Love Series::Treat Him Like A King (pt 2)

In the book Treat Him Like A King, by Pastor Sheila, one of the key scriptures is Ephesians 5:33 amplified version.

Have you ever read that in the Amplified Version? It is amplified alright: However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [^[a]that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and ^[b]that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.

That is twelve ways for us to show our love. Respect, Reverence, Notice, Regard, Honor, Prefer, Venerate, Esteem, Defer, Praise, Love, and Admire. Now girls, I would be lying if I told you I did all twelve all seven days of the week.

Pastor Sheila clearly focuses on this scripture throughout her book. I was convicted on points where I fall short and that’s because I thought I was above average; I adore my man. Not to mention I had to look up the word venerate. (thought I’d make you laugh) Now, I’d like to also point out that this is a command from the Lord. We have twelve days till Valentines, wouldn't it be awesome to focus on one of these each day, building the habit of living Ephesians 5:33 daily. I'd say so. Who doesn't want to build their marriage and what better way to do it then biblically.

I can hear some women saying, you just don't know and understand our marriage, this would be over the top for us. I get that. But it's not about where you are, but where you would like to be. It's about obeying the word in our own respects. It WILL look different for everyone, but it's the glue that God gives us, the insight we ask for on how to strengthen and bind us together with our man. It's the ingredients for a healthy marriage. I invite you to look up the definition of each of the twelve words and make a plan on how you can implement those. When I first read this book, I did. My list looked like this: check, check, work on that, check, check, work on that, work on that, check - you get the picture. I don't know about you but I like keeping our marriage hot and fresh.

So ladies - Ephesians 5:33 amplified version. Let's do it!

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Love Series:: Treat Him Like a King

Treat him like a King. That is a hard pill for some to swallow, for other’s it’s their pleasure. My friend Pastor Sheila who co-labors with her husband Dr. Poole in Vegas at Destiny Christian Center wrote a book entitled Treat him like a King. That is the inspiration for our love series over the next few days. When I received my copy in the mail, I read it in two days cover to cover. What I love most about her book is her candidness and disclosure about her marriage and their perspective on doing life together.

Chapter 7 of her books addresses “Blowing his mind”. When you stop and think about it; really, when was the last time you went out of your way, above and beyond for your husband? We are always looking for our man to go above and beyond for us, but in self evaluation what are we doing?

The first sentence in this chapter says “Don’t put your marriage on auto-pilot.” We hear it, we teach but are we doing it? I know some PW friends that go out on a date night weekly, but even at that, has that become a routine? It makes for a good tweet, a good Facebook post, but does it still have it’s intended impact? I invite you think out of the box, work your creativity, get over our fear of rejection, negative comments and just dive in the deep end of the pool and blow his mind. Even if you haven’t, step out and do it. Only you know how to reach your man and do it well, so Day 1’s assignment; blow his mind!

I've purposed in my heart to do this right along side of you. So let the FUN begin!

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the words of my mouth

Psalms 19:14 "Let the words of my mouth and meditation of my heart be acceptable in thine sight oh Lord, my strength and my redeemer."

As a Pastor's Wife you are in a key leadership role. In that leadership role, comes great responsibility as you embrace your place.

The words you speak can cause directional change in people's walks with the Lord. Many times we don't realize that because we are not the ones behind the pulpit. However, your words matter. The meditation of your heart matters.

I invite you for the month of February to train your heart. Train your heart to respond vs. react. Train your heart that mercy trumps judgement and love never fails. Train your heart to believe over doubt and train your mouth to speak the Word of God over every situation.

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the pastor's children

My two boys LOVE to preach. They follow daddy’s moves, his walk, they wear suits like daddy does, they watch his preaching videos over and over and over, did I say OVER. I think I have some of his sermon’s memorized myself. My boys will put daddy’s cologne on, set out as many stuff animals as they own (as their members) take out a music stand (pulpit) and start preaching away in the game room. This is their fun.

