fill her up

 In Texas (where I'm from) you'll hear "fill her up" all the time, referencing filling up the gas tank in your car or truck - all coupled with a Texas twang.

As a child of the Most High, a woman of God, someone after God's own heart, don't you want to live life filled up?

I want to walk in the authority He has given me. I love to encourage those around me to thrive and not just survive. This requires that I be full -- full of the word and sensitive to the Holy Spirit.

As PWs, we have busy schedules. Some of us serve alongside our husbands, others manage women's ministry, children's ministry or praise & worship. Some maintain a personal career, others have little ones and are focused on holding down the home fort.

Whatever your schedule, do you make time to spend with the Father? How many times have we been guilty of giving and pushing ourselves to the limit? It's time to replenish. It's time to fill up. It's time to renew.

Let's take it one step at a time.

If you are tired of reading the bible version you have, get another one.

If you need to engage in a new bible study, go visit the bookstore.

If you need an accountability partner, find one. That's actually what CLUTCH is all about, to help us be there for each other.

How do you fill up? Leave a comment and let us know!

I enjoy relaxing on the couch in the early mornings, while the kids sleep. I read my bible and in pure silence simply reflect on what God is speaking through his Word. I also enjoy engaging in worship, simply praising and worshiping for the audience of One.

Together, this week, let's commit to "filling up"! It's so easy to get discouraged. It's easy to focus on the hurt and pain that congregants and others in ministry have caused. But God is calling us to a higher level!

Are you in?

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digging into devotions - a miniseries (Dilys Brooks)

This is part of a mini-series featuring profiles of PWs about their devotional life and how they spend quality time with God. 

Dilys Brooks
California
2 kids, ages 4 & 2

How do you make it happen? I set time aside in my schedule daily. If I want uninterrupted quiet, alone time for worship, I get up before anyone else in my house. A good week is when I am able to get 7 days.

What do you do/read/study?
I am following a liturgical calendar. I read and reflect on the scripture assigned for the day. Then I journal on the New Testament passage and my prayers.

Delroy & Dilys Brooks & kids

When do you do it?
If I want uninterrupted quiet, alone time for worship, I get up before anyone else in my house. Each morning at around 5:00 or 5:30am. Our oldest gets up at 6:30am, so if I begin worship 6:30 or later, he will join me. This will mean a short worship because he will tell me that he's hungry at about 7:00AM.

What kind of ministry are you involved in?
I am a Chaplain. At church I teach classes during the study hour before church (Beginners & Young Adults, on alternate weeks); and I am a Worship Leader and an Elder.

Share what you do to get personal time with God in a comment below!

 

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Introducing a New Writer

My name is Veronica E. Brown.

I am the wife of Pastor Mark Brown, an amazing man of God. I'm mom to two growing, adventurous, dynamic and creative boys; Mark (5) and Matthew (3). We are founding Pastors of Breath Of Life Worship Centré in Austin, Texas (Cedar Park to be exact).

I have a BA in Biblical Studies and Theology, completed two-years of Seminary and am an Ordained Minister. My background is Business Administration/Operations Management. My goal is to challenge, inspire and motivate everyone around me to maximize their potential and increase from the ordinary to the extraordinary; in every area of life.

My husband and I will be married for 12 years this November. I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly of ministry from the eyes of a Youth Pastor’s wife, Singles' Pastor's wife, Associate Pastor’s wife, Evangelist's wife, Church Planter's wife and Senior Pastor’s wife.

I have a heart for PW’s and Ministry families across the board. I am excited to be writing for CLUTCH!

My column is called “Wholehearted” it represents how I choose to do life. (Deut 6:5) Everything I do is for Him, because It’s All About Him! 

“Wholehearted!”

I love you ladies already, let's connect! I look forward to meeting everyone!

www.facebook.com/pastorveronica
www.twitter.com/pastorveronica
www.veronicabrown.tv

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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digging into devotions - a miniseries (Juliet van Heerden)

This is part of a mini-series featuring profiles of PWs about their devotional life and how they spend quality time with God. 

Juliet van Heerden
Florida
newly married, no kids

I'm involved in the ministry of teaching young children & being a wife to a never-been-married-before man. It's all I can do at the moment. But I'm asking God to show me what my niche is in my new church.

Pastor Andre & Juliet van Heerden

I like to get up early & meet God before anything else takes up my thoughts. I like to read straight from the Bible - asking God to direct my reading.

When I feel no direction, I do it anyway - just taking my study lesson chapters as a guide. Sometimes I take to studying an entire book of the Bible for a while. It just depends.

I also like to write scriptures on index cards and keep them on rings in my purse or car. I also put them on Post-It Notes on my bathroom mirror. I can easily access God's word when I'm sitting at a stoplight, blowing my hair dry or putting on my make-up. I've been able to memorize scripture without even realizing I was doing it.

Share what you do to get personal time with God in a comment below!

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date night with the PD...

Kids crave time with daddy. Sadly, lots of PKs may get even less time with their PD (pastor dad) than regular kids do.

