BSF. go!

If more Bible study and spiritual growth are on your list of resolutions for 2009, then, may I suggest that you look into Bible Study Fellowship? BSF is an interdenominational Bible study class for women (though they have men's classes). You meet in small groupgs to review the homework, listen to a lecture and sing. This year we're studying the life of Moses and going through, chapter by chapter, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. I don't know what you may have heard about BSF in the past, good or bad, but if you've ever considered attending, let me give you an extra nudge.

You can find BSF classes all over the country, all over the world, actually.

Here's why I think it's perfect for pastor's wives:

• You can attend and no one has to know you're a PW (no expectations).
• You can attend a women's Bible study and you don't have to host, prepare, clean up, make snacks.
• It starts and ends on time.
• You meet new people outside of your church circle.
• You learn. You grow. You love your Bible more. You love God more.
  
• You can take your kids to the children's program where they learn from the same passages you're studying (starting with age 2).
• There's daily homework to keep you studying throughout the week.
• It's free (though they accept offerings).

For those of you who attend really high-tech services with a huge band, lights, praise team and jumbo trons, you might be in for some culture shock. BSF is extremely low-tech. It's church UnPlugged (except for mics and an overhead projector...no, that's not a typo...not powerpoint....overhead projector). You'll sing from the host church's hymnal accompanied by a volunteer pianist. No matter. It's a rewarding experience and I encourage you to check out the website, find a class near you and contact the class administrator. Or you can just show up at the first meeting of the month when they have intro classes for new people.

Anybody else here a BSFer, like me? What other "systems" of Bible study have helped you keep your nose in the Word?

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merry christmas from the clutch chicks

We'll be taking a short blog break. Will be back next week. Merry Christmas!

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recipe

For any veggie-conscious readers out there, you know that the holidays can be such a drag! Or maybe you have a vegetarian coming over for Christmas dinner... you don't have to skip all the fabulous recipes.

Just this year I found a new hit. So if any of you are drumming your fingers, searching the web for a creative (but easy and quick) last-minute holiday dish - your search is over. Of course, it isn't fat-free... but there are some sacrifices we simply must make on Christmas! (And hey, it DOES have spinach!) You can easily make a non-vegetarian or vegetarian version of this crowd-pleaser.

Chik'n Artichoke Bake

8 oz dried bow tie pasta
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 garlic clove, pressed
1 tbsp olive oil
2 eggs
1 1/4 c milk
1 tsp Italian seasoning
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp crushed red pepper (optional)
2 c chopped Worthington brand "Fri-Chik" (or cooked chicken if you prefer)
2 c shredded Monterey Jack cheese (8 oz)
1 14-oz can artichoke hearts (drained & quartered)
1 10-oz pkg frozen chopped spinach (thawed and squeezed to drain)
1/2 c oil-packed dried tomatoes, drained and chopped
1/4 c grated Parmesan cheese
1/2 c soft bread crumbs
1/2 tsp paprika
1 tbsp butter, melted

1) Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Cook pasta until tender, and then drain. In a medium skillet saute onion and garlic in olive oil until translucent, stirring occasionally, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat.

2) Whisk in a bowl: eggs, milk, Italian seasoning, salt, red pepper. Stir in Fri Chik, Monterey Jack cheese, artichoke, spinach, tomatoes, half of Parmesan, cooked bowties, onion and garlic. Pour into large casserole dish.

3) Bake covered, 20 minutes. While baking combine a topping of remaining Parmesan, bread crumbs, paprika, and melted butter in a small bowl. Remove casserole from oven and sprinkle topping over pasta. Bake uncovered for 10 minutes more, or until golden brown.

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christmas cheer

A few years ago my family revamped our holiday traditions.

We actually didn't grow up making a big deal out of Christmas. Besides being church-mouse poor, we were rather counter-culture. If the whole world out there did it, then we usually didn't.

That changed about the time I became a teenager. We started getting a tree, giving gifts, and getting out of control. Well, not really out of control... but you know what I mean.
So four years ago, we corporately decided to change gears. Instead of presents, we wanted to create other family traditions. That year "the boys" (dad, my husband, and my sister's fiance) built a quilting frame. Then "the girls" worked together on an heirloom quilt in ivory satin and chocolate taffeta - to a marathon of old Christmas movies.

The next year, we painted each others' profiles/silhouettes on large canvasses. They've been hanging in our respective homes ever since.

Last year, dad got "the boys" each a .22 rifle and took them to the woods to teach them how to shoot. (We're all vegetarians, so no innocent animals die.) But they all love their annual tradition of target practice. It's their man-thing while the girls cook Christmas dinner. Before they all have to wash the dishes!

Our family is stronger for saying goodbye to materialistic holiday obsessions. And our wallets thank us kindly. I only hope that we can somehow help the next generation to understand...