This past weekend, Bishop Holcomb, our Father in the Faith, kicked off our annual Leaders that Lead Conference. Now I must say Bishop & Pastor Val are not only our Pastors/Spiritual Parents but www.chop.org is where we served before we founded Breath of Life. While it’s not the only ministry we’ve served, it IS the only place outside of our own church the boys know. Our extended family there has seen the boys grow over the years. Our boys are very familiar with the place, people and protocol. This particular Sunday, it was Matthew’s first time on the East Wing. You see the West wing has birth to 4yrs old, the “other-side” is for the “big kids”. Well Matthew is now 5 and on the East Wing. So he wasn’t sure what to expect at Heritage Kingdom. Marcus on the other hand, knew the registration drill, order of service, exit/pick up procedures etc. Marcus asked that morning if he could go to “big church” because he missed Papa Bishop and wanted to hear him preach. The mommy side of me wanted to bring him so bad; because there is nothing like hearing Bishop in person. However, my spirit kept saying no.

For two weeks prior to us going, the Holy Spirit would prompt me to send Marcus to Children’s Church at CHOP on that particular Sunday. I’m so glad I followed the prompting of the Spirit, because by divine orchestration INSPIRATION and IMPARTATION occurred. It was priceless!

Imagine a room, more like a large cafeteria size with 300+ kiddos ready for children’s church. They did praise and worship and up next, instead of a Children’s Minister delivering the word that morning, a 9 year old brought the Word forth. Yes, a 9 year old, NINE year old, after 8 before 10. Marcus couldn't quit talking about it ALL day. He said mom, a kid preached. I said a real kid, or a teenager? He said no a kid he was 9 and just a little bit taller than me. Mom that is exactly what I dream of doing. I dream of preaching. I dream of preaching to the world. I want to save lives. (He just turned 7, yes we know Jesus saves – disclaimer) Marcus was INSPIRED! He said I have never met a kid like ME who loves to preach! It couldn't have been better planned, it was divine orchestration from the Holy Spirit. Now I know, not every PK will enter ministry. But I am keen enough to be aware, recognize and identify the call of God on my baby. What blessed me the most was all the idea’s that started spinning out as he told me about his dreams for ministry.

Inspiration: a divine influence or action on a person believe to qualify him or her to receive and communicate sacred revelation. Without going into details of our moment that day, I want to ask what inspires your children? We took pictures behind the children’s church pulpit I wanted to share with you. I don't ever want to be guilty of down playing the work of the ministry because it's become familiar and not cultivate the gifts God has placed in our children. I don't want to be guilty of choking the seed we strive so hard to plant in our children. I found out what 9 year old preached and turns out we know his parents well. So, we will have them over for dinner next month.

Maybe your princess has a gift to sing. Or Johnny boy is creative and mercy motivated. Pastor Val preached about leadership keys during one of our morning sessions. She challenged us as Pastors to be sure to recognize and cultivate the gifts inside our own little ones as well. This weekend turned out rather perfect. To God be the glory!

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2012: don't give up

The beginning of the year holds so many new beginnings and fresh starts for many. And for others, there is a strong hold trying to remind you of the past, attempting to persuade you to forfeit your future. Last years failures may be true, may still hurt and sting, but everyday they are a memory which will soon fade and not an indication of the promises of God for this year.

I want to tell you today that every storm has an end. Don't cast away your confidence. The trials and tragedies you have experienced are trying to push you back and I'm here to declare God is faithful and with your hand in His, you can make it!

If you feel abandoned and betrayed by God, hold on, because God is faithful and His Word is true.

You may be telling God, "What were you thinking when you chose me?" "I can't take this anymore.", "I'd rather die then live like this.", "I can't go on with this situation."

Today TD Jakes tweeted "When you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot, help is on the way."

Sister, Friend.... Don't give up!

God has called you to impact, influence and inspire. You have an assignment from on high to complete and I declare over your life victory in Jesus' name! Victory over every mountain of finances, marital distress, family dysfunction, unclarity. God will restore and what He doesn't restore, He will replace.

So hold your high, keep standing, keep believing, keep praying. I am believing for divine set up on your behalf. I am believing for supernatural breakthrough and miraculous favor. God is able. God is faithful!