Even when they get the same amount of time with Dad that other kids do, PKs are often under a different amount of pressure and expectations than other kids. Which means that intentional, quality time with Dad is even more important.

Last year, we posted about a research study on why PKs leave the church. Two of the biggest factors are:

• unreasonable behavioral expectations just because their daddy is the pastor, and
• lack of family relationality at home.

So how can we make it different in our homes?

One big way, is to make sure each child gets individual quality time with their PD. I read one parenting book that said "dad should never leave the house without taking a child along". Obviously, that doesn't work all the time, but it's a great idea. Gotta run a household errand? Take a kid with you. Gotta go to church early? Take a kid with you.

One of my PH's ultimate childhood memories is about times like this with his dad, who wasn't a pastor but taught a study class at church each weekend. They lived in Communist Romania, where Christianity wasn't exactly a popular choice. Every weekend, rain or snow or shine, he and his daddy would walk  two miles to church early in the morning, without his mom or sisters. He got to sit and listen to the teachers discuss and prepare for their classes before everyone else arrived.

His father died when my PH was only 14, and those little boy memories of going to church at dawn with daddy are deeply cherished.

Another way to increase family relationships is to have a sacred family day every week. Nothing gets in the way, not meetings, not phone calls, not emails, not sermon prep. It is so special that nothing short of fire, flood or death will keep Daddy away. Let the kids decide what to do on Family Day sometimes. Plan special outings, or just stay home and play games on the living room floor. What you do together doesn't matter so much as the doing of it.

Besides regular weekly family days (or at least half-days), try having daddy put each child on his calendar for a actual date - at least once a month. It can be for just an hour, but during that time daddy's phone is turned off and his attention is focused on that one child for the entire time.

Got more great ideas? How do YOU keep your family connected? Leave a comment!

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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date night with the PH...

Getting off on a date with your awesome PH ain't always easy. If you've got kids, it can feel downright impossible.

BC (that's before child) we used to get out at least once every other week, if not weekly. Then the Little Man arrived, we were called to a district that is hours away from family babysitters, and our date life went down the toilet.

Ugh.

I won't romanticize our date-night success. Honestly, it's an area we know we need to improve in. We do try to spend at least one evening a week together - although most of the time we end up just staying home and snatching a few quality minutes after baby's bedtime.

But we know that a pastoral marriage critically depends on regular quality time focused on each other. Otherwise you can grow apart without even realizing it, and suddenly realize you have very little in common. So here are a few (inexpensive and easy) ideas to stay connected:

If you can't get out of the house, make a regular couch date - tell the kids (if you have them) that this is 20 minutes of mommy and daddy time.

Pray together at night before you fall asleep, or first thing in the morning when you wake up. Share your thoughts and ideas and burdens with each other and God.

If you have kids, get a babysitter once a month and go out for a meal. Lunch can often be easier than dinner - unless your babysitter is skilled at bath and bedtime routines. 

Sit on the living room floor and play a board game or card game. Or do a puzzle together at the breakfast table. Dates don't have to be fancy, just intimate.

Read a book out loud together, in installments. Take turns doing the reading, and picking the books.

Go walking or hiking together. Get out of the house on family day and enjoy nature - especially as the autumn weather gets cooler and more comfortable.

Sign up for a local daily coupon (like www.groupon.com) to get fabulous deals and discounts on nice restaurants and activities in your area.

Got more ideas? Share 'em in a comment below so some other PW can get her imagination rolling. What's your favorite way to get quality PH time?

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what's your GOOD STUFF?

Our column the GOOD STUFF wants to hear from you!

What are the best things about being married to a pastor? Your fave perks? The stuff you're most grateful for? Your biggest blessings?

Share with us by email at: clutchtalk [at] gmail [dot] com. Illustrative photos/captions are welcome.

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dear abigail::what about when the hurt just won't go away

After a summer hiatus, DEAR ABIGAIL is answering your letters again.

My husband and I have been in ministry for almost twenty years now.  For the past 3 years we've been in a church that has both the sweetest, and the most viciously power hungry people I've ever seen.

We pray, we fast, we've started a prayer warriors group.  Things seem like they are getting better and then . . . the other shoe drops.  I am not a particularly sensitive person.  Things that would bother many people roll off of my back.  But since we've been here, my heart has been broken repeatedly.  I'll think I'm doing fine and then, it happens again. 

What do you do when your heart just never really mends? When the pain just keeps going deeper and deeper?  I've prayed to God so many times, sometimes for hours and hours - until the pain goes away. But, I'm finding that I am somewhat discouraged with God right now, although He IS my life. 

I keep praying, but I also keep hurting.  We are not planning to move from here.  We love our home, we believe that God brought us here and even want to retire here.  I've grown a lot through these few years of pain and frustration, but now I feel  . . .  frustrated, hurt, confused and wounded. 

Dear Wounded,
It sounds like you are serving in a very tough district. It might even seem easier if it were all negative, so that you wouldn't let your guard down during the good times!

