Today on CLUTCH: Tricia Lovejoy

What I love about the Wholehearted Column here on CLUTCH is I can bring to you women from across the globe that are impacting, influencing and inspiring the world around them. Women in ministry who embrace their leadership mantel and walk in the uniqueness of their call. Today I present to you Tricia Lovejoy, she is amazing. You can connect with her online on Facebook, Twitter or her blog.

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© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced. Use allowed by express written permission only. Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

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guest post:: Brenda Black

We are delighted to present a guest article from Brenda Black, the wife of the United States Senate Chaplain. She wrote this article for CLUTCH with young pastor's wives in mind. 
 ~the CLUTCH chicks

Brenda Black is the wife of Dr. Barry Black, Chaplain of the U. S. Senate.

In addition to supporting her husband, her own ministry projects include volunteering as a mentor and advisor at an urban community center and middle school in Southeast Washington, D.C., and serving as an elder in the Woodbridge Seventh-day Adventist Church, where she coordinates women’s ministries and teaches a study class.

A Navy wife for 27 years, Brenda promoted networks to encourage and mentor Navy wives and families. For 34 years, she taught writing and literature with a specialty in developmental education for under-prepared college students.

She still ministers by hosting “Girls’ Night Out” (sleepovers), “GirlTalk” parties, and other activities  to encourage connection and support among women. She writes and presents seminars at churches, conferences, and retreats. And she loves reading and shopping.

The Blacks have three sons: Barry II, director of marketing for the National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization; Brendan, a fourth-year medical student at the University of Michigan; and Bradford, a senior at the University of Chicago.

It’s an awesome responsibility to attempt to shed some light on the path of those coming behind you.  As an "older" minister’s wife, I’m painfully aware of how quickly the time has passed. I remember when I first started out, asking older wives for advice at a Shepherdess Wives’ meeting. The best advice they could give was always go door to door to solicit the Ingathering offering (a seasonal fundraising tradition that used to be common in our church), and don’t just donate it myself.

Times have really changed. I do hope what I have to say is a bit more useful. Nevertheless, my word of advice to young minister’s wives is to lighten up!

I often look at young women today and compare (I suffer badly from comparisonitis) their lives as wives and mothers to mine at that phase of my life. From a distance they look like they’ve got it all together. Girlfriends are working it. I’m amazed at their ability to balance careers and homelife.

Some are homeschooling, some are pursuing advanced degrees. They are busy with church life, and some are heavily involved in community affairs. And miracle of miracles, some actually get their young husbands to contribute responsibly in the care and upkeep of the family---cleaning up after dinner, getting groceries, preparing meals, doing laundry, and bathing and putting kids to bed.
      
But when we get up close and personal, and I ask them how they do it, they pour out their hearts and bare their souls. The truth is, some things don’t change. I see that young women today aren't that different from where I was as a young wife and mother. They say they are tired—bone tired—of trying to be everything to everybody. This kind of tiredness can bring a barely submerged anger at your husband, your kids, your church—your life.  Like that talking parrot commercial, the consistent repetition is “I shouldn’t have to do everything.”
      
The truth is you shouldn’t have to, and you don’t have to do everything. You don’t have to be in church for every service. You don’t have to teach children’s church. You don’t have to lead women’s ministry. You don’t have to always have the guest minister stay in your home. You don’t have to be Super Minister’s Wife. But you can be an example to the stressed, the weary, and the worn-out.
      
The years are teaching me that so much that I allowed to burden me as a young wife and mother was totally unnecessary. I can now see so many ways I let the devil keep me on his treadmill—whispering his lies and cracking his whip—“You got to  keep up”, “What will people  say?”, or “How is that going to look?”, or” What kind of minister’s wife are you!!”

I was constantly fearing that I wasn’t measuring up—not having people over enough, not being serious enough, not sharing Jesus enough, not having a nice enough house or car to represent the church.
      
There is no such thing as having it all. Life is made of trade-offs. If marriage and parenting is a full-time job, and I think most of us would agree that it is, then you have to decide for yourself what will get traded off. But be honest with yourself — something has to go. Don’t even delude yourself into believing that you can cover all the bases.
      
When we try to do it all, we are trying to accomplish something God never intended. The fact of the matter is something and someone is going to suffer. The guilt you feel is there for a reason. Don’t try to rationalize it away. Ask God to show you His ways and give you wisdom to choose wisely. Jesus says, “Come to me, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke, and learn my ways, and you will find the rest that you so desperately need.”
      