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2012:: maximize

When I was dating my husband and for the first few years of our marriage, there was a wonderful couple from a nearby town that served in ministry for most of their married life. They would drive into the city and attend Sunday night service every Sunday with the exception of him going out of town to minister. We were very young, 19 & 20 when we married. They were in their mid 70’s if not older. My husband could listen to this Man of God for hours on end. His wonderful wife was a spunky gal. She was moving and grooving even in her 70’s with quite a bit of whit and style. We were fortunate that they took the time to invest into a young ministry couple and two weekends out of the month, they’d give us their time. We’d usually go out to eat and talk and talk and talk or I should say they’d speak, we’d listen.

She shared many things with me, but I recall one thing in particular I wanted to share with you “Marrying a preacher is like living in Sunday School 24hrs a day.” In the beginning, I was like “okay….” whatever you say; 13 years later I get it.

What she meant and what I want you to understand is that being married to a preacher, weather he’s the Sr. Pastor, Youth Pastor, Associate Pastor, whatever; bible is going to fall out of his mouth like water comes out of a faucet. And if it’s not bible, it’s closely related, can always be tied back to the word, etc. That is a good thing. I personally enjoy having my husband as a human reference for the Word. Who needs google or Biblesearch? I can just text Mark.

Other Pastor’s Wives’ might not feel the same way. I have discovered that some wives get rather frustrated. They respond or I should say react with a deep sigh, and a look in their eyes that speaks “not again.” YES, AGAIN sweet darling. It’s who they are. I have yet to see anything other than water come out of a faucet.

I invite you to see, what are you going to do with it this year? The bible says we are his help mate right? So, instead of absorbing it all, instead of getting frustrated with it. Do something with it. That may mean a blog for some, devotionals for others, a book or possibly helping collect his thoughts, sort and organize them into conference material. There is a million things you can do with the wealth of knowledge one has. Maximize it!

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2012::live on purpose

Since 2008, CLUTCH has been about Living Life ON Purpose. As we welcome in the first month of this new year I want to bring our attention to the call, to Live Life ON purpose.

As many of us have experienced, at one time or another, it's easy to lose focus of our purpose and God ordained identities and unintentionally turn OFF purpose. Meaning, like a light switch. As women it is natural to put others first being we are caretakers; however, that does not mean we are to turn OFF purpose for our own individual lives.

Some of you write.

Some of you sing.

Some of you are amazing organizers.

Some of you are gifted in administration.

Some of you are mercy motivated.

Whatever your gift is, are you operating in it? When you surround yourself with people who let you be yourself, you are in for a win. Here at CLUTCH you can be yourself. He is the potter, we are the clay, together we are a collection of designer pieces.

As Pastors' Wives and Women in Ministry, you were designed to flourish in your position. When little things get out of place, our functionality as a whole can be diminished. I challenge you and invite you simultaneously to Live 2012 ON purpose.

For some, that is easy, because they are already operating in their gifts and need to make a few tweaks here and there, work on connections and keep pressing on full steam ahead. For others, Living Life ON purpose, might be a little more complicated. Where-ever you at at today, do it! Decide you are going to run your race, for your life. You have grace for your race as you embrace your place.

My personal mantra for women in general is for them to impact, influence and inspire the world around them. Purpose that you will do that on a new level this year. YOUR BEST IS YET TO COME!

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mother in law. monster in law. mother in love.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and many of us will be spending time with our Mother in law or Monster in law or to some Mother in love. Thanksgiving is not a time for tension, tantrums and pandemonium. But truth be told, it happens all across the globe. Yes, in ministry families too. (gasp)

What type of mother in law do you have? Okay, just kidding, don't answer that on the internet. (laugh)

I have no idea where the differences start but at some point for the Daughter in law and Mother in law that don't hit it off it's important to remember two things to carry you through the holidays and time spent together; respect and limits.

I fall into the category of not hitting it off with my mother in law. (yes we are both Christians and love God) We have actually grown on each other over the last 15 years (13 years marriage, 2 years dating/engaged to her son) I would have to say we have each learned respect and limits.

