hiding in thee

Nearly every time I put my little boy back to bed after nursing him in the night, he lets out a darling little baby fart. One of the things that's so gloriously wonderful about babies is their complete ignorance of themselves. Here in a world where we're always being told we need to know ourselves, stand up for ourselves, and look within ourselves, I'm convinced that true fulfillment comes from being outside of ourselves. No wonder God told us to be like little children.

I was pondering this state of selflessness recently after another look into the life of Christ. This God-man slept, ate, and breathed the will of His Father, which was to bring light and life to suffering humanity. A quote by Hudson Taylor, early missionary to China, has lodged itself forever in my mind, "Measure your life by loss instead of gain. Not by the wine drunk, but by the wine poured forth. For love’s strength standeth in love’s sacrifice. And whosever suffereth most hath most to give."

A recent Bible lesson in our church was on meekness, this unassuming state of being which was once considered to be pathetic and weak. To me, meekness looks like being invisible with the image of Christ shining through. I hunger for that invisibility. I am the kind of person who easily takes personal offenses to heart, and I'm often too quick to withdraw from people. I pray for that "Christ esteem." I long to be so unaware of self and so connected with Christ that when negativity comes my way, I can smile knowing that Christ takes it on my behalf.

The other challenge is letting God take things on my husband's behalf. The lady who calls and chews him out for every little thing doesn't have to ruin my day. Or the lady who needs him to know about every good deed she's doing in the community. Or the man who subtly uses his influence to undermine my husband's leadership. I'm sure you all have these kinds of people God is challenging you to love.

You've heard it said that you can never love another person until you've learned to love yourself. I'm not so sure about that. But I do think I can only learn to love these people as I learn to hide myself and my identity, my feelings, and my rights within the Lover of my soul.

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most embarassing PW moments...

I'll get the ball rolling and you run with it.

Two weekends ago, I was sitting in the children's class in our new church. It's the little kids' class, where babies and toddlers try their best to pay attention, and where there are almost as many parents as there are munchkins.

The lady beside me seemed very quiet. She had a beautiful little girl that kept leaving her little kid seat and coming to the mommy seats along the back for reassurance. Then she'd go back to the front rows for a little while before checking in again with mommy.

Huge round chocolate brown eyes. A little ponytail with kinky dark brown curls around her face. Rosy pink chubby cheeks and perfect rosebud lips. She was the kind of little girl you want to stare at - she was so pretty.

I half-noticed that she was also wearing tan corduroy pants and a little striped button-down sweater. But I didn't think much of it. Not very feminine attire for a little girl at church, when most of the other little girls were wearing fluffy dresses, but I'm not one to judge.

When the class was over, I said hello to the little girl's mom, made small talk, and waxed eloquent about how beautiful her daughter was. "Such a sweet and pretty little girl!"

"Ummm, I do have a daughter," the woman said. "But she's in the older class. This is my son."

Oh.
Right.
Hence the tan corduroy pants and striped button-down sweater instead of a fluffy dress.
Got it.

You go, girl. Way to win friends and influence people on your first weekend as the new pastor's wife!

That's my most recent embarrassing PW moment. You got one?

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silly drama

Sometimes church drama and attacks on your husband take a toll on your spiritual life, marital life and your husband's career, but sometimes, mean and messy people's efforts for disruption and destruction are just plain silly.

Has anyone at church ever tried to ruffle your feathers or create drama out of nothing...and you were able to laugh it off and see the silliness for what it was?

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chime in: questions from you (5)

Two of our reader questions are perfectly suited to this week's PMS topic. Choose one, choose, both but tell us what you think!

"This is a lonely road at times...my question is what to do with all the negative comments that your pastor hubby gets, knowing how hard he works and how faithful he is...really gets me sometimes!"

"I need some ideas on how to continue to show love towards persons that are constantly tearing down my home, and my husband."

Chime in!

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when your church eats you for dinner...

My PH knew his calling to ministry since his childhood in Communist Romania. He experienced religious persecution in grade school, I was raised in a missionary family - and we both grew up fairly aware that there are mean people in church. Fortunately, our parents helped us understand that church doesn't automatically make people perfect - so it never fazed us much.

Until one particular church district. It was a fractured church, with a long history of running off its pastors. A few months after we arrived, the senior pastor and his family became the target of a vicious campaign of gossip. They suffered bravely, and we ached alongside them. It was particularly painful for me, as I'd seen my parents subjected to similar pointless vilification at one point in the mission field. The injustice of it all made me question God for a time.

Finally, the senior pastor's family felt that it would be wise to leave. We supported their decision, but it was hard to be left alone to pick up the pieces. My PH spent hours each day on his knees. We shed many tears together, sought counsel and advice from mentors...

When my PH and the church elders gathered the congregation to carry out a few measures of biblical church discipline, we didn't know what would happen next.