Many people know me only from my husband’s sermons. They know his funny stories, and when they meet me, they tell me of how highly my husband speaks of me. Some have read From the Hood to the Hill, and they know our love story. Naturally, many want to know the story from my perspective.  And I'm ready and willing to give my testimony. “Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.” But I wouldn’t trade anything for what God has taught me about His faithfulness and sufficiency.

When my husband was deployed for six-month periods, being there for our three sons was a challenge for me. I wish I could say I covered all the bases and did it all. But, in so many ways, I often failed miserably—as a wife, as a mother, as a college English teacher, as a woman of God. When people hear me introduced as having 37 years of marriage and three successful sons, they want to know how I did it. My standard answer is “Grace and Mercy!”

Two of my favorite Bible verses promise that God will be a father to the fatherless (Psa. 68:5), and that He will restore the years that the locust has eaten (Joel 2:25). I claim these promises for my marriage, my family, and my career. You see, I never will be able to do everything, be all that I need to be for everybody, or have all that I think life requires of me to earn its label of success.  But God is sufficient. He is my Resource, and He will redeem and restore. And what’s more, there are no time limits with God. He’s in my past, my present, and He’s already in my future.
      
It has taken me a long time to apply this truth to my life in a very practical way. As I have shared my heart with you, I pray that you will consider my advice seriously.

Lighten up.
Lighten your load.

Jesus says the life He plans for you is easy, and with Him in it with you, your burdens are light. Work on seeking only to please Him, and you’ll find that it really simplifies life.

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© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

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the PW behind the sex challenge

Has your church done the 30-day Sex Challenge? This challenge received national media attention when it was launched (and continues to create buzz when churches do it). Meet Susie Wirth, the PW who partnered with her husband, Paul (the lead pastor of Relevant Church in Florida) in this ministry to restore and renew marriage relationships. Their personal story will be a blessing to you and embarking on the Challenge will certainly enrich your marriage. If you've never heard of the Challenge, read on. It's all here.

In a nutshell, what is the 30-day Sex Challenge?

30daysexchallenge was the title of our message series for singles and married couples, it was also the challenge given to our congregants to abstain from sexual immorality for 30 days, if single, and for married couples to be intimate for 30 days. We gave our couples an assessment to complete, along with 30 days of questions that were intended to cultivate their relationship in all areas. The challenge comprised four major areas that the media intentionally left out. They are: spiritual oneness, emotional oneness, sexual oneness, and physical oneness. For anyone who truly listened to the messages and participated in the entire challenge, it was not exclusively about having sex for 30 days. Our motivation was and still is today, to help marriages to grow in all areas. We believe in order for significant growth to happen in relationships, that God must be the center. And each person needs to take on the responsibility to “work” on all areas of the relationship! With this in mind, most women admit that their husbands do not really enjoy “working” on their marital relationship. Therefore, the 30daysexchallenge, admittedly, is partially a bait and hook for our men to engage in the “work.”

How has this challenge spread across the country? In what ways have you seen God move couples to wholeness through the Challenge? What results are couples reporting?

God has used the challenge/our book, most recently in the lives of those who attend a large church in Granger Indiana, Granger Community Church. The church did a similar challenge/ marriage series, and they used our book as an accompanying study for the married couples. Just last Sunday we had a family visit our church from Granger. They traveled over 30 minutes just to come and meet us on Easter Sunday. The spread of our story is something that we have just left up to God. He knows which couples will be helped by reading and doing the work in our book, so as we leave it up to Him, we are confident and at peace.

When did you figure out that marriage ministry was your ministry?

I knew from the beginning of our marital restoration that God was not going to waste our hurts. Since we have experienced so much in our relationship, the good, the bad, and the ugly, God has used our lives to help couples around us for years. It is only now, that He has used our story, in book form to reach more couples than we could have ever imagined. I may not have two hours to sit across the table from a couple and counsel, yet with our story, I can simply hand them a copy and know that God will use it more effectively than I could communicate in a counseling session.

Were you nervous about sharing your private marriage struggle with friends, family, parishioners and the world?