Over the years our relationship has gotten much better truth be told. The story between her and I is rather lengthy and I would have to carefully craft my verbiage in my disclosure to prevent anyone from getting hurt, so I will save that for another post. Not to mention, it would probably be one sided. But just know that she's not a monster in law for the record and incase she ends up reading this. As a matter of fact, our relationship has so improved which probably has God factors included; I wish they lived closer so the boys could spend more time with them.

However, for the friends out there that will be under the same roof with a mother in law, sister in law, brother in law, or maybe a blood relative of your own remember these two words: respect and limits.

Examples of respect and limits look different for everyone as each of our family dynamics are different along with our personalities. What may be bold for one person is just regular for another. So with in your own life parameters, set up limits and plan respect so you can have a wonderful, joyous time. And remember the old school song "This joy, that I have the world did give it to me....This joy that I have the world didn't give it to me....This joy that I have the world didn't give it to me, the world didn't give it and the world can't take it away."

Guard your heart. Guard your peace. Plan with purpose.

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the nagging wife

As "life" managers, control is necessary. You have to exercise management over schedules, routines, commitments, boundaries, and so forth. Structure implementation is important.

Our lives can be demanding. It is easy to get caught up and start nagging without consciencely being aware. (of course not you - the other Pastor's Wife) But dare I say it's actually a habit with some. (gasp)

Let me break nagging down for you. Nagging: continual faultfinding, complaining, petulant (moved to or showing impatient irritation, especially over trifling annoyance)

• they called you again
• how many times are they going to text tonight
• why did you say that in your message
• what in the world were you thinking
• sigh or eye rolling coupled with deep exhale
• biting your bottom lip, crossing your arms and raising that eyebrow
• what was that tweet about this morning
• yelling, sarcasm, that grossed out look,

Yuk! It feels ugly just typing all of that. There are always ways to reword things. I am a word freak. I'm not a literary specialist, just understand the power behind words, tone, phraseology, voice inflection, and so on.

Now we all have bad days; sometimes, a rough week. But if you are on week three, a month, a season, a year of....well pure nagging. Friend, we need to talk girl!

Yes, I'm a firm believer in "don't complain about what you tolerate" ~ yes, I believe you must point out certain things that require change.

But it's so important to not be guilty of being the nagging wife. When people nag, they are difficult to be around. You begin to block them out. The value and weight of what they say loses precedence. Your defense mechanisms go up when they enter the room or their name is mentioned. You avoid their phone calls, don't return texts and immediately delete their voicemail.

If you find yourself nagging, pray about it. Really, ask God to touch your heart. Ask God to give you the words to say to express the point you are making without doing it in a nagging manner. Practice "climate control" in your home, your work place, in the car, at church, with the kids out and about, wherever you go. Plan ahead if needed. You know what sets off the nagging triggers so create the atmosphere you want.

God gave us the ability to change the world. Let's start in the worlds we live in, impact and influence. Honey attracts more than vinegar. I believe that God can give us the words to say making us smooth operators and skillful in speech.

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spiritual side to church planting

As a church planter, you are pioneering a new work. You are taking new territory and make no mistake, pulling down strongholds is a requirement in the process! This is one of the hardest seasons you'll encounter. Regardless of the number of years you've been in ministry, how long you've been a Chrisitan; the warfare is intense.

Through all the sacrifices, the labor, the warfare, the exhaustion, know this: Every leader who does something SIGNIFICANT for God experiences a Gethsemane.

Stay steadfast, unmovable, focused and mission oriented. Take some time this week to ENJOY a piece of life! I know the pressure is intense as you consistently labor, drive, raise money and intercede for others. This week, take some time for YOU! Taking a break will not kill you and set you behind. Take a moment to enjoy the SIMPLE things in life and allow the Lord to refresh, renew and rejuvenate.

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sex with the pastor

Men need sex like Women need water. Just kidding, maybe not 8 times a day. (I had to insert a laugh for quite a delicate topic) But it is an essential part of the marital relationship for them. It's essential for both of us.

We don't talk about it because it falls under the "private and personal" category in relation to public/private/personal life separations.

However, I wanted to share with you what a wise Pastor's Wife once shared with a group of us younger wives in ministry.

Of course there are times when medical situations come in to play and I get that.

