the baby rollercoaster...

It's been a rough month, y'all!

For about three weeks I'd been feeling really terrible - exhausted, lethargic, completely worn down. I assumed it was normal late-third-trimester joys, until I fainted in Target a couple of weeks ago. My doctor's office told me to go to the Emergency Room and make sure everything was okay. I'm sooo not the kind of person who runs to the ER every time I feel dizzy, but this time I'm glad I did.

Blood tests revealed that I was severely anemic, with about half the normal volume of blood in my body (instead of twice the normal volume as it should be when you're pregnant), as well as low potassium and very low blood pressure. The doctors were puzzled, since all my blood work had come back normal only 3 or 4 weeks earlier.

After 8.5 hours on my back on a stretcher in the ER (not fun at 36 weeks pregnant!), and fainting a second time, I was transferred at midnight from our local ER to the downtown Atlanta hospital where I had planned to have the baby.

Two transfusions, three days, and four units of blood later - I was discharged as "stable" and sent to my regular weekly OB checkup with my doctor across the street. Still fainting and dizzy, with lab numbers that were barely reaching the minimum "okay" levels, and feeling no better after all the blood transfusions, my doctor sent me back across the street to be readmitted.

More blood labs. (Don't they know that there's no point in giving you blood if they're just going to take it all away again?!? Sheesh.) Tests and consults with a hematologist. No clear answers.

Tests and consults with a cardiologist. More blood labs. Diagnosis of dysautonomia and orthostatic hypostasis, compounded by pregnancy. (Basically those big words mean that 1)my automatic systems - like blood pressure and pulse rates - don't function correctly and sometimes do the opposite of what they're supposed to, and 2)instead of constricting to recycle used blood back to my heart and brain, the veins in my legs relax and let it stay there.)

Which still didn't answer the sudden drop in iron levels from 12 down to 5. Or the reason why I didn't have enough blood in my body, even though I wasn't bleeding anywhere internally.

Two more days in the hospital. Endless worry about our 17-month old son being juggled by friends and relatives back at home. Lots and LOTS of prayers. More dizziness and fainting spells. Not able to stand up and walk without losing consciousness.

Friday night, I was sent home on strict bedrest, until my doctor was back in town to make a decision about early delivery or not. Saturday afternoon, my awesome nurse-PH went to the ER himself. He'd been getting me some ice water when the icemaker got jammed. As he tried to pull it out of the freezer door, it flew back and hit him squarely in the mouth, causing deep lacerations. When it rains, it pours! This week we spent more time in medical facilities than in the entire 8 years of our marriage combined!

On Monday our doctor said we could have the baby that week. Wednesday morning, 6 AM, found us driving the hour back to the hospital, this time headed straight to the Labor & Delivery wing.

At 9:22 AM, Sophíe Alexandria Grace was born, healthy and strong @ 7 lbs 5.5 oz, 21 inches long, and 37 weeks 1 day gestation.

...baby Sophíe @ 2 days old...

They kept her in the Transitional Special Care Unit for 6 hours or so, making sure her lungs were fine, and checking to see if my anemia had affected her iron levels. Everything came back clear and strong, and after several agonizing hours of waiting - she finally came to stay in our room.

So it's been a little crazy - and I probably won't be up to posting much original material for a little while here on CLUTCH. But I want to thank you all for your prayers and Facebook messages and texts and voicemails. You are all just wonderful!

...1 day old...

In the meantime, Veronica will be holding down the fort, and we have lots of guest posts lined up from other great PW writers.

Lots of love,
~Sarah

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just for pastor's wives (7)

Dear Pastor's Wife,

I asked my husband what he would share with pastor's wives if he could. His response to me was,

"I would tell them to be acutely aware of their capacity to make or break both their husband and their church."

In short, realize your influence, for it is greater than you might think.

He was quick to assure that this is not a statement to elicit fear, but rather to encourage pastor's wives to leverage their place in ministry to further God's kingdom.

He and I have seen it go both ways. We've seen men in ministry flourish, and as you peeled back the curtain of their life, you could see the wife cheering him on and using her position and influence in his life to propel him forward.

She is another set of ears to keep a pulse on what people in the church need and are thinking. She is another mouthpiece wisely speaking into circumstances and representing the vision in places where he is not present. She is a salve when he is wounded. She gives feedback for his own good and growth. She can provide safety for the church with a voice of reason or caution. She promotes, and encourages, and prays for, and champions, and nurtures, and understands him and his ministry.

But sadly, we have also seen pastors whose wives held them back.