I struggled significantly with sharing our story. At the time, our son did not know our past. He was nine last Summer. Although we never hid our story, we didn’t verbally share it all of the time. Dr Clarke, who read our book and endorsed it, recommended that we tell our son so that he would not be blind-sided in the future. After Paul spoke to him one afternoon while swimming in our pool, he simply looked at his daddy and asked two questions, “ Dad, why did you do that?” And “Are you going to do it again?” After I had the reassurance that our son understood what and why we were writing a book about our lives, I had little anxiety over the revelation. If we live in isolation or attempt to keep our lives hidden in some way or fashion, then I believe the enemy can cause fear or insecurity in us. I sometimes would wonder what “new” members of our church would think if they found out that Paul was unfaithful to me, even if it were over 11 years ago. The book has demolished all fears. I encourage new people to get our book. We have no fear that someone would try to accuse us of keeping our story hidden from our church body. It is out there, and God can fully use it to His glory.

What advice would you give pastoral couples who are struggling to stay connected and build strong marriages (life in the fishbowl…outsiders think you’re the perfect little family)?

I would tell other pastor’s wives that the “life in a fishbowl” thing is a plan from the enemy to keep us from sharing our inner most struggles with our church family. Since we have a special needs child, we truly could not live a “secret” life if we tried. She is so unpredictable and just livin' life with no regard to what other people think of her. She embarrasses us sometimes, but our church people either accept us for who we are, flaws and all, or they leave. I have never had anyone leave because we are transparent. I think being authentic is one of the greatest methods to reach this generation, yet we are too scared to share the Truth about ourselves that we miss it. People want genuineness in their leaders, not fakes.

Ladies, tomorrow we'll be giving away a copy of their book, 30daysexchallenge-A Journey To Intimacy. Stay tuned.

Do you have any questions for Susie about the 30-day Sex Challenge?

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life on the other side - part 2

Here is the conclusion of our interview with Amy Andrews, a former PW.
Check out Part 1 if you missed it.

Is there anything you miss about being a PW?

At this point I am truly relishing this season of reprieve. However, despite its challenges, being a PW can be a wonderfully fulfilling, rewarding, exciting, satisfying and fun place to be.

The relationships we have built over the years and the people we have been blessed to know abound! We've shared many, many wonderful times with friends, have delighted in being a part of their lives, enjoyed watching their children grow and have been the recipients of amazing love, hospitality, wisdom, support, comfort & generosity ourselves.

I have great memories of sharing life with like-minded individuals, watching people discover and grow in areas of strength and bounce back after devastating setbacks. I remember good times of laughing heartily, crying deeply and praying fervently. It's awesome to see God do something great that can only be blamed on Him. There is great joy in seeing people come to know Christ or return to Him after years away. It's indescribable to see God touch someone through this cracked pot! What fun to watch a spiritual lightbulb go on in the heart of someone I care about or in my own. It really is great to get paid to do stuff for God!


What advice would you give a PW who is struggling to embrace her role as PW?

1. God is trustworthy no. matter. what.
2. He wastes nothing. The good, the bad, the ugly -- He uses all of it for His glory and our good.
3. Know that you are not alone. I have heard from many, many PWs who struggle with their role and many who long to be out.
4. Build relationships with other PWs in your area or other people outside your church. It never hurts to have external perspective and support. Additionally, find other PWs online with whom to connect. The Pastors' Wives Forum is a good place to start. (I also keep a list of pastors' wives blogs here.)
5. Don't get caught up in the mindset of "If it's ministry, it must be God." It just simply isn't so.
6. Likewise, be open to the unique ways God works. His ways are absolutely not always our ways. Sometimes we are presumptuous in our beliefs about what God wills. (As more time passes, I become more fully convinced that God brought us to that church on purpose, but His purpose was not to watch it grow into 500-3000 strong as we simply assumed.)
7. Be yourself. Rabbi Zusya says, "In the world to come, I shall not be asked, 'Why were you not Moses?' I shall be asked, 'Why were you not Zusya?'" Fill in "Moses" with the name of the person(s) to whom you compare yourself.
8. Guard your marriage as though your life depends on it. Fiercely protect your children as well. It requires balance, of course, and there will be times when you experience relational strains, but in the end, who cares if your church is bursting at the seams if your love for your spouse and the well-being of your children has all but disappeared?
9. Don't bail. There's a difference between throwing in the towel because you're fed up, ticked off & want to get away from the pain and laying down the towel because you are too broken to continue or have done all you can do despite the pain.
10. Love God wholly.

How is your family life better because of this transition?

I distinctly remember sitting at the dinner table one evening shortly after we arrived in Texas and we were all laughing. In that moment, I was amazed to realize it was a totally foreign feeling. Our lives had become so ministry-focused in NY that, especially towards the end, any time Brian and I were home at the same time, we were discussing what was happening at church. Meal times consisted of us talking/arguing, all the while shushing the kids because "Mommy & daddy are talking." And if we weren't discussing church, we were both so completely drained that all we wanted to do was withdraw into our own worlds and not be bothered. I still almost cry when I think about how little attention we paid to our children during those years outside of the basics of feeding, bathing and clothing them.