However, for a good group of ladies, being exhausted, frustrated, hurt, stressed out, too busy, bitter, resentful, angry, who knows what excuse can find it's way, if allowed, - it can creep into the relationship and then it stops occurring. Maybe not immediately, but the frequency stops, decreases or days are skipped.

I was in a small group mentoring type setting for Pastors' Wives and a Pastor's Wife of 38years, yes that's right, THIRTY EIGHT years married and in ministry, brought up the subject of "sex with the pastor"

She said......

"Ladies, let's talk about what is not talked about. Sex."

"I know there a lot of surrounding circumstances, but just hear my heart and apply what you can."

"If your husband signs up, agrees, commits to eat at one restaurant and one restaurant only; for the rest of his life ~ breakfast, lunch, dinner ~ every meal same restaurant, same chef~ the restaurant SHOULD be serving some food."

"If you feed him, he will not be hungry."

Wow. Those are some bold statements I thought, true but bold; because this is my private/personal life you know. But the more I thought about it, it was the BEST illustration I had ever heard on the topic as a newly married wife. There is no shame in have a healthy sex life and being the "pastors" or "in ministry." Newly married couples usually don't have an issue in this area. (smile inserted) However, if you hear it and carry it with you through out your marriage you will not have an issue 13years, 15years, 20 years, down the road either.

Just wanted to share what was shared with me. Now go plan something for this weekend!

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influence

Influence. The capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce efforts on the actions, behaviors, opinions. etc..

Now that Webster has cleared up exactly what influence is, I want to bring it home. As the wife a Pastor your influence is far greater than you think. I'm not talking about you individually, while yes that is a great influence; that is another post in itself. I'm specifically referencing the influence we have with our husbands, their leadership and the future of the church.

I never want it to be said of me that my reply, my response, my expression, my sigh, my deep exhaling breath, my prolonged silence, my lack of enthusiasm, my withdrawal, my....get the picture; impacted a decision in moving the church, our ministry or the body of Christ forward.

I am a firm believer that when our husbands share something with us it can bear witness in our spirits and sometimes there is a huge red flag, that is the prompting of the Spirit. But I am also keenly aware that women across the country are tired, frustrated and worn out. So when Pastor/Hubby starts throwing around the idea of adding another service all you see is increase in volunteer management, what are you going to do with the kids, how are you going to arrange this, that and the other. While he's excited about whatever idea the Lord has laid on his heart and the great impacts it will have on reaching people; your response is your influence.

My prayer is that we guard the words we say. That we are led by the Spirit of God in responding and use our influence how God intended. That doesn't mean our responses are yes, go, green light, run for it. But we sincerely seek God and check our spirits vs. responding out of pure exhaustion, frustration, disappointment, the state of being overwhelmed, whatever the case.

My friend, your BEST days are ahead of you. Your future is bright. There is day on the other side of your night. Breakthrough is on the horizon. God has great plans in store for you, your marriage, your family and for your church!

Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Let's guard our influence.

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building relationships: with other pastors' wives

Two Monday's ago, Pastor Mark and I spent the day with Pastors Joel and Victoria Osteen along with several Champions Network Pastors.

After lunch, Victoria got all the PW's together and her, Marguerite Reeve and Jeannie Munsey poured into us. It was a great few hours of sharing, asking questions, exchanging ideas and developing friendships. The time together was energizing.

We talked about family time, children, being the wife, leading, influence, sex, marriage in the ministry, working on staff, ministering, taking over a church; lots was covered. These seasoned PW's did not hold back.

I think that is what I love best about building relationships; disclosure. It helps me grow.

How do you keep yourself growing? For me, maintaining a posture of learning has been most beneficial. If you belong to a church of 25, 250, 2500 or 25,000 we are all in the same race just running in different lanes.

I hope that you are encouraged to connect here on CLUTCHtalk.org. You have been called to impact, influence and inspire the world around you. We look forward to building a relationship with you!

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and the WINNER is.........

We are excited to announce the winner of the Thomas Nelson Marriage bible.

((drumroll please))

Tanya Fleenor!!!!!! Yay!!!!

Please email me your mailing address at veronica @ CLUTCHtalk(dot)org and I will get it out to you this week!