Then the hate blogs began. My PH's name, as well as those of the church elders, were maligned in skewed renditions of the church disciplinary actions. Comments left on blog posts indicated that people around the world were reading the hurtful spew, and some were even taking my husband's name into their seminary classes as a case study of "what not to do."

My husband lost 35 pounds over the next few months (and he didn't have much padding to begin with). He looked emaciated, had no appetite. His hours of prayer were interspersed with our agonized conversations on how to lead this community of people in God's will.

He talked about going back to school, getting a degree in business, going into something - anything - else.

One morning we went jogging together, and passed a dead possum in the middle of the road. It took a moment for us to notice the several live babies scattered in the messy roadkill. A car whizzed past us, and with a sickening THUNK one of the babies was gone. We paused, stunned, as cars kept coming. Finally, unfrozen, we flagged traffic to a halt and wrapped the last living baby possum in a jacket.

We stood by the road together, tears streaming down our faces. It was as though we'd just seen a brutal illustration of what was happening at our church. Innocent bystanders and young children torn apart by the actions of those who didn't care.

Eventually, things settled down. By the time we accepted a call to a new church, God had worked healing in a way we'd never expected. We didn't want to leave. As we said goodbye, we cried with our church family. My PH stuck to his call to ministry. And we now knew first hand that God truly can bring wholeness to shattered places.

(Oh yes, and we took the baby possum to an animal rescue center to be raised and released into the wild.)

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guest blog: the doctrine of hate

by Michelle Wegner
I woke up this morning bleary eyed, stiff, cranky, but trying to put on a smile for my tired and cranky girls before school. While they were munching their cereal I snuck a peak at my email. For the second Tuesday in a row, there was a notice that yet another blogger had ripped my husband apart on his site.

Blogging has unfortunately become the handy “Christian Weapon of Choice.” Never in history has it been easier, faster, or handier to whip up your angry thoughts and make them instantly viral in seconds. Your words are instant, global, and permanent. When I was at Rick Warren’s P.E.A.C.E. briefing last May, he briefly addressed the issue of hate bloggers. He said he used to ignore it…they’d go away. But, they don’t go away. Their hate and anger builds and builds on these sites claiming all sorts of Bible and Doctrine to support their case in dismantling the leadership they literally seek to destroy. Engaging these bloggers may actually be the thing to do. He said that you need to correct their information and move on. Make a stand for yourself, and then don’t continue the conversation.

Our church and its leadership have borne the brunt of many (and I mean many) an angry blogger. There are men and women whose sole mission is to pick apart the words my husband and the other staff at GCC say piece by piece to discredit them and their message. Rob has been compared to Hitler… (Yeah, really), called a heretic, a pagan, one of the leaders of “Granger Community Circus.” Pretty unbelievable stuff.

The guy that compared Rob to Hitler really got to me. Really. I’ve been to Auschwitz and seen the horrific aftermath of one of the cruelest leaders of our century. I don’t think my husband who comes home happy and singing, ready to wrestle the kids, do the dishes, or play Polly Pockets has anything whatsoever to do with that kind of evil. In fact, every fiber of his being is wired to oppose evil and fight for whatever is good, noble, excellent, or praiseworthy.

I engaged that guy in conversation. I needed to. I let it sit in me for way too long, and my own rage just built and built. Engaging this guy was most likely pointless as far as getting him to change his mind goes. That wasn’t my goal. My point was to shed light on what damage his words had on our family. Our girls were at the age where they started to understand Google-ing their mom and dad’s name, and sure enough, guess what article they pulled up? I wanted that man to know that his words harmed my children. He didn’t care. He said “the lies and deceit your children hear at your church every week is a thousand times worse than anything they would ever read on my site.”

Whatever dude.

So, what did I do this morning?

I didn’t click the link. I deleted the email.

What do you do when the hate-talkers start their talking? Here are some things we have done that you might try:

• Ignore them…don’t click the link
• Engage them in a simple conversation
• Defend your position, and then walk away. They don’t want to change, but you do have the right to set the record straight and defend yourself
• Take a deep breath
• Take it to Jesus
• Let it go

Good luck with that last point. The letting it go part is what’s worst for me. Criticism eats at my soul. I wish it wouldn’t. I wish I could let it roll off my back like my husband does. What helps you let it go? Ideas?

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PMS week: mean people

This week on Clutch we're talking about mean people, you know the kind that do everything in their power to thwart your PH's ministry efforts and your church's programs. We'll learn through other PW's experiences about how they've dealt with attacks from mean people, how they shield their children from drama, how they stay committed to ministry and maintain their faith in God when mean people strike, how they support their husband's through it all. At the end of the week, we'll try to end on a lighter note and laugh about those wanna-be-attacks that give you and your PH a good laugh, instead of a headache.

We'll need lots of your feedback this week, so be sure to chime in!

We hope to offer encouragement and perspective that will help you face situations with mean people and come out stronger when the dust settles.

Mean people. Drama. Let's talk about it.

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