Mostly it is that these wives have become too dependent on their husbands for their own happiness and satisfaction. He is her only true friend. She relies on him to get all of her needs met, and when he inevitably fails at this task, she nags, gets frustrated, or falls into a bad state emotionally. Perhaps she gossips or perhaps she is critical instead of encouraging.

Sometimes these wives allow themselves to become resentful of the church. They withdraw and neglect being the unique help meet to their husbands, and ultimately some wives push their husbands right out of the ministry.

I think we as pastor's wives in some ways need to think differently. Instead of, "I need to be up front teaching to make a difference" it needs to be "I need to concentrate my energies on influencing my husband in positive ways". Whether it's through encouragement, discussions over sermons as he teaches the word, or helping him see his blind spots, in many ways a pastor's wife is pastor to the pastor.

Others can teach in children's ministry. Others can lead Bible Study. Others can serve in the kitchen. But no one else can be the pastor's wife. She is more influential to her pastor-husband than the elder board. She has the ability to propel her husband to lofty places, or to bring him low and demoralize him. Even if everything else in ministry is going well, if things are not good at home, he will be discouraged. Only she knows his true joys and struggles and can minister to him in that way.

They say that behind every great man is a great woman. I believe that behind every thriving pastor is a wife who embraces her role and makes his success and well-being one of her top priorities. May we be strong and godly women who show God's grace to our husbands and look for ways to help him thrive in his God given calling.

Choosing joyfully to help my husband,~ Joy

Growing up in a pastor’s home, Joy Dombrow was molded and shaped by a life of ministry and service.  While studying Human Development/Education at a Christian college and then teaching, she partnered with her husband in youth ministry at four different churches, a calling that would continue for 15 years.

Currently, Joy’s husband Joel serves as lead pastor of Willamette Christian Church, where she serves in a wide variety of teaching, serving, counseling and advisory roles. She is passionate about helping women understand and apply the truths in God’s Word and enjoys using speaking opportunities to do so.

In her free time, Joy writes, cheers her kids at sporting events, plays board games, chats with friends, reads five books at any given time, and makes references to her beloved television show Little House on the Prairie... all while sipping on a cup of peppermint tea.

Joy and her husband make their home in the Portland, Oregon area, along with their two school-aged children, Nathan and Elisabeth.

She has graciously shared this series as a guest writer for CLUTCH. You can read more about her life, ministry and family on her personal blog here.

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remembering Jesus' sacrifice...

CLUTCH Friends:

We have been praying for you all week as you prepare to serve this Resurrection Sunday. We are believing that people will be drawn like metal to a magnet into churches around the nation and across the globe to hear the gospel. We are covering you and your family in prayer! Have a fantastic Sunday as you celebrate and lift up the King!

Much love,

CLUTCH Team

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GUEST POST::a whole new world

Pastor Filip & Taylor Bajic

Taylor Bajic, born and raised in the United States, is a newlywed pastor's wife married to Filip, who was born and raised in Serbia. Together, they now live in Scotland, where Filip is a pastoral intern.

Coming into ‘pastor’s wifehood’, I had no notion of what to expect. None of my family members are pastors, so I had never experienced or witnessed first-hand the ‘pastor’s kid’ life. 

Before meeting my PH, Filip, at a Christian college in England, I had never, ever thought of myself as being the wife of a pastor. Mind you, I had never had anything against it – on the contrary, I greatly admired pastor’s wives (and I do now, even more); but the thought had simply never entered my mind.

I had no idea of what kind of man I would end up marrying (I had my educational studies on the mind at the time), but I wasn't closed-minded about it and was open to God’s leading.

I met Filip when I was 19, and I had just begun my second year of Literature studies and he was in his first year studying Theology. Being the ‘homebody’ that I am (and very comfortable in the States), I had only planned on attending college overseas for one year. Then I planned to go back home and finish at a Christian university in Tennessee, where I had begun my studies. But I think God had other plans – and today, I can say that I am very glad and truly blessed.

Filip and I connected surprisingly quickly and felt with each development stage in our relationship  that God knew what He was doing and we were somehow part of a bigger plan. We both felt for the first time that we were being truly led to another person, like we were ‘meant to be together’, silly as it might sound.

Largely due to the small-school dormitory life at the college in England, we became very close very quickly, started dating and even began to discuss the possibility of marriage by the end of our first year there. What should we do? Should we try the long distance thing, or should I stay there with him and continue our studies together?