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snubbed by the christian scrooge

Have you ever been snubbed or shot down when trying to do something nice for someone? This weekend, I decided to invite someone from church, with whom I probably wouldn't naturally hang out, over for Christmas dinner.

After asking, "Do you have plans for Christmas dinner?" I promptly got a mini-sermon about the pagan origins of the holiday and how un-biblical it is to celebrate it.

O.... K. "Well, I was just going to invite you over for Christmas dinner, but that's okay. Maybe another time."

So much for getting out of my comfort zone... Back in the zone.

Anything like this ever happen to you?

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in your shoes

Got a picture of your favorite "church shoes?" If not, take one this weekend and email it to us! We're going to feature everyone's shoe submission in an upcoming post. We can't wait to see what's on your feet. Email clutchtalk@gmail.com.

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the interview: lori wilhite

THE STATS

Husband: Jud Wilhite
Family: Emma - 8, and Ethan- 5
Your Occupation: Stay-at-Home Mom
Church: Central Christian Church - Las Vegas, NV

THE INTERVIEW

Years married? 12 years

How did you meet? The first time Jud saw me, he was speaking, and I was in the audience. I thought he was looking at me, but then decided that I was crazy. But he was. He figured out who I was and called me with what might be one of the worst pick-up lines in history: “I just, uh, wanted to see if I could take you to coffee and encourage you.” Maybe not the smoothest line, but it worked. And I was crazy about him from our first lunch. Five months later we were engaged. Four months after that we were married. That was 12 years ago. I love him more now than then. I’m the luckiest girl ever!

How long have you been a PW? He was in ministry when we met. So, 12 years.

What is your favorite way to partner with your husband in ministry? Before Jud became a Senior Pastor, I was very involved in ministry alongside him. But now, my role in ministry with him has taken on more of a supportive role ... praying, cheerleading, encouraging. I have quite a few ministries that I do on my own now (working with pastor's wives, our online campus, and leading a "school mom" bible study).

What's the hardest thing about being a PW? I've struggled with different things over the years, but right now I think busy schedules is my hardest thing. We love what we do, but as the kids are getting older and busier, it is getting harder to manage everything. I seem to get to this point about once a year and have to lay everything out and start slashing a few things so that we can get some sanity back.

What are some of the perks of being married to a pastor? There are tons of perks ... tons. Probably too many to name or count. The trick is learning to live in the joy of leadership instead of living in the difficulties. We are so blessed that God lets us join Him by serving in this way. I wouldn't want to do anything else.

Do you network with other pastor's wives? How? I mainly connect through the blog world. I also do quite a few things throughout the year with our staff wives. And this past fall, I was fortunate to get to go to a little round table with some amazing Pastor's wives. I got close with a few, and know that I can call them at anytime (and I have) and they will understand.

What areas of ministry do you feel passionate about? A few years ago I started a ministry for teenage moms. While I've since handed the leadership on, I still love them so much. I am very passionate about reaching out to them, helping, and making sure they know how much God and His Church loves them. I also do some work with Pastor's Wives, and I love it!

Do you have any PW mentors? The "mentors" that I have don't really know that they are mentoring me. That sounds kind of stalker-ish, but I mean that I try to be like a sponge. I try to soak up all the great stuff that my friends have learned over the years and also learn from great people like Lisa Young and Kay Warren.

How do you fit the traditional/stereotypical role of a PW? In what ways do you break the mold? I'm not even sure what the traditional/stereotypical role is any more. When I was younger, I thought pastor's wives would look like that lady in "Footloose" and be pretty perfect. The ideal that I had in my head was like a cloak over me. It hampered me in almost every area of my life and ministry. Then one day I realized that I actually didn't know anyone that matched the ideal I had in my head. I knew amazing women who were doing awesome ministry ... and not one of them was what I pictured in my head. That started a journey of me figuring out who I was and getting to a place where I was OK with that. I'm becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin ... comfortable with who God made me to be. And that He can use me ... even with my faults and failings. In fact, he chose me as Jud's wife and ministry partner knowing exactly who I am.

What are you reading? I'm a huge reader, although I mostly read fiction. I actually have an online book club. We just finished discussing "The Shack" and are moving on to "I'll Have What She's Having" by Bobbie Houston. Then on to "The Host." I'm all over the place I guess.

What's playing on your iPod? Right now the main thing playing on my iPod is the Twilight soundtrack. I love it. I'm also still loving Coldplay's album.

How do you like to spend your husband's day off? My husband is off on Fridays. I used to be very sad about that since both of our kids are in school that day. I was so sad that they didn't have a "day off" with their dad since we do services on Saturday and Sunday. But now, I love it. Every Friday, Jud and I go out for a day date. We have breakfast, see a movie, shop, grab coffee, whatever. It is great time together. I cherish it. Then we do Family Pizza and Movie Night that evening with the kids. It works great for our family!

