a question for you...

Last week, I got a phone call from a friend of mine who leads an international ministry for Pastor's Wives. She regularly travels all over the world talking to PWs and their PHs, finding out their needs, listening to their concerns, and praying with them.

In a ministry like this, she keeps realizing the incredible need to provide some kind of resource to new PWs. A kind of "how-to" manual to get them oriented into life as a PW. Not every woman gets married knowing she's going to be a PW. Some pastors enter ministry later in life, others marry girls who are brand new Christians and are still learning about the gospel. But even those who grew up in ministry-oriented families can get overwhelmed when they put on their PW shoes!

So she asked me if I would be interested in helping her develop some resources to help young PWs get off on the right foot. I said "Absolutely!"

And now I'm coming to all of YOU for input. Dontcha love me? Here goes:

What do you wish that someone had told you about how to be a PW when you got started? 
Or, if you're new to this gig, what do you wish someone would tell you right now?

Leave me a comment below, or if you don't want to share with the world, send me a private message at clutchtalk (@) gmail (.) com. And please leave your name on your comment, for research' sake... if ya don't mind?

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© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
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CLUTCHcritic::scripture memory aids

I would be true
For there are those who trust me
I would be pure
For there are those who care
I would be strong
To turn my eyes from evil
Choosing good thoughts
And strengthened by a prayer

So go the words to my son's latest favorite lullaby. While we love lots of kinds of music, my PH and I talked at length before our little guy arrived about the home atmosphere we wanted to create for him. We figured there will be plenty of time for him to listen to the rest of the music out there, and most sources won't be offering the very best - God's word.

So we've searched high and low for a nice library of kids' music that is both enjoyable and gentle, fun and moral. During these early years, while he's like a sponge of learning, our goal is to get as much Scripture into his fabulous little mind as possible.

And we discovered a Christian family business online that sells books and CDs with kids reading and then singing scripture chapters and short choruses (like his favorite lullaby). The funny thing is, we find ourselves unconsciously memorizing entire chapters as we play the songs for him. Since memorization doesn't top my list of fave recreation activities, that's a huge plus.

Unlike a lot of kid's music, which is so bouncy it makes me want to climb walls long before a child would tire of it, these songs are almost soothing.

If you've been looking for great children's Scripture memory resources, Thy Word Creations might be a good place to start. If you have some of their materials, or order some because you read about it here, leave a comment and share your review.

DISCLAIMER: CLUTCHcritic only reviews resources, music & materials that we think might be relevant for young pastoral wives and their families. We do not receive perks or returns of any kind in exchange for our reviews. A CLUTCHcritic review does not indicate endorsement of the product being reviewed. CLUTCHcritic takes no responsibility for the opinions, doctrine, lifestyle or teaching of products or their producers.

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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what makes a church healthy?

A few days ago, beliefnet.com published an article about a recent study of 32,000 congregations, which cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to conduct. The article, "Methodists Study the Hallmarks of Healthy Churches" shares some of the study's conclusions. They were careful to point out that there is no guarantee that the study's findings can apply to any other denomination, but it's likely that there is plenty of crossover.

Top two challenges churches are facing:

• economic pressure of the cost of the infrastructure, which is increasing at a rate that is greater than the giving
• a creeping crisis of relevancy, (the number of) young people not growing as a percentage of the participants

The article says that the study found four "key areas that fuel vitality:

• small groups and programs; 
• worship services that mix traditional and contemporary styles with an emphasis on relevant sermons; 
• pastors who work hard on mentorship and cultivation of the laity; 
• and an emphasis on effective lay leadership.

These four factors 'are consistent regardless of church size, predominant ethnicity, and jurisdiction,' the study concluded. "

Interestingly, the study also found that "it did not matter whether ministers held seminary degrees; whether pastoral ministry was a first or second career; or how long the minister had been engaged in pastoral ministry."

In other words, effective pastoral ministry results from following a calling, not from pursuing a career.

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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yay for tax day... (or not!)

Filing taxes as a member of clergy can be complicated. There are so many extra receipts to track, allowances to consider, and numbers to crunch. 

A few years ago, my husband spent hours and hours every year poring over our tax returns to make sure he hadn't missed anything. Then he got a stroke of genius and began hiring an accountant to do it instead. The peace of mind that comes with having a good tax guy (who is familiar with all the latest clergy tax policies) more than makes up for the expense of his fee. 