True Random Number Service

List Randomizer

There were 10 items in your list. Here they are in random order:

1. Tanya Fleenor


2. Amy Brown


3. Melissa Rorabaugh


4. Indy Almeida


5. Dawna Elguera


6. Angela D7Church


7. Becky RedfordMI


8. Kristin Scott


9. Elisa HolyTrinity


10. Mindy Curtis

Timestamp: 2011-10-18 02:30:06 UTC

Thank you to everyone who signed up! We will have more drawings in the future!

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free to be me: just right for him

Being a Pastor's Wife looks different for every woman. Some PW's are stay at home mommy's, some have careers, some work on church staff; some have independent ministries and travel, many endless scenarios.

Genesis 2:18 It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him. (NLT)

Did you know that God made you "Just Right" for your husband?

• If you got married and he was already in ministry, you are just right.
• If you got married when he was in seminary, you are just right.
• If you got married and he went into the ministry after 10 years, you are just right.

It might not feel like it at times, but you are "just right" for him. The unique gifting and call that God has placed on your life is there to compliment your husband as well as fulfill your mandate and assignment from on high. God placed you all together like a perfectly matched puzzle piece that when separate, it can function, but when together it fits just right and is powerfully part of a bigger picture.

Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart. I appointed you....(NIV)

One objective of the enemy is to have you question your self-worth, your impact around you, your place in the ministry and life. If he can keep you guessing instead of walking in confidence he has you where he wants you.

God wants you in a position where you can say "I am Free to be Me"; meaning it and liking who you are. If you don't like who you are, ask the Lord to change you. Seek Him and His ways instead of remaining frustrated. Allow yourself permission to begin to change. Ask the Holy Spirit what is your will for MY life? You created me, show me how to best operate and function. Ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen you so that the resolve he has placed within you is stronger than any excuse you can come up with. The bible says in 2 Corinthians 2:10...when I am weak, then am I strong. We are strong because our strength comes from the Lord.

My prayer for you today is that you can stand tall and say, "I am Free to be Me". Thriving and operating in all God has destined for you.

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GIVE AWAY: marriage bible

I am excited to announce, today we are giving away a Thomas Nelson Marriage Bible. It’s always great to have a new bible in the house to reference from, study with and use.

Remembering to keep our marriages a priority is a must. The effects trickle down to family as well as our church family. The demands of life and life in the ministry keep us busy and can be draining. I encourage you stay in the Word. Cover your husband and children with prayer and the Word of God.

The Family Life Bible has articles and insights by Denis and Barbara Rainey. Inside you will find the following features:

· Devotions for Couples
· Romance tips, quotes and notes
· Parenting Matters – articles on raising children God’s way
· Biblical Insights articles, Topical Index
· Family Manifesto - biblical model of a Godly family
· 8-page Family Tree presentation section

We love you ladies and want you to grow and stay filled up as you reach your full potential in all God has called you to do and be.

Greatness is inside of you! As God’s Leading Ladies you have been placed in a position of influence. I encourage you to embrace it and allow the love of God to permeate through you as you love the people God has called you to in your city.

To register:

Like us on Facebook

Follow us on twitter (if you are on – if you are not no worries)

Leave us your name, church name and city you are from; so we can pray for you.

Winner will be announced on Tuesday, October 18th.

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marriage. betrayal. pain. forgiveness. restoration.

I was so excited to have received a package from my friend Cindy Beall. Inside, was what is pictured to the left. This is not just a book. This is her first book, officially published and I am elated to have a copy. I declare, that it is the next best seller! You need to get your hands on one right away; you will not be able to put the book down. (It’s one of those good one’s)

Cindy Beall has walked a journey no wife dreams of when she is planning her wedding, giving birth, living the married life, much less coupled with being in ministry. The standstill moment of discovering your husband was unfaithful. To complicate the situation, there was more than one woman, one might be pregnant and being he was in ministry their new situation was fixing to go on blast because we all know that ministry equals a public life. Did I mention that they had just moved and taken over a new staff position at one of the most influential churches? Did I mention that they had already been married several years and had a precious child?