As terrifying and new as this was, it felt right. If you know me, you'd know that I wouldn't lightly make a decision to move an ocean away from family and life-long friends – not without very careful consideration and prayer. Needless to say, after much discussion with Filip and our parents, I chose to stay until we had finished our Bachelor degrees and Filip had completed his Masters. Without a doubt, I am very close to my family and I greatly miss them – we wish we could visit both our families much more often – but I have never been so sure about a decision in my life, and God has truly blessed us!

Filip got sponsored to pursue his Masters in Theology by the Scottish Mission, so we made plans to move to Scotland in the summer of 2010 for him to begin his pastoral internship. When it was time to apply for visas, pack up our flat (that's called an apartment in the USA) and get ready to go, something happened with the visa process. Suddenly we were completely uncertain of whether we had a position at all, and we were advised to look for another post.

Being so close to our planned moving date and confident that everything would go smoothly, we had already left our respective jobs, so we braced ourselves for a financially tight transition. We were so worried – not sure of where to turn.

Our British visas would expire in two months. We prayed and prayed. We thought maybe God had other plans, so we tried our best to be patient and open-minded. God really worked on our hearts and gave us such peace; although we were worried and scared, somehow we both felt confident that God would provide. And He did, as He always does.

Four months later, after much difficulty and stress the visa situation was ironed out and we were able to move to Scotland after all. Since arriving here, we have received blessing upon blessing – we quickly found a lovely flat to live in, we have met such incredible people (both in the Mission churches and the community) and life is full of joys.

No, I haven’t found a job yet in the four months that we have lived there. And yes, we are still recovering from financial strain.

But God has shown us a different side of things – the bigger picture. He has shown us what pastoral life is like and what it can be. He has shown us that no matter what happens, He will provide. It may not be in the way we would like or expect, but we can count on it – it will always be for the best in the long run.

Since becoming a pastor’s wife, I have learned such a great deal. My eyes have been opened to the reality of ministry. I do not consider myself to be a ‘gifted pastor’s wife’, but I believe God can really use me – and I sure hope He does.

He uses the quiet passions that you never expected to be able to use and turns them into a way to serve His children, as well as Himself. He puts people in our lives – and puts us in others’ lives – in a way that we cannot ignore and that we can learn from.

God is working. And it’s fantastic to witness it. I have never experienced God in such a way as now. People are what God cares about. And boy, am I glad He knows what He’s doing!

No matter how unequipped I feel, I think I can get on board with that.

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News on Sarah and Baby

CLUTCH Family: Time for another Sarah update. As of Friday she was discharged from the hospital. That is great news! She is however on strict bedrest. Continue to keep her in your prayers as you come before the Lord this week. It is possible they will be moving forward with delivery this week; I will keep you posted. WE LOVE YOU SARAH!!!! Stay in bed! It's times like this we all wished we lived a little closer to help with meals, cleaning, laundry and whatever else you might need. Ladies I will keep you posted, Veronica Share

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just for pastor's wives (6)

Dear Pastor's Wife,

"Why doesn't your husband dress 'nicer' on a Sunday morning? Does he really need to wear jeans? That is just so hard for me to get used to."

The encounter was early in my days as a pastor's wife. She was an older lady who was unaccustomed to the laid back generation coming up behind her. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she was well-meaning. However, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with such a statement.

Why she was telling me? Was I seen as responsible for my husband's attire? Did she want me to talk to him? Was she just making conversation? How was I to graciously respond to that?

"The music is too loud."
"He doesn't give enough altar calls."
"I don't think so-and-so is very good."
"I don't think that was a good decision."
"He was too blunt in his preaching."

So many times, as pastor's wives, we find ourselves backed into corners, listening to unsolicited advice, grievances, or "concerns" regarding ourselves, church leadership, or our husbands. In an effort to "better" the church experience, people make strong suggestions and test their influence, particularly with the pastor and his wife. These little needles of criticism can over time leave us worn down and frustrated.

We can't please everyone (and as a pastor's wife our control is very limited), so what are we to do when negativity is placed at our feet? My husband and I are learning in this area and these are the guidelines we try to set in place.

1. Seek to understand the person, not just the criticism
   Usually what is being said is a peek into what is going on deeper inside of a person's heart, and we must look past the words and into their being. You've heard the phrase, "Consider the source". Do they have a reputation for this? Are they hurting? ...because we all know that hurt people hurt people.
   
   Have they earned the right to be heard in your life (i.e. do you have a relationship with them, are they an authority over you)? Are they godly people speaking from a place of the Holy Spirit? What does their criticism say about their heart...is the criticism valid and loving or bitter and controlling?
   
   Beware of people who say "God told me to tell you...." or claim to have the gift of prophecy or discernment and therefore feel they have the right to tell you something that God has not already told you Himself. Just sayin'...
   