I'm guessing that different pastors have different arrangements, but another frustration we've faced with clergy taxes is that we have to pay them ourselves. So when we get that (already minuscule) paycheck every two weeks, we have to always set aside a certain amount for the quarterly tax payment. When the taxes are already removed, you don't necessarily notice so much - but when you have to take them out yourself, it can be almost physically painful. 

So what do you do to get ready for Tax Day? Go online? Fill out the forms yourself? Send it off to an accountant? Got any tips to make the process easier? Fill in the rest of us on your strategies!

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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what message do we send?

Lots of people have mixed message about organized "religion" in today's society. And sometimes we as Christians don't help sort out the confusion.

As PW's, we have the opportunity to help our husbands influence how people view God and the church. Here's what one church did to communicate to people around them. What does your church do?

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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women's bible groups

For all the women out there who are participating/leading/wanting to start a bible study group and aren't sure what materials to use, what is your favorite

• bible study course?
• inspirational book?
• series of lessons?

© CLUTCH, 2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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can't attend a conference?

Last week we highlighted upcoming conferences for pastor's wives, but if a 2010 event is not in your plans, in your budget or in your vicinity, check out these resources from previous events.

FREE:

Global Pastors Wives Network - streaming videos

Pastors Conference 2009 (Sovereign Grace Ministries) - 2 sessions for pastors wives - MP3 downloads

Seminary Wives Discipleship speakers (The Masters Seminary) - MP3 downloads

FOR PURCHASE:

Living Proof Live with Beth Moore for Ministers' Wives - (from 2009 Nashville event)

Just Between Us conferences - CDs

Pastor's Wives retreats (The Word for Today) -DVDs and audio

First Lady conferences - DVDs, CDs and some MP3 downloads (scroll down to just above the middle of the page)

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why PKs leave the church...

PKs have a reputation. Everybody knows that... and even though we try our best, there are generations of bitter pastors' kids who make all of us tremble when we think about raising our own.

I recently read the results of a study that asked "What influences do ministry parents have that affect whether their kids stay in the church?"

This study asked 111 questions of clergy parents across the Mid-Western states of North America to find answers. I wrote the researcher, Dr. Martin Weber, for permission to share his findings. Here's what he discovered:

• Parental conservatism regarding lifestyle standards is not statistically significant in attrition.
• Legalism regarding gospel doctrine (soteriology) is a moderately significant cause of attrition.
• Legalism regarding practicing the principles of the gospel is a major cause of attrition.
• For clergy parents to hold their own children to a higher behavioral standard is one of the highest causes of attrition.
• Lack of relationality in the pastoral family is the most serious cause of PK (pastors’ kids) attrition. Pastors with the highest retention rate of adult children are those who managed to provide the most positive and “fun” family experience in the parsonage and were close enough to talk about anything in an atmosphere of freedom that allowed children and teens latitude in developing their own faith experience.
• The greatest predictor of future faithfulness as an adult is whether the PK during growing up years takes initiative to approach a clergy parent to discuss spiritual matters.
• Closely associated with family relationality is the freedom and trust expressed in discussing controversial issues. There is no greater cause of attrition than to attempt to shield children from knowledge of, or to resist discussion about, church or denominational conflict.
• Congregational criticism of pastoral family members portends future attrition of adult children.
• There is definite significance between the experience of entering the pastorate during one’s 30s and the future attrition of one’s children.
• Having a clergy grandparent is a stabilizing factor in the spiritual life of a PK.

Dr. Weber also says that the three most significant factors in avoiding attrition are:

1. being able to discuss church problems at home, while
2. managing to sustain joy and togetherness in the family circle, and
3. giving teens freedom to develop their own faith experience without the expectations of being super saints because they are the pastor's kids.

To read more of Dr. Weber's research, articles or books click HERE, or email him directly at: martin (at) midamericaoutlook (dot) org.

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CLUTCH on facebook

We've had a CLUTCH page on Facebook for a while, but haven't had a chance to do much with it. So you might have noticed that we've recently added two Facebook widgets to the blog here.

The widget on your left (scroll down a bit) is where you click to have CLUTCH fed straight to your facebook page.

The widget at the bottom center of this page is where you click to become a Fan of our CLUTCH site on Facebook.

We hope you'll click both of them: so you never miss a post, and all your Facebook friends will know that you're a CLUTCH reader!

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PW blogroll...