There is nothing I can write here to fully take away your anguish - although I wish that I could. However, I can remind you that you are not alone. Many other PWs can relate - including myself. Your description sounds much like our very first district. The near-demonic cruelty among the "saints" nearly drove my husband out of the ministry in his first year as a pastor.

One of the most crucial things to remember is that their actions are not necessarily personal. Vicious, power-hungry people would be acting this same way no matter who the pastor might be. Their viciousness and their insatiable need to control things did not begin when you arrived - it has likely been their reality for a long, long time.

You are already praying for God to heal your broken heart. But have you prayed for God to break their hearts as well? Not in a cruel sense, but in giving them such a powerful awareness of their own selfishness and sinful actions that their hearts are broken in regret. A heart-breaking over how they have hurt God and others, and of how much they need Jesus' grace and transformation power.

Have you prayed for God to do whatever it takes to get their attention, to bring them to Himself, to awaken them to their need of Him?

Many times, the best way to initiate healing in our own hearts is to begin praying also for the people who hurt us. Ask God to save them. Ask Him to do whatever it takes to change their hearts. Intercede for them.

Very likely, over time, you will find that your heart is not so broken anymore. Instead of feeling hurt and bitterness toward them you may feel pity, compassion, or even sympathy for them.

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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5 friends every young PW needs...

• a PW your age who is at the same place in life. She knows what you're going through, because she went through it last week. You either both have kids or both don't, and have been married and in ministry about the same length of time. Her philosophies on life, ministry and parenting are similar to yours, and you can bounce ideas off each other without worrying what the other thinks. Most of all, you can trust her to be discreet.

• a PW older than you who can still remember what it felt like when she was your age. She is your mentor, confidante, advisor and friend. You can go to her when you want counsel rather than commiseration, when you need a godly woman's perspective. Her unvarnished feedback might sting sometimes, but helps you grow, and you know she loves you even though you're not perfect. Most of all, you know she's honest with you no matter what.
  
•  a totally NOT PW who is not a parishioner in your husband's church. She is someone fun and lively, spontaneous and full of laughter. You can go to her when you need to destress, relax, and let your hair down. Her company is enjoyable and invigorating, and she's full of encouragement and sass. She has great insights on things as someone outside pastoral ministry, and gives you a balancing view. Most of all, you can be real around her without worrying about what she thinks.
  
• a non-PW role model who is the embodiment of the godly woman you want to be. She oozes class, smarts, style and sweetness. You observe what she does and how she does it, and those observations make you dream bigger. Her qualities are something you'd like to see when you look in the mirror someday - and she may not even know it! Most of all, she inspires you toward greatness.
  
• a younger PW who is going through what you have already experienced. She looks up to you, seeks your opinion, and appreciates your stories, coaching and wisdom. You share what you've learned, not as an expert, but as a fellow traveler in the PW journey. Her admiration is a source of accountability to you, keeping you focused. Most of all, she gives you someone to pray for and encourage.

These five women probably won't all be in your life at the same time. If you're lucky, one or two of them will live close enough that you can actually hang out in person on a regular basis. Many of these relationships will probably stay alive through phone calls, emails, and social networks - but it helps just to know that they're there!

PS: If you've got a fabulous friend who falls into one of these categories - feel free to leave a shoutout comment below. And then send them a link to the post so they know how much you appreciate them! 

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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CLUTCHcritic::scripture memory aids

I would be true
For there are those who trust me
I would be pure
For there are those who care
I would be strong
To turn my eyes from evil
Choosing good thoughts
And strengthened by a prayer

So go the words to my son's latest favorite lullaby. While we love lots of kinds of music, my PH and I talked at length before our little guy arrived about the home atmosphere we wanted to create for him. We figured there will be plenty of time for him to listen to the rest of the music out there, and most sources won't be offering the very best - God's word.

So we've searched high and low for a nice library of kids' music that is both enjoyable and gentle, fun and moral. During these early years, while he's like a sponge of learning, our goal is to get as much Scripture into his fabulous little mind as possible.

And we discovered a Christian family business online that sells books and CDs with kids reading and then singing scripture chapters and short choruses (like his favorite lullaby). The funny thing is, we find ourselves unconsciously memorizing entire chapters as we play the songs for him. Since memorization doesn't top my list of fave recreation activities, that's a huge plus.

Unlike a lot of kid's music, which is so bouncy it makes me want to climb walls long before a child would tire of it, these songs are almost soothing.

If you've been looking for great children's Scripture memory resources, Thy Word Creations might be a good place to start. If you have some of their materials, or order some because you read about it here, leave a comment and share your review.

DISCLAIMER: CLUTCHcritic only reviews resources, music & materials that we think might be relevant for young pastoral wives and their families. We do not receive perks or returns of any kind in exchange for our reviews. A CLUTCHcritic review does not indicate endorsement of the product being reviewed. CLUTCHcritic takes no responsibility for the opinions, doctrine, lifestyle or teaching of products or their producers.

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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