2. Sift through the truth and the lies
   Is this a sin issue or is this a preference issue? What part is true and with whom does the responsibility lie? It may truly be their issue that they are trying to place upon you.
   
3. Practice the presence of God in the moment
   The simplest response is always the best. Fewer words mean you can spend those conversational moments praying... for grace, for wisdom, for words and for love. As you listen, remember to keep perspective, for in the scheme of things it probably isn't that big of a deal. Setting your mind on the Lord and His nearness will help you to do that.
   
4. Work on getting over any vestiges of people-pleasing
   In other words, grow some thicker skin. People-pleasing and criticism do not mix. When you can stand confident before the Lord about an issue, it is so much easier to give others grace when they voice their opinions.
   
5. Don't jeopardize your own integrity.Don't get caught up in the gossip.
   Don't give them cause to support the criticism of you.
   Don't get defensive, emotional, or caught up in a power struggle. Just because someone is bringing you their "stuff", doesn't mean you need to engage in the same way.

Those are our general guidelines for handling criticism, but what about more specific situations?

How to handle criticism aimed at our husbands:
This is a difficult one for me because I can handle criticism about myself much better than I can handle criticism about my husband. I think it is probably a love and control thing.

So often, people think that they can influence the pastor through the pastor's wife. I tend to just let them know up-front that this isn't the case with me. I'll say, "I am sorry, I don't usually pass on information like that to my husband. Have you talked to him directly about this?" Either they already have and didn't get the response they wanted, or they haven't because they are too afraid to.

I had to learn early on not to take up an offense for my husband. He is very capable of handling himself and I don't need to be mad at others on his behalf or defend him. Because of this, I even request that my husband not tell me everything negative that happens at church. I want to be free to love people well. Ignorance allows me to do so.

How to handle criticism aimed at our church leadership:
On a very real level, criticism about another church staff member is the same as criticism about another lay person.

It is gossip.

Again, they need to go to the source and we need to cut off the conversation as soon as we can. (I suppose there are rare exceptions if we are in a specific leadership position ourselves and we can do something to promote unity, but if there is little we can do to help, we need to redirect).

Speak highly, yourself, of all those in leadership at the church. The enemy loves nothing more than to see division among staff.

How to handle criticism aimed at our children:
This, too, is a tough one because it brings out the Mama Bear in us. The bottom line? We should not parent any differently just because we are in the spotlight. We must carry on as we would normally do if we were not the pastor's family (hopefully that is in a wise and godly way).

Smile.

Say, "Thank you for sharing". Make sure your children are not around to hear it, and then move on.

How to handle criticism directed towards ourselves:
Just like anyone else, we can encounter criticism about our faith, our parenting style, our dress, our friendliness, our friendships, our attendance, or our ideas. How we handle it is an indication of our humility as evidenced by our willingness to grow, learn, and change.

Rhonda Baker from Central Christian Church taught me this principle:

- Process the criticism over three days, giving it a death, burial and resurrection. On day one, feel the pain, sting and hurt of the criticism. Allow yourself to grieve.
- On day two, go silent and don't talk about it. Just let it set with you and allow the Lord to work within you that which He wants to you learn.
- Then on day three, process it to a place where you can take away a truth that will help to make you better in Christ. At this point, we must filter it through the grid of God's Word, discarding the lies and keeping those things that are valid.
- During this process, ask someone whom you know loves you (and will be honest with you) if there is truth in what has been said and use that for the good.

Finally, in all of this, remember Jesus. He didn't always answer His accusers. He knew His position was secure. He, too, endured criticism and in the midst of it all He remained humble. Oh, that we would follow His example.

Then, dear one, move on. Life is too short, and there is too much ministry to do to allow ourselves to become stuck or bitter in the criticism of others. Thinking too much about the criticism is thinking too much about yourself.

God has called and anointed us to help lead our churches and we must move forward in that calling. Leave the criticism behind and walk toward the glory of serving our God.

Growing stronger and wiser with you,
~ Joy

Growing up in a pastor’s home, Joy Dombrow was molded and shaped by a life of ministry and service.  While studying Human Development/ Education at a Christian college and then teaching, she partnered with her husband in youth ministry at four different churches, a calling that continued for 15 years.

Currently, Joy’s husband Joel serves as lead pastor of Willamette Christian Church, where she serves in a wide variety of teaching, serving, counseling and advisory roles. She is passionate about helping women understand and apply the truths in God’s Word and enjoys using speaking opportunities to do so.

In her free time, Joy writes, cheers her kids at sporting events, plays board games, chats with friends, reads five books at any given time, and makes references to her beloved television show Little House on the Prairie... all while sipping on a cup of peppermint tea.