Have questions for Lori? Ask away! And check out her blog, Leading and Loving It, which offers even more insight about life in leadership.

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staying out of the doghouse

A little humor for your Monday. (the nice crisp video can be found here: http://bewareofthedoghouse.com/video.aspx).

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what do you call your PH?

My PH (pastor-husband) and I were talking the other day about what people at church call the pastor. He's a pretty informal, down-to-earth guy, but he still prefers members to attach the "Pastor" handle to his name.

On the flip side, I correct people when they call me Sister M or Mrs. M... I feel like that's my mother-in-law, not me. I prefer that people call me by my first name.

Sometimes I've found it tricky when I am trying to get his attention or addressing him in a public setting. I don't really like calling out "Ben!" It feels funny. At the same time, I have to be intentional about calling him Pastor Ben. It doesn't come naturally.

I attended an informal pastor's wife/fiance/girlfriend class when he was in undergrad and the leader insisted that we should, without exception, address our PH as Pastor X (last name) in the presence of church members. I think that tradition, if it ever was one, is dead for the new breed (us) of PWs. What do you think? I don't think members should take their cues about what to call the pastor (or any other person) from their spouse. If I call him honey or baby or sweetheart in public, that doesn't give anyone else the right to call him that. So, why should calling him by his first name be any different?

More questions for ya:
What do members call your PH? What does your PH prefer to be called (by his members)? What do you call him at church or in social settings with members?

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speaking of networking..

I found this article by Becky Badry, on the Lifeway site. It's about pastor's wives finding ways to network with each other and the benefits of developing these relationships, including:

Encouragement to keep priorities straight. Women are people-pleasers by nature. Imagine what a challenge it is to try to please the whole church. Keeping God first, family second, and ministry third are challenges that are common to these women.

Mentoring relationships, friendships, and role models. Based upon several surveys of ministers’ wives, a leading concern is loneliness. How can you be involved in a congregation of people and feel alone? It's easier than you think. I experienced it as I entered into marriage at the age of 19. Suddenly I had gone from a 19-year-old youth to being a minister’s wife! It was a whole different playing field in many ways--including socially. Granted, I was pretty unprepared for the change and the role. It wasn't like anyone presented me with a "minister's wife manual" as a wedding gift. However, I sought out other wives to relate to, observed their lives, and allowed them to become my role models and mentors.

A listening, loving, safe environment. As minister’s wives gather, they like to tell their stories. The safe environment of a peer support group allows for ministers' wives to receive affirmation when moving toward Christ-likeness, but also allows for feedback from different perspectives. Prayer support becomes critical for these wives.

They also list ideas for connecting PWs in your community. Check out the article here.

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your role?



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you're invited...

...to invite your friends.

Every one of us has at least one friend who is a pastor's wife. And they might like to belong to an online community of fellow travelers in the same shoes, too.

So we'd like to invite you to pass on the link to CLUTCH (http://clutchtalk.blogspot.com) to your PW friends. Doesn't matter what country they live in, or what church they belong to...

The more readers, the more we can learn from each other and inspire each other to be God's women in the pastoral home.

Merry Christmas!

the CLUTCH chicks

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networking with other PWs

Back in April, Craig Groeschel, pastor of Lifechurch.tv in Oklahoma, opened his blog up for readers to ask his wife, Amy, questions. The question I posted was:

Do you network with other pastor’s wives in your area? If so, what activities/events have you found to be the most beneficial in terms of support, sharing, spiritual growth, etc.

Here's her answer: (check out the rest of the question/answer blogs here)

Delina, Yes! For the past several years I have co-hosted a pastors’ wives luncheon in our metro area. We gather together at least semi-annually to connect as friends and pray for one another. It has been a wonderful blessing to get to know and deeply care for these women and the churches they serve.

If you’d like to start something like this in your community, here are a few ideas:

• Start with two or three pastors’ wives you know and ask them to invite their friends.
• Ask your husband which pastors he knows whose wives might be interested.
• Pray and ask God to show you ministers you’ve never met that you could invite.
• I’ve found that most pastors’ wives can make it to a midweek lunch. Many love to bring something and contribute.
• Chances are good you’ll be shocked at how many ministry wives crave these friendships.

I strongly recommend you start uniting ministries however you can in your community!

Have any of you have success networking with other PWs?

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mammas don't let your babies grow up to be pastors

This video was depressing. It ain't this bad, ladies?! Right?

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open thread

What's on your mind?

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the interview: michelle wegner

THE STATS

Husband: Rob Wegner
Family: Madeline-10, Whitney-8, and Isabelle-4
Occupation: Stay at home Mom, but I have picked up a few babysitting and puppy sitting jobs in the neighborhood to make ends meet. I am the only mom that stays home in my neighborhood, so it works out well for me!
Church: Granger Community Church, Granger, Indiana
Years Married: 15

THE INTERVIEW
How did you two meet?
Rob and I attended the same church growing up. When I was 12 and he was 15, he became good friends with my older brothers. It was love at first sight for both of us. We were best friends first, but started dating when I was 16 and he was 19. We were married when I was 19. I have never regretted being married so young.