In her book “Healing your marriage when trust is broken” Cindy shares her pain, the process, the forgiveness and the restoration her marriage went through. Did you catch my last phrase; the restoration. That’s right; God completely restored and renewed a marriage that had been broken to pieces.

I have personally never experienced the anguish one goes through upon that type of discovery, but every woman can relate on a certain level to shattered dreams, painful words, dreaded experiences and the negative impacts as results of various decisions. If we do not allow God to work through us, enabling us to forgive and ultimately restore you can expect roots of bitterness, rejection, pain leading to anger and the list goes on making us unpleasant people. Or maybe you know someone who has been through this type of situation or possibly you are going through it yourself. I invite you to pick up this book at your nearest retailer. You will never be the same.

In the words of Craig Groeschel her pastor “Her courage will inspire you.” “Her transparency will win you.” “Her story will change you.”

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the family that left

It's happened at every church in America. A once active family leaves. Some leave on good terms, others leave on not so good terms, some disappear, a multitude of reason could fit here; you get the picture. There are so many scenarios surrounding stances on when and why a family leaves.

Last year we had a family leave that was very near and dear to our hearts. The husband came to church but did not serve the Lord. We loved on him, he volunteered here and there, but wasn't ready to commit to Christ. He came to church to appease his wife and it lasted almost two years. The woman had children close in age to my kiddos and they were so precious. As they weaved into the church body we began seeing them at least two to three times a week. Our children played together on a weekly basis, we shopped, laughed, had garage sales, lots of fun times. She served as a lead volunteer for one our ministries and one day she disappeared. She stopped coming suddenly, didn't return phone calls, didn't reply to text messages, stayed facebook friends but quite commenting and interaction. In the beginning, I really made effort because of how close we had gotten to reach out. I knew I couldn't have offended her, surly not we were friends on a certain level, our kids were friends, I was confused. After being ignored so many times, the only thing left to do is pray and move on.

I say all of that to say for the first time in little over a year, I ran into her at the gym. She saw me first and kept walking, avoiding eye contact. But the eye contact had been made, I only had a few seconds to react. Part of me wanted to stay quiet and ignore, but that would only have left me in wonder and possibly an opportunity for a root to set in that wasn't there. The other part of me was so happy to see her face and it appeared she was doing well. Then once again I was quickly taken back as I recalled the rejection when I reached out; after she fell off the planet. Nevertheless, I spoke up and said "Hi Roxanne" (not her real name obviously) she said "Oh hi" in her passing by. I wanted to approach and hug (I'm from the south) and ask how are you doing? What happened to you? Is everything going okay now? How are the kids? How is Aaron? (not husbands real name either) but it was obvious she wasn't open to conversation as she kept walking like I was more of a stranger.

I have lots on my plate, so there isn't much time to dwell on the situation but it did bring me to ask the question "how do you react should you face this situation again?" Even under different circumstances; there are people I have begged God to not let me run into for both their good and my good at the local grocery store, mall or local eateries. (I'm being real ladies) I have purposed in my heart to walk love and release things. Might not be the greatest method, but it's how my heart functions. I believe releasing people, events, emotions, situations into the hands of God really brings freedom, less we harbor hurt, resentment, bitterness and lots of other emotions. I don't want to live a life depressed, in fear or anger. What do you do when you run into a family that left the church?

Ignore them
Walk the opposite directions
Nod and smile
Stop and say hello
Be a jerk, making snark comments

I hope that we can learn to let things go and walk in love. Post your best practices here, I'd love to hear them and believe you me it happens all across America so we could all use cleaver methods on how to handle awkward moments when you run into them.
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stressful days and speaking the word

If I told you the fierceness of my last three to four weeks you wouldn’t believe me. I can hardly believe it myself.

I feel like a boxer that has had their tail whooped. Or maybe like this picture of a cow doing what a dolphin does, completely working out of my element.

This occurred, that occurred, this fell through, that failed to work, XYZ caused major stress and emotional exhaustion. Ladies, my list goes on.

I was literally at the end of my rope, holding on with whatever I had left in me, then the air conditioning at the house went out. My response “Oh my gosh are you serious??!!!??" The compressor was bad so we were living out of a hotel last week until they ordered the part and fixed it.

