unclutching to hold on

It wasn't that long ago that Sarah and I, via instant message, started brainstorming ideas for a blog for pastor's wives under 40. It was exciting and the creative exchange we were having was exhilarating. And still, I never anticipated all that it has become. It's something I'm proud of.

It's been a thrill and a blessing to connect with pastor's wives all over the country with whom I would have never crossed paths -- even getting to meet some in person.

But now it's my time to let it go. In the year or so that I've been building Clutch with Sarah, my son turned 2, I birthed 2 daughters and my husband's workload has increased tremendously due to the death of our senior pastor. Even with all that, I was still dreaming and planning for cool things to do with Clutch...and then reality set in. I have my hands full. I need to let go (unclutch) and clutch a little tighter to home.

Anyway, I know God has awesome plans for me, for Clutch, for Sarah and the ladies who will be pitching in. It's truly been a blast. I thank you for being a part of it.

Here's who I'll be holding on to a little tighter as I let go of the blog. :)

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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rebellion

I saw this graphic on Anne Jackson's Permission to Speak Freely site (go check it out), and immediately I wondered how applicable this notion would be to us, young pastor's wives. What if it read, "I've tried so hard not to be the stereotypical Pastor's Wife,..."

I can't tell you how many times I've met a woman who IS the stereotypical PW! She works with the children's ministry *and* plays the piano *and* cooks for the potluck *and* gets to church on time. Inevitably, we talk about pastorswifering and she tells me how she's "so-not the typical pastor's wife. I've experienced this from PWs of all ages. Which begs the question, What is the typical pastor's wife, anyway... but that's not the point of this post! Back to the original thought...

Do you find yourself retaliating from the pressure to be what church member's expect?

In order to assert your independence from expectations and showcase your individuality, have you ever ended up straying away from the woman God designed you to be?

In what ways have you gone out of your way to prove or convey that you do not live in the PW box? Has that ever led you to sin or to glorify the sin in your life?

Talk to me.

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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the flip side of the research

I recently came across this fascinating research on Ed Stetzer's blog. It described how much time Protestant pastors spend in a typical week on various aspects of life, including work and family life. I wonder what you think of it. Where does your PH fall in the spectrum? Is the bulk of his time really spent with his family? Is there something missing? Online time, maybe?

Just last night, I was making an ... observation... to my PH that even though he's here (@ home) in bodily form, he's not necessarily HERE. The phone is always ringing, or he's attending to church business via email or his mind is on all of the church things that need to get done. I wasn't complaining, really. I understand. But I wonder how many of these pastors, who say they're with family, are really working from home.

But that wasn't really the point of the study, really... Here's what they say:

Protestant pastors in America are working long hours, sometimes at the expense of relationships with church members, prospects, family and even the Lord.

A telephone survey of more than 1,000 senior pastors indicated a full 65 percent of them work 50 or more hours a week – with 8 percent saying they work 70 or more hours. Meetings and electronic correspondence consume large amounts of time for many ministers, while counseling, visitation, family time, prayer and personal devotions suffer in too many cases.

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I would love to hear your thoughts. What would your PHs graph look like?

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

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traditions and rituals...

Like any other category of the population, we pastor families have a rich variety in tradition and customs. Each of us does things differently.

In our family, I always tell the children's story when my husband preaches. That way I can match the teaching time for the kids to the theme of his sermon. Other than that, I don't do anything or accept any jobs in a new church for at least the first 6 months - so I can have time to get settled at home and get to know people at church before taking responsibilities of any kind.

And when we move to a new district, we usually try to host an come-and-go open house as soon as we get moved in. That way we can get acquainted with people in a comfortable, casual environment and let them know where we live and that our home is a place of welcome.

Everyone has a different way of doing things - and we can all benefit from hearing how things are done in other PW homes.

Do you have a tradition for when you move to a new church? How about a family night tradition that your children love?
Do you have a ritual that you do the night before church? Or in the afternoon after church?


What do you do as a pastor family that makes you unique?

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new places, new faces...

I got this bouquet last weekend.

It was the first weekend at our new church. The congregation was warm, friendly, and the church seemed to thrum with vibrancy. It felt like it was nearly bursting at the seams.

I've never been welcomed in a new district like that before. In one previous district on our first weekend, no one seemed to know or care that we were the new pastors. Granted, it was a large church and we weren't the only pastoral family. But still... after my husband's first sermon we waited for lunch plans. A welcome potluck? No. An invitation home? Huh uh.

Not last weekend - in this district it was like meeting a new family. Of course, there were little things. Like the woman who came up and commented that "your baby was really fussy during church!"

(And I swallowed back the retort that would have sounded something like: "Lady, my kid is 11 weeks old. He sat quietly on his daddy's lap during a 15-minute children's story, and fussed for LITERALLY NINETY SECONDS at the beginning of the sermon before conking out for a nap. I got up at 5:30 this morning so I could make it to church on time with my hair fixed and in a church dress. Yesterday I cooked all afternoon so I could bring a dish to my own welcome potluck. And right now my whole body is screaming 'cause I'm carrying a diaper bag in one hand and a 14-pound baby in the other, wearing a girdle and standing in 4-inch heels because I want to make a good impression on our first weekend here. You are NOT seriously going to stand here and try to tell me that my baby was too fussy!")

But if I'd blurted all that I might as well have just come in my pajamas, 'cause it would have obliterated any good impression I was trying to make.

And honestly, in this new place - where my husband is the senior pastor and I'm the only pastor's wife - I really did want to make a good impression. I want them to like me. I long to make new girlfriends. I very much DO NOT want to tick anyone off on the first day!

I don't think most people have any idea just how much the pastor's wife wants to be liked. Or how desperately we hope to find friends. Or how we cringe when other women our age look intimidated just by walking past us.

So that's my latest first-weekend-in-a-new-church story. How about you?

How do you feel the first time your husband preaches in a new church? Do you do anything special to get off on the right foot?

Spill.

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