Our family life is vastly different now. Brian's work (mostly) stays at work, leaving plenty of time at home to play "chase," read aloud, watch movies and answer the question "What was the best and worst parts of your day?" around the dinner table. We splurged this last summer and got season passes to Six Flags. We hang out with grandma and grandpa regularly, making up for 5 long years of being nowhere near family. There is noticeably less stress and absolutely more joy.

My parents have noted repeatedly how much of a positive change they see in our kids since we first pulled up in their driveway 16 months ago (after leaving NY). This fact alone makes me want to fall to my knees in gratitude for God's grace.

Do you expect your husband will be a pastor again?

We would absolutely be open to it, however, I don't foresee that occurring. The reason for this is not as much a result of our difficult journey as much as it is a draw we feel towards overseas missions.

Still, our experiences have undoubtedly influenced our current thinking. For me personally, what I've learned from our time in NY, what I've heard from other PWs I know & communicate with and what I've seen as we've served in various churches in various capacities in various states, I cannot help but question the way we "do ministry" here in America. I'm inclined to think there is something fundamentally wrong with the way we have set things up and sadly, I think the number of ministry casualties is bound to increase as a result.

Even so, God remains steadfast, loving, kind, gracious, powerful, sovereign and in control. Praise Him.

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life on the other side - part 1

Ever wonder what life would be like if you weren't a PW? We know there are some Clutch readers among us who are reluctant PWs. If we're honest, we've probably all, sometime or another, been resentful of our roles and wondered what life would be like if our husbands had a "normal" job. We invite you to read one woman's story. She's been on both sides of the pulpit, so to speak, and in this interview she generously opens up about the challenges that led her husband to leave the pastorate, what the transition was like and what their lives are like today.

*****

Meet Amy, who blogs at withpurpose.com, formerly (and sometimes still) known as Not Your Typical Pastor's Wife.

First, some background. Amy's husband has pastored in Chicago, San Diego and Upstate, NY. They've been married almost 12 years and, with the exception of a few non-ministry jobs to bridge the gaps between pastoring, she's been a PW all of her married life.

What were your initial feelings about being a PW? What did you think it would be like?

I loved the idea of being a PW. What could be better than getting paid to do stuff for God? :) As a missionary kid I was accustomed to ministry life so it was difficult to imagine life any other way. I had lovely notions about "partnering together in ministry" and "making a difference in the Kingdom" alongside my husband. I thought we made a great team and pridefully, I believed any church would be fortunate to have us. I hate to admit it now, but I especially looked forward to the attention and the automatic respect I thought being a PW would garner.

In general terms, how was it at first and how did your role (and feelings about that role) evolve through the years?

Brian and I struggled profoundly our first few years in marriage so it's difficult to extricate those painful memories with my feelings as a new PW. But speaking solely about the role itself, I thought it was great! Brian was serving as an intern pastor at a church where he was very well-loved...and therefore I guess they were sort of obligated to love me well too! ;) As an intern, he had many of the benefits of being a pastor without a lot of the headaches of being ultimately responsible (as a senior pastor would). It was a very positive experience, which later proved to be both good and bad. It was good because it showed us that it is possible to enjoy & thrive in ministry; it was bad because it was difficult not to compare every other experience to that one and think we were failing miserably.

Things got more challenging when he became an associate pastor, but when he became a senior pastor, I often thought, "Wow! It's great to see good stuff happen, but this is HARD -- harder than I ever imagined!!"

In the beginning, and sadly, most of our nearly 12 years, I've had a "get right there in it with my husband and do ministry together" attitude which bordered on (and too often downright became) meddling in and monitoring his "performance" as a pastor. I see now that this largely comes from my (unfortunate and unwanted) tendencies to worry excessively about what other people think, to avoid upsetting or angering anyone and the desire for others to like me (because if they like him, it's a positive reflection on me, right?). I was not good at stepping back and giving Brian the space and support he needed to do his job well. Instead, I felt compelled to jump in and fix or "help" him do better. Whenever I felt angst in my role as PW over the years, I think this was often the root of my struggle.

My deepest desire now is to recognize and respect that while God intends for Brian and I to walk together down this road, our perspectives are not always the same, our gifts certainly aren't and Christ will be most glorified when we appreciate and make the most of those differences and seek to glorify Him only.

