton of money, by any means. I asked myself "How on earth are we going to pull this outreach off?!?" That's when I felt Jesus' still small voice say "You're not, I am." Okay, fine!

We had people sign up to participate. Then we sent teams to two different laundromats where we'd called first for permission. Each team was armed with laundry soap, dryer sheets and lots of quarters. We also gave them donuts and bottled water since it was a Saturday morning. The biggest thing going for us was a team that had genuine love.

We got to the laundry mat and set up all our stuff. Slowly people trickled in, and we told them why we were there. We saw shock, some cried because they didn't really have the money to do their laundry, and we had so many one-on-one awesome conversations. Not pushing an agenda or our church, just simply loving. They saw a little bit of Jesus that day.

Will we see any fruit? Maybe. But we have at least reached one.

One grandmother with her four grandchildren are currently living in a motel. And it's not a Holiday Inn either. I can't share too much info, but one of the girls, a high school student, is now attending our Wednesday Night Glossy Girls (a small group for young girls). This group teaches girls about true beauty, what God thinks about you, and how he has a purpose for your life.

So - that measly $100.00 raised by the children, which I thought wouldn't be enough, was more than sufficient to meet this girl's heart and give her what she truly needed that day, loads of love.

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little miracles

It's November, a time of thanksgiving.

In our house, things have been tight lately. When the PW isn't working, it shrinks the family budget significantly.

So I've been getting creative on ways to make things last. And recently I realized that God's been helping us out.

Diapers are expensive. If you've got kids, you already know this. We get ours at Costco, the cheapest place we can find. But when I calculated how many he diapers he uses a day to know how many days the megapak should last, I realized that each pak is lasting days longer than it should.

You might think I'm crazy, but it seems that God has been working little miracles to extend the diaper supply. It may seem small, but when every penny counts, even the smallest things are miracles.

So this Thanksgiving Season, we're thanking God, for not overlooking even the little things!

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public, private, personal

In ministry, there is leadership and influence. You are a mentor, motivator and model. As such, I found it beneficial to categorize life events into the following: Public Life, Private Life, and Personal Life.

Jesus gave me this idea from the way He led his own life. He had a public ministry to the masses, yet had private time with disciples and those closest to him, as well as personal time alone with the Father. While this composition varies for each of us, it is a great example on how to categorize life.

There are times where you may make personal events public, or private events public, but that is up to you. The people you allow into your personal circle, let them know how you categorize and what you consider personal as well as private. In my experience, nine out of 10 will honor it. (As for betrayal, that is another blog post.)

Everyone's definition of what is public, private and personal will vary. However, if you don't already break life into these categories in ministry, I encourage you to consider it. See how it will work for you. It has proven a great help for us.

Especially in the age of social media, this concept helps to create boundaries. As leaders in the Kingdom, set boundaries in your congregations, in your groups, and with the people you lead. It will keep you strong and moving forward.

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SURVIVAL TIP #1

survival tips for the new PW

So you're a new PW.

This little series is all about tips to help you survive this new world, from young PWs who've been on this path for a few days longer.

TIP #1: Don't accept any church jobs for the first 6 months in any new church. (Make it 1 year if you have a new baby or very small children.)

When you and your PH start serving at a new church, tell people that for the first 6 months/1 year, you won't be considering any roles of service because your first job is to get to know everyone. Tell them you want to just get your family/household settled, learn your way around, and build relationships with people.

Taking a church position too quickly can put you in the crosshairs of conflict. You don't know who else might be desperately wanting the role, or what the expectations are, or the history of who was doing the job before. And you might get pressured into doing something you're neither good at nor passionate about.

If you take a few months to get to know people first, you'll be more free to accept ministry roles that you are passionate about and gifted in.

Got a survival tip that someone shared with you, or that you learned along the way? Send it in and we'll share it: clutchtalk [at] gmail [dot] com.

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digging into devotions - a miniseries (Holly Larsen Elias)

This is part of a mini-series featuring profiles of PWs about their devotional life and how they spend quality time with God. 

Holly Larsen Elias
Georgia
2 daughters, ages 5 & 4

Well I get up early, before the kids are up. Usually by 5:00 or 5:30 AM. I read for about 30-45 minutes. It doesn't happen every day, but I try for most days.

I also try to do some reading before bed, even if it is just 10 minutes. I read the Bible and then read some inspirational book. Right now, I am reading a book called Education -- good stuff!!! I have also read alot of books by Francine Rivers, Beth Moore and Max Lucado. I try to read one book a month as a personal goal.

Besides being a mom, a full-time student, and the pastor's wife -- I'm worship coordinator and I teach the beginner level children's class each week at church.

Share what you do to get personal time with God in a comment below!

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a season of thanks...

In the United States, the month of November is known as the Thanksgiving Season. It's a time for family, fellowship, food and friends.

Canadians celebrate a Thanksgiving holiday during early October. Other countries celebrate similar holidays at different times.

So for the month of November, CLUTCH is doing a few extra posts on things to be thankful for. If God has done some little miracle for your family lately, share it in a comment below or email us at clutchtalk [at] gmail [dot] com. We'll post it here as part of our series.

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