Joy and her husband make their home in the Portland, Oregon area, along with their two school-aged children, Nathan and Elisabeth.

She has graciously shared this series as a guest writer for CLUTCH. You can read more about her life, ministry and family on her personal blog here.

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© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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News on Sarah & Baby.......

CLUTCH family, I wanted to update you on Sarah. As many of you know Sarah is expecting!! Yay for the Asaftei family! I have some not so great news. A few days ago, she was out shopping and suddenly blacked out. She was immediately taken to the ER and was in need of a blood transfusion. Sarah is still carrying (Praise the Lord) however; some delivery decisions need to be made soon. She was released from the hospital but then was readmitted and is currently there for continual observation and treatments. After the baby is delivered there are additional procedures that Sarah will need to have done. We are believing God for a healthy mama & a healthy baby in Jesus name! Would you join us as we pray for Sarah and baby Asaftei? Sarah is giving updates here and there on her FB status; she has limited internet access. A big thank you to Rachael Scott who is copying them over to the CLUTCH FB page, where you can keep posted on the latest. Thank you & love you much! Veronica Share

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Africa vs. the USA?

LaRae and her husband are missionaries in a Muslim country in West Africa, where they are developing a public health clinic to serve the medical needs of the people in their village. They live with occasional electricity and running water, and have a son who is 3 years old.

Reasons I’m thankful I live in Africa:

1. I’m reminded to take time for relationships on a daily basis
2. Life has that “back to the basics” feel
3. My worldview is constantly challenged and broadened
4. Going home for visits is so much sweeter
5. I'm actually getting to know the people where I shop, they're not just another face at the store
6. My son gets to learn that there is more to life than toys
7. I see a million things to be thankful for that usually I take for granted, such as:
1. Oatmeal
2. Brown rice
3. Whole wheat flour
4. Raisins without worms
5. Jam
6. Outlets that work
7. Fans
8. Running water
9. Internet
10. Health
11. Balls in the States that don’t go flat the same day you buy them
12. A healthy baby
13. Justice
8. Death is a part of life, so when its time for someone to go, the people here let go and don’t try to hang on for hours/days/months/years.
9. Fruits and veggies are family grown and taste so much better
10. The opportunity to see how the 10 commandments really do keep us happier. There is no hope for a people who do not abide by God's basic moral principles.

Reasons I wish I lived in a developed country:

1. Sugar is clean (and bug-free) when I buy it
2. Beans are more or less bug-free when I buy them
3. The salt is actually salty
4. There are relatively few insects in the house
5. I can just up and go to the store or a friend’s house with out much prior planning
6. I can expect good internet and phone service
7. No one is going to scam me on the price of veggies (or anything else) just because my skin is a different color
8. I can find pretty much anything I want or need without much trouble or too much money
9. Health care is accessible (I suppose this is debatable depending on the country)
10. There are many spiritual resources in my language

As I look back over my two lists I notice a striking trend. The first list is teaching me a lot about life and giving, and less about receiving. The second list is more about what I want to get.

Hmmm.

Maybe this is why I’m in Africa. I have a lot to learn.

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just for pastor's wives (5)

Dear Pastor's Wife,

There are such wonderful joys and privileges of being able to serve people!

I wouldn't trade my life with anyone else. I love my church family. I love that I get to encourage and minister to others. I love that people entrust to us the momentous occasions of their life, whether they be the highest highs or the lowest lows.

The role of pastor's wife is unique. It is one of the few positions of life acquired by the status of your husband's job. It is a position where his job also happens to be your church, ministry, and friendships. It is a position where you get to see (and hear about) each facet of what he does for a living, which is both a blessing and a curse. There are confidences to be kept. There are unpopular leadership decisions to be made. There are hurts of others to be absorbed.

If left to run it's own course, leadership in this unique role can be lonely if you let it. It just feels like there aren't enough people who can identify. However, there are people who can support you as you embrace this incredible journey, simply because of their love for Jesus and their love for you.

I have found it important to purposely pursue and create my own support system. It won't happen by chance (well, maybe it could, although I wouldn't sit back and wonder), but the joys of ministry are so much sweeter if you have people in place around you that you trust for encouragement, for accountability, for friendship, and for sharpening. The difficulties don't go away, but they are certainly lessened by the presence of such people. I suppose it is true for anyone. God made us to need each other.