Tell us about the "straw that broke the camel’s back" and led your husband to resign his position as pastor?

I have a bit of a melancholy personality and have always struggled with anxiety, but I had never experienced depression so it took me quite some time before I realized what was happening (I was also newly pregnant at the time and attributed much of many of my bad feelings to that). But after two years of questions and doubts about how the church was functioning (my husband was solo pastor of a struggling church and was spread very thin) and whether or not we were well-suited for the positions of pastor and pastor's wife, I felt myself spiraling downwards in my soul (not sure how else to describe it). By June of 2007 I was having suicidal thoughts (totally new to me) not because I wanted to die but because I longed for relief. I just saw no way out. When my dad (a seasoned counselor) asked me point blank if I was suicidal, I knew something was desperately wrong and that I most likely wasn't going to will myself out of it, repent myself out of it or simply change my attitude and turn around. I knew I needed help -- although I wasn't sure what kind.

Concurrently, the church had been struggling for quite some time. We were losing members by the handfuls, those who stayed seemed largely discouraged and it became apparent that something drastic needed to be done if the church was going to survive. Brian decided to relaunch the church in the hopes of reviving it. We had been part of a church plant before and I was fully aware of the HUGE undertaking a relaunch would be. He had few strong leaders to help (and many of them were tired and weary themselves) and he certainly couldn't do it on his own, so I knew much of the responsibility would be shared by me. The thought of bearing the burden of such an undertaking was completely overwhelming.

Incidentally, relaunching the church was actually my idea and I had spent a lot of time championing the cause before my depression set in. So on one hand, I felt obligated to follow through. On the other hand, I could hardly bear the thought of making it through a single day, let alone the year(s) it would take to establish a new church. This dilemma caused me to flip flop between "OK, let's relaunch!" (on my good days) and "I just can't go on." (on my bad days). Consequently, Brian did not know what to make of it so he just did his best to carry on with what seemed to be God's go ahead for relaunching.

By early fall 2007, I was finally able to admit that I was in a bad situation and I was finally willing to accept that I would be the cause of us leaving (and therefore quite possibly the dissolution of the church itself). Once I reached that point, I could successfully communicate to Brian what was wrong and that I desperately needed help. He resigned a few days later.

(Sidenote: The church did not dissolve, but the founding pastor who served there 40 years until his retirement -- when Brian took over -- was asked to come out of retirement to serve as interim pastor. As far as we know, he is still there and the church is still functioning.)

How was that transition for him? What job did he get instead?

The transition was particularly difficult in the beginning for Brian as he felt like he was giving up his vision and dream. However, a month or so after he resigned, I asked him how he was doing and he said, "I didn't want to leave, but I see now that it was the right thing to do."

We've been amazed at how God smoothed the way for us to leave NY and get reestablished here in Texas; Brian's new job is no exception. He now teaches math at a high school nearby. (Before he became a pastor, he was an aerospace engineer and therefore has sufficient coursework to teach high school. He has since gotten a teaching credential as well.) It's not his dream job and it hasn't been all roses but it has been an indescribable blessing to our family.

How was that transition for you? Did you have feelings of guilt? Did you second-guess, or have regrets?

Throughout the transition my overwhelming feeling was a strange mixture of crushing guilt and euphoric relief. I hated that I was the reason we had to leave (again, "What are people going to think of me, that I couldn't hack it?" and more weighty, "Did I kill the church?") and I felt so sad and sorry that Brian had to get out of ministry and take a teaching job that (at the beginning) he did not enjoy. I had (and still have) many, many regrets about countless things I did, not just in the last few months we were in NY but the entire 5 years we were there.

Even still, I have never second-guessed myself. I have enough background in Marriage & Family Therapy (half of a Master's degree) to know that getting out when we did was essential. I felt like I was slowly losing grip on my ability to cope with everyday life and quite frankly, I feared for my safety. I now know firsthand how one goes from being absolutely unable to fathom suicide to staring at it in the face.

I must say that I am so profoundly grateful to my parents who took us in (we lived with them for the first 6 months) and offered copious amounts of support and encouragement. I am also very grateful to my husband who was willing to let go of so much to take care of me. And above all, I could never adequately express my gratitude to our Savior into whose safe and strong yet pillowy hands I've fallen again and again.

In what ways has your life changed?