Today, CLUTCH got a little updating on its resources and accessories. (Check out the newest link for "The Preacher's Wife" under PW SITES to your right!)

We've added a number of PW bloggers to our blogroll as well. If you keep a blog and would like us to add you, please just send an email with your URL to: clutchtalk (at) gmail (dot) com. We'll be happy to add you!

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mother blessings

I was at a baby shower for a church member when another church member approached me and asked when my shower would be (pregnant with twins due in Aug.) I told her that I wasn't really into showers and would prefer not to have one. What I really wanted to say was, "Can I plan my own mother blessing?" Yeah, fat chance.

More than toilet-paper-around-belly games and guessing baby food flavors, I would love a gathering where mothers share their advice about raising daughters, where they share their stories of how their mothers raised them, where there are meaningful prayers for the labor and delivery, where women bond in an atmosphere of love and support. Since I can't plan my own blessing, I'll just hang tight until I can do this for someone else...

Being a PW, you may be asked (directly or indirectly) to host a baby shower or this might be something you love volunteering to do for the women in your church. If creating a more meaningful event to honor the mom-to-be and baby appeals to you, here are some tips from a fellow PW, who is also a doula in Maryland.

Deidre has hosted and participated in several mother blessings. In this video she gives great examples on what to do, how to plan the event and how understanding what mother blessings are all about.




Resources:
http://www.blessingwaybook.com/
http://www.naturalbirthandbabycare.com/blessingway.html

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LPL Ministers' Wives conference videos

At last, the Living Proof Live Ministers' Wives conference with Beth Moore is available for download. I coulda SWORN that at the event they announced that it would be a free download, but alas, it's not. It's $20 bucks. If it's even 10% of the live conference experience, it's worth every penny. I promise.

Check it out here!

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a note from susie

"I just wanted to let the PW's know that we have small group material to go w/ the challenge if a church wants to use it for a couples group. Also, we give churches a break on the price of the books when they buy in bulk etc..."

You can can contact Susie directly for more information.

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in our shoes Bible study

I discovered this Bible study, In Our Shoes by Jennifer Landrith and Rachel Lovingood, at the ministers' wives event in Nashville last month. Have any of you done it? Do you like it? Do any of you plan to do it with other PWs? Would love your feedback...

If you want to learn more about the study, click here.

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BSF. go!

If more Bible study and spiritual growth are on your list of resolutions for 2009, then, may I suggest that you look into Bible Study Fellowship? BSF is an interdenominational Bible study class for women (though they have men's classes). You meet in small groupgs to review the homework, listen to a lecture and sing. This year we're studying the life of Moses and going through, chapter by chapter, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. I don't know what you may have heard about BSF in the past, good or bad, but if you've ever considered attending, let me give you an extra nudge.

You can find BSF classes all over the country, all over the world, actually.

Here's why I think it's perfect for pastor's wives:

• You can attend and no one has to know you're a PW (no expectations).
• You can attend a women's Bible study and you don't have to host, prepare, clean up, make snacks.
• It starts and ends on time.
• You meet new people outside of your church circle.
• You learn. You grow. You love your Bible more. You love God more.
  
• You can take your kids to the children's program where they learn from the same passages you're studying (starting with age 2).
• There's daily homework to keep you studying throughout the week.
• It's free (though they accept offerings).

For those of you who attend really high-tech services with a huge band, lights, praise team and jumbo trons, you might be in for some culture shock. BSF is extremely low-tech. It's church UnPlugged (except for mics and an overhead projector...no, that's not a typo...not powerpoint....overhead projector). You'll sing from the host church's hymnal accompanied by a volunteer pianist. No matter. It's a rewarding experience and I encourage you to check out the website, find a class near you and contact the class administrator. Or you can just show up at the first meeting of the month when they have intro classes for new people.

Anybody else here a BSFer, like me? What other "systems" of Bible study have helped you keep your nose in the Word?

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resources

Church Planting Wives
http://www.churchplantingwives.com/

Deborah Shank Ministries
http://www.deborahshank.com/

Global Pastors' Wives Network
http://www.gpwn.org/

Just Between Us
http://justbetweenus.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=67719

Lois Evans Pastors' Wives Ministry
http://www.loisevans.org/site/c.nkI2KhMWItF/b.2181857/k.BF13/Home.htm

Shepherdess International
http://shepherdess.ministerialassociation.com/index.php

The Preacher's Wife
http://www.apreacherswife.com/

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