Here is a peek at my support system:

1. A Prayer Team
This is a group of about ten prayer warriors who have agreed to pray for me when a special need arises. They include family members and friends from outside the church (so that I can be candid), and one person from within the church (whom I trust). They often ask me how they can pray, and when something comes up, I send out a quick email for their prayers. I am so thankful for their willingness to go before the Lord on my behalf. It truly means so much to me and gives me confidence as they pray.

2. A "Board of Directors"
This is a group of 9 people that don't even know that they are on my board! :) Instead of having just one mentor, I have 10.

Each year, I sit down with a piece of paper and draw a rectangular "table" with 10 open chairs. I write down a name in each place, starting with Jesus as being the chairman of the board. Then I have someone that I go to for parenting advice. Someone I go to for counsel on being a loving wife. Several people that encourage me in ministry. Someone I would go to for financial or business decisions. Someone that keeps me accountable for exercise. Someone that I just go to as a godly peer friend. Someone that will keep me accountable in my spiritual growth.

The list of needs may change from year to year, but I try to be intentional about who I allow to influence me and my life path.

3. Community within the church
There is old advice out there that says you can't have any close friends within the church for fear that others will get jealous or accuse you of having a clique. To that I say, "Good grief!"

We as pastor's wives need to model what a church community is about and it should be in part about friendship. We hope that people in our congregations would develop close relationships and so the same should be true for us.

Of course, they shouldn't be exclusive in nature, but it is sure nice to see a friend at a women's event, or a prayer meeting, or at services. I try to participate in small groups at various times and in various ways in order to build community for myself. Within that, I have a few women that I just feel comfortable with. I don't spend tons of time with them, but I know that they love me for me and they know that I love them.

If you don't have a good friend at church, pray for one. It is a blessing from God.

4. Community outside of the church
I think that this should be an important priority. Having a life outside of church helps to create a sense of normalcy and perspective.

Perhaps you can find community through your children's school or sports. Or maybe you can take up a hobby. Or maybe work allows you to have this type of community. Meet regularly with another pastor's wife from a different church. Join the virtual community of pastor's wives. Read good books about ministry. I do all of these things, filling myself up with things outside of my own church so that I can be enriched and ready to pour out to others.

Supportive people in our lives are necessary for our joy and emotional well being. They give us longevity in ministry and they are a vital part of the work to which God has called us. Let's be intentional about pursuing these relationships and being an encouragement to one another!

Grateful for those who come alongside me,
~ Joy

Growing up in a pastor’s home, Joy Dombrow was molded and shaped by a life of ministry and service.  While studying Human Development/Education at a Christian college and then teaching, she partnered with her husband in youth ministry at four different churches, a calling that would continue for 15 years.

Currently, Joy’s husband Joel serves as lead pastor of Willamette Christian Church, where she serves in a wide variety of teaching, serving, counseling and advisory roles. She is passionate about helping women understand and apply the truths in God’s Word and enjoys using speaking opportunities to do so.

In her free time, Joy writes, cheers her kids at sporting events, plays board games, chats with friends, reads five books at any given time, and makes references to her beloved television show Little House on the Prairie... all while sipping on a cup of peppermint tea.

Joy and her husband make their home in the Portland, Oregon area, along with their two school-aged children, Nathan and Elisabeth.

She has graciously shared this series as a guest writer for CLUTCH. You can read more about her life, ministry and family on her personal blog here.

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© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
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GLO Conference 2011 w/Jessica Cornelius

Last week I had the opportunity to attend GLO Conference 2011 hosted by Jessica Cornelius, wife to Bil Cornelius, pastors of Bay Area Fellowship Church, in Corpus Christi, Texas.

The conference lineup was amazing! Jessica shared a few words each night encouraging the ladies. My favorite line of hers was "pay full price for your destiny." I love that!

Her other two speakers were Lisa Bevere and Lisa Young. Lisa Bevere spoke on allowing the Lioness within you to arise. My favorite line from her message was "When speaking to your sons, correcting your sons or corresponding with them; speak to them as a Prince, not yelling and magnifying their lowest form." I love that! Mark and I always say we are "training royalty" when referencing Mark II and Matthew. I was so excited to hear we are not the only ones who think that way.

Lisa Young spoke on depression. She shared her story and personal struggle with it, as well as offered hope at the end of her session. Between evening conference sessions, it was a great time to hang out with each other, do lunch together, shop and other fun things. We had lunch in a large group on Friday, trying the famous “fried avocado” followed up with coffee as a group back at the church, with Lisa Young.

Below are some pictures for you from throughout the event:

Shake the Nation (here's their album) with Grammy-nominated, Jennifer Pena, ushering in the presence of God.