While staying in a “suite” (which is still small by the way, for kiddos), Matthew accidently spilled daddy’s coffee. The coffee was on the counter, he was reaching for another glass nearby, bumped it and well…..it landed on his head! Yes, that is right, hot burning coffee. Soon after we were at the doctor’s office, and he had 1st degree burns on his scalp.

Upon checkout, he hit his head very hard on the counter, you should have seen the face of the entire front office. Then at home he jumped on a non sturdy surface, fell, and hit his face. Thought I was going to have to go back to the doctors. By the next day, I was on major edge.

I wasn't feeling very pastor's-wifey, super spiritual or even very Christian-y for that matter. Everything piled up over the last several weeks, not to mention I have only three weeks till finals for summer session.

I was on the verge of a panic attack. At least that’s what I think -- I don’t normally have anxiety, but I would get these waves of heat flashes and felt extremely anxious inside for no reason. Well, I guess there was reason, but no existing emergency at those points. I've just been completely and entirely emotionally whooped.

Have you ever had one of those days, weeks, or months like I have? Where it feels like you are operating out of your element, similar to the picture? Some things that happen in life are natural factors, simply cause and effect. But other situations, I believe, are attacks of the enemy. Whichever you are faced with, it puts the squeeze on.

When families leave the church.

When Janie misunderstood you and now Janie and her network look at you funny.

When you have misspoken and stepped on someone's toes.

When you have kept quiet and the internal dialog is driving you nuts.

When you have prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed...

Sometimes, things just aren't going well. If you are having a bad day, a bad week, a bad month or a bad streak, I want to encourage you to speak the word and in midst of the craziness of life don’t walk around morbidly expecting something else to fall apart.

Go about your day expecting God to do a miracle.

Is it hard? Yes. But do not drive yourself into the ground, rather hold your head high and keep walking. You may feel like you have a limp and are barely dragging, but keep going forward. Let his Word be the air you breathe.

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pass the baton

When one runner passes the baton to the other, while it's passing, it is a crucial moment. The seconds lost if the baton is dropped can cause the team to lose the race.

While as pastors' wives we are not really in a race, I do find it beneficial when other pastors' wives share tips and best practices. I like to think of it as a form of passing the baton.

I thought today would be a great day to chat about different tips.

Here are a few of mine; random, in no specific order or topic sequence:

Your Man

• I have a PHD in my husband. Yes, that is right I major in Mark Brown. The world gets the pastor, but I get the man. Truth be told, there are dozens of ladies who would like to "get the man" but he's not available. The anointing is attractive and there are some women who are just contra-culture for the fun of it. I make sure I know what he likes, what his favorites are, what relaxes him, what triggers him, you name it. I make sure that he is taken care of and he is my first ministry. We will be married for 13years this November, and together for 15 years total. Some wives for some strange reason think that majoring in their man is neglecting themselves. I'm not saying be unbalanced, but if you get it right you will still have passion for each other and the things of God 15 years later. It's easy to lose sight of each other, but just as a career oriented individual remains focused, remain focused on your man, your marriage and your ministry to each other.

Your Cooking

• Some ladies are Betty Crocker homemakers. I admire those gals!! Unfortunately, that's not me. Not because I don't want to learn but I'm still learning. I grew up in a single parent home because my father passed away. That meant that mom didn't cook lots and with the time available it wasn't always for cooking lessons. Needless to say, the result is non-Betty Crocker. However, I have found some really great work arounds. There is a brand called Viola in the frozen section that has the best chicken alfredo and shrimp pasta. Have you ever had to whip something up really quick? Well there it is Viola!! It's my secret, just add a little crelo spice to the shrimp pasta and it will be the dish you are known for. For some, I know it's outlandish to serve something frozen, but for me it works and not to mention - hello I did cook it. :)

Children and Discipline

• I have learned that discipline is simply correction driven by love.



• I have learned to set boundaries that produce growth



• I have learned the reason we discipline is to help our children reflect the majesty of their maker.



• I tell them frequently "I love you too much to allow you to behave like that" or "We need to focus on emotional intelligence"

Tell me what you do? I'd love to hear from you!

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© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
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