How long have you been a PW?
15 years- Rob started working at GCC right out of college. I followed him here after we got married.

What is something you wish church members knew or understood about you (or your family)?
We love to see you in public, but my children get confused when you start crying and telling their dad all your problems at the mall or the McDonald’s play area.

What is your favorite way to partner with your husband in ministry?
I love hands-on ministry in India or at Son City Kids, our ministry to the children of inner-city South Bend.

What's the hardest thing about being a PW?
Making and maintaining friendships.

What are some of the perks of being married to a pastor?
Of course the very spiritual answer would be “all the changed lives” , but other pastor’s wives know that already soo…

Traveling with him to India and seeing the Taj Mahal.
Conferences that are located in WARM places during the winter.
I got to eat lunch sitting next to President Jimmy Carter and his wife Roslyn once. That was a pretty big perk.

In what ways would you still like to grow in your role as a PW?
I love the age and stage our children are at right now, but it really limits my “hands-on” time for ministry. I am really looking forward to the day when I can travel to India more often with Rob, not just to see exotic things like the Taj Mahal, but reaching women and children of the third world is a huge passion of mine. I look forward to the day when I can invest more of my life there.

How do you help your kids deal with the pressures of being pastor's kids?
My kids are pretty fortunate to be raised in such an amazing community and church. I rarely see our church members treating our children any differently than the other children at our church. Our senior pastor, Dr. Mark Beeson and his wife Sheila paved the way for us with their children. They did not allow their children to have special privileges or use the term P.K. with them. Neither do we.

What is the most meaningful thing you do to support your husband?
Being a dutiful housewife (sarcasm intended). I am not Suzie Home-maker, but I do my best to maintain our household at a level that brings peace and happiness to all. This is really hard considering I have rheumatoid arthritis and have three extrememly spirited little girls.

Do you have any PW mentors?
I sure do. Gail MacDonald has been an amazing friend and mentor to me in many ways. She is a fountain of wisdom, and she speaks to the deepest part of me.

Sheila Beeson, our senior pastor’s wife is an amazing wife and mother to her grown children. She and Mark did so many things right in raising their kids, I just want to be like her.

What are you reading?
Alaska by James Mitchner and Edges of His ways by Amy Carmichael

What's playing on your iPod?
I don’t have an iPod, but I do have a Zune, which was supposed to be my Christmas present. (I accidentally opened it because the package had my name on it.)

I just downloaded Handel's Messiah. It's a huge part of my personal Christmas tradition every year. The girls don't appreciate it, so I listen with my headphones.

Other stuff that's on it:

John Denver (don't laugh)

U2

David Crowder

Hillsong United

Rich Mullins

Celtic Woman

Your husband is a pastor at a church with four weekend services (2 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday), how do you manage that weekend schedule?

The girls and I usually attend Saturday nights when Rob is on. It's easier for me to get them ready in the evening than the morning. I used to attend several services before we had kids. I really wish I still could, but with 3 kids, it's just too much.

Have you encountered any "expectations" in that regard?

Nope, none whatsoever.

How do you like to spend your husband's day off?
Sleeping in, going out to breakfast together if the girls are at school, hanging around home, going hiking, having family pizza/movie night so I don’t have to cook.

Michelle is an active blogger. Check her out here. Have any questions for Michelle? Ask away!

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his day off

Due to our husbands' unconventional schedules, it's oftentimes necessary to do creative things with time management in order to make married life and family life work. You need a day to catch up on things around the house, do family things, run errands or relax with a good book or favorite TV show. Some pastors choose to use their day off as a sabbatical of sorts, where they disconnect from all errands, responsibilities, stresses and concerns and commune with God.

So, tell us about your husband's day off. Is it always the same day each week? Do you get to spend it together with him? If so, how do y'all spend it? Have you made any "rules" about his day off? Do the church members know to respect that day?

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thanks for something

All the festivities are done. The turkey is eaten (and you've probably started your new year's resolutions list already!). Black Friday is behind us. Your Christmas decorations are probably on display already. The weekend services are done. Now that you have time to reflect on this Thanksgiving, we're wondering, what PW-related blessing are you most thankful for?

Okay... I'll go first.

I'm thankful for a husband who, despite the hundreds of things he has to do, and the mountain of work that he has when we get back, knows when and how to go on vacation. It helps that we're in a place where our cell phones don't work, too. I know I couldn't be any other pastor's wife. He even left his ministry-related reading material at home, though we ended up reading So you don't want to go to church anymore together.

Your turn!

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