Jessica Cornelius looking amazing and exhorting the women

Lisa Bevere delivering the Word

As you exit the sanctuary

The FAMOUS "fried avocado" (fried avocado, cheese, carne asada & more cheese)

My favorite "Pollo Frontonizo" Chicken Breast, scallops, shrimp, crab meat and other goodness

Coffee with Lisa Young, imparting into the lives of Pastors' Wives. This was my first time meeting Lisa and hearing her speak. She truly has insight for oversight. Love her!

My friend and gal with the sweetest heart - literally; Jessica Cornelius.

Lisa Young

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Jane Cruse Bearden; genuine to the core!
Follow her on twitter, friend her on FB!

Angie Brown. We just met, I kept forgetting her name, then it dawned on me my sister-in-laws name is Angela Brown. Oops! Now, it's forever imprinted on my heart.

Loved getting to know her.

(L-R) Julie Richard, Robin Mitchell, Lisa Hughes. Seasoned Pastors' Wives - follow them, friend them. Iron sharpens iron and these ladies will celebrate your uniqueness and cultivate your confidence.

Lisa Young ministering Friday night.

These beautiful friends are Gwen Brock (right) and Cindy Thomas (left). Impacting, Influencing and Inspiring the world around them.

Amber White, up and coming voice to the nations!

Make plans to be there next year! Pastors Bil and Jessica rolled out the red carpet! They, along with their staff exemplified 100% spirit of excellence and honored all ministerial gifts visiting their house. ((love my gift basket by the way)) Everything was stellar. The conference was phenomenal!

Over 1,000 tuned in via live webcast, the lives of many women were changed, which means homes and families across South Texas and the nation will be impacted. (Dvd’s are available for purchase, call BAF for details: 361-933-5900.)

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when a baby dies...

LaRae and her husband are missionaries in a Muslim country in West Africa, where they are developing a public health clinic to serve the medical needs of the people in their village. They live with occasional electricity and running water, and have a son who is 3 years old.

NOTE: LaRae wrote in January (read it here) about caring for Aishatu, a beautiful baby orphan girl with AIDS. By the time that was posted on CLUTCH, LaRae and her husband had successfully initiated adoption proceedings and were looking forward to bringing baby Aishatu home with them on furlough to the USA later this year.

Sadly, Aishatu got sick and died on February 17th. She passed away in LaRae's arms. This is LaRae's first post since Aishatu's loss.

Two people.

That is how I feel sometimes. The person everyone sees, and then the person inside whom only I know. This bipolarity*, split personality*, drives me nuts. Thankfully, it isn’t there all the time. But times of crisis, emotional stress, spiritual depression, change in physical location and the like bring out my second person.

I ask myself "Which one is actually my second person? Who am I really?" This battle has been going on since I was 10 or 11 years old and I often describe it as my prison. Its intensity varies. Now it has again surfaced as I deal with the grief of losing a baby.

I watched a baby die and yet the world goes on like normal! My mind tells me it is no big deal, lots of people have seen someone die. Just because it was my first time doesn’t mean the world should stop. But that last breath, that feeling of utter helplessness is forever burned into my memory, a memory that cannot be put into words. And still everyone goes on like normal and I am forced, merely by being alive, into that flow as well.

My inner person is distraught.

I am dealing with sorrow; wishing time could rewind to try something else; feeling guilt; arguing with myself that I did all I could while I didn’t do enough at the same time.

Meanwhile, my outer person goes on dragging myself out of bed, cooking, cleaning, helping the kids, smiling, visiting people, helping people, and all the other millions of things that come my way. It becomes surreal. A normal life, and a haunting memory of something horrible.

“That would be just like the devil to make you feel guilt at a time like this,” were my mother’s words. Don’t give in, she intoned. I thought about that and realized she was right. There's what I know to be true, and there's the things I keep thinking in my head.

Okay. But how am I to keep going like all is well, when my heart is so heavy I don’t want to get out of bed?

Back up a little. One night my three year old son and I were talking about heaven. I was describing heaven and what God has told us in the Bible -- how we can live close to our family and friends and never have to say good-bye.

“We can also have baby again and she will be healthy!” His little face lit up and then he looked thoughtful. He looked at me and said, “We aren’t sad then any more!” Just this week, when someone asked when he'd have a baby of his own, he answered, “When we go to heaven!”

Watching his matter-of-fact, simple faith, I begin to understand why God said we must become like little children. For them life is simple, straight-forward. Their faith is fresh. But my grief is burdening me. This guilt I am laden with, blinding me to the hope I know.

So how does this change things with my two persons? Neither one is who God made me to be. The outer one is who I think others want me to be, and the inner one fluctuates between being my best friend and worst enemy.

God has asked me to look to Him, not others, as to whom I should be and how I should act. If I go to Him daily, He will write His will so deeply in me that it will become as natural as my DNA. That will take care of the outer person while providing the anchor to my inner person. Who I am inside is made up of my thoughts and what I choose to believe.

By believing God’s word and hiding it in my heart, I will have an anchor when the devil comes with his doubts, fears, complaints, guilt, critiques and anger.

Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth and the life.” (John 14:6) And, “If you continue in my word, then you are my disciples indeed; and you shall know the truth, and the truth whall make you free.” (John 8:31,32)

By hiding God’s word in my heart I do experience freedom. Freedom from the devil, from myself,  from others’ expectations.

PS: I still have moments. I still cry. I still ache and feel empty without this little baby girl who was ours for such a short time. But I am encouraged and find strength in the simple faith of my son. Heaven will bring all things new and I can hardly wait for that day.

*Spoken figuratively - not literally! :)

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just for pastor's wives (4)

Dear Pastor's Wife,

Just last week, I was having lunch with a sweet friend of mine who is a fellow pastor's wife at a nearby church. Our congregations have both gone through some significant changes over the last few years and we were talking about the difficulty of having people that we have loved and invested in move on to other churches.

Some of those people have left our church to go to theirs.

Some have left their church to come to ours. Some people just come and go due to job changes and moves.

In strange irony, as we were eating, the owner of the restaurant came over to say hello. My friend introduced us. He happened to have attended her church at one time.

"We left because the youth pastor transition was hard on my son."

He didn't know who I was. He didn't realize that I was the wife of the youth pastor who had left. In an effort to quickly diffuse any embarrassment he might inadvertently bring upon himself, I said, "My husband was the previous youth pastor."

"Oh yeah? He was good. He's over at Willamette now, right? We tried out that church and enjoyed his preaching, but we decided on a different one."

When he departed, my friend and I just looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders, and laughed. What else can you do? Those conversations are deep down awkward, but God gives His grace at just the right time.

I am thankful that He has taught me early in my ministry to be open-handed, for I have seen what possessiveness can do. It can eat away at your spirit and make you bitter and angry at others. It's hard to keep a loose, yet loving hold upon those whom are your church family. Even if they are entrusted to our care for only a season, we are to go all out in (guarded) abandon to serve and honor them. God will probably move them on at some point, but we can count it a privilege that He ever let us be a part of their life at all. (It doesn't mean it won't sting a little...or a lot ;-).

Along the lines of being open handed, one of the most freeing pieces of advice ever given to me was this: It is a great gift to the people in your congregation when you give them permission to not have to like you. (Certainly we hope that they do and heaven forbid that we ever conduct ourselves in a repulsive manner).

Actually, it is also one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Of course this is not a verbalized permission, but it is conducting yourself in a way that does not grasp, or worry, or strive to please people and work for their approval. We can get very weird if we believe that everyone must like us, for not everyone will. We can inadvertently put pressure on people to be someone they are not when they are with us, or to include us in all of parts of their lives.

It's a possessive and prideful spirit that we must release to the sovereignty of God, and as we do so, we will be refreshed in our souls.

Worrying about whether or not people like you or whether or not they like your ministry will drive you crazy and put you in a looney state of mind. I have seen it happen to many a pastor and his wife. 

So, my friend, pry those hands open. Allow people to come and go. Allow people to have their opinions about you and the ministry. Release it all to God, then whether it flourishes or falters, it can all be used for His glory.

And you can relax and enjoy the ride knowing that HE is in control.

With hands outstretched,

~ Joy

 Growing up in a pastor’s home, Joy Dombrow was molded and shaped by a life of ministry and service. While studying Human Development/Education at a Christian college and then teaching, she partnered with her husband in youth ministry at four different churches, a calling that would continue for 15 years.

Currently, Joy’s husband Joel serves as lead pastor of Willamette Christian Church, where she serves in a wide variety of teaching, serving, counseling and advisory roles. She is passionate about helping women understand and apply the truths in God’s Word and enjoys using speaking opportunities to do so.

In her free time, Joy writes, cheers her kids at sporting events, plays board games, chats with friends, reads five books at any given time, and makes references to her beloved television show Little House on the Prairie... all while sipping on a cup of peppermint tea.

Joy and her husband make their home in the Portland, Oregon area, along with their two school-aged children, Nathan and Elisabeth.

She has graciously shared this series as a guest writer for CLUTCH. You can read more about her life, ministry and family on her personal blog here.

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© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

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