Oh my. Well, I'm so pleased with changes in our family life and in the lives of each of our children. I'm also really enjoying this new season in my relationship with God. I feel like I just came out of a hard winter. Winter is important and indispensable in the cycle of life and my winter was important and indispensable in the cycle of my spiritual life, but who doesn't love the coming of spring! I feel like I'm seeing life anew.

Other than that, I often marvel at how "typical" we are these days. Brian goes to work Monday through Friday and is home Saturday and Sunday instead of working 6 days a week with a few nighttime meetings thrown in. It's nice not to be weighted down with the responsibilities of the church and the tough issues that come along with it. I also appreciate the little bit of cushion we have in our budget (and that taxes are a whole lot easier without clergy income to deal with)!

One of the most surprising joys of this season is that Sundays have gone from the worst day of the week for me to the one I most enjoy. I love being able to go to church as a family and leave as a family on Sunday mornings. I really like being able to put our children in an outstanding children's program without having to stay there myself each week! (I love kids, but I so rarely made it into the church service the last few years in NY as I was caring for the kids in the nursery.) It's been wonderful to be given plenty of space and encouragement from our current pastor(s) to keep a low profile and take time to rest, receive & heal.

Don't miss Part 2 of our interview on Tuesday.

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the interview: andrea

THE BASICS

Husband: Travis
Family: Caleb (4 1/2), Taite (2)
Occupation: WAHM (I am a full time mother but also run my own photography/graphic business from home. It works well because I can do my job during the boys naps or at night.. as well as schedule shoots around my husbands clock.)
Church: West End Baptist Church in Williamston NC - (site under construction)

THE INTERVIEW

How long have you been married? 6 years

How did you meet? We met at my church in Matthews, NC. I was 16, he was 23. He was the interim youth/children's pastor for that summer. The moment I saw him I thought "Wow... it be nice to have a man like him..." Not just regarding looks... but his maturity and love for the Lord..

Don't jump to conclusions though. No dating went on until years later. After he moved back to Wake Forest, NC to finish his Master's at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary... we kept in touch... long story short.. when I turned 18 we started to date (that was in Aug 2001). June 2002 we were engaged... and Jan 2003 we were married. I was 19, he was 25.

How long have you been a PW? Since we were married. So 6 years.

What is something you wish church members knew or understood about you (or your family)? That I am still young... and at times feel very intimidated to be a pastors wife. I feel like people think I should have it all together all the time because I am a pastors wife... I can't even begin to name all the looks and rolled eyes I've gotten from previous church members... regarding my children... regarding my looks... my actions, etc.

I want our church to understand the pressures a pastors wife feels some days... and to just love and respect us despite a moved chair in the nursery or child's tantrum.

What is your favorite way to partner with your husband in ministry? I love it when we can take the kids and go visit shut-ins... there are so many members of our church who would LOVE to be there for worship... but can't. They are trapped in nursing homes, alone.. and I just think it brings them such joy when we come to visit. Even if our kids touch every single thing in their room, it's still a great time... and an awesome opportunity to teach our children to serve as well.

What's the hardest thing about being a PW? Trying not to worry so much what others think or say about you and your family. Also being extra careful to remain blameless and not offend.

What are some of the perks of being married to a pastor? He can make his own schedule to a degree. :) With his office being within walking distance... if I have an emergency I can almost always find him. Plus, it's kind of fun being able to look on that pulpit every Sunday and think, "he's mine" hehehe.

In what ways would you still like to grow in your role as a PW? I'd love to become more confident in the area of teaching. I really struggle in that area. I find I can serve in ways ... such as remodel a nursery by painting a mural and organizing it... Or I can put together a great website for our church or help with the photography in the church directory... But when it comes to teaching I really struggle.

I hope that maybe once my kids are older and I have more freedom that I can do this more.

What are some techniques or resources you've found that have enriched your quiet time with God? Right now I am reading a book called While They Were Sleeping: 12 Character Traits for Moms to Pray by Anne Arkins. I LOVE THIS BOOK! It has been my devotional tool for months now. You could read it over and over again and still get amazing truth out of it. It's simply written, yet so applicable. It has really given me that desire to pray more for my children.

Do you network with other pastor's wives? How? Before moving to Williamston we moved from Northern Ohio. While living in Ohio I really struggled to find someone I really connected with. I, at the time, was really young (21), and felt I didn't have much in common with those around me. I felt very secluded at times and many days, very lonely.

When we moved from Ohio, though, I began to really pray about this... and prayed that the Lord would bring at least one friend in my life that I could connect with.

Before we even moved to Williamston we found out an old roommate of my husbands was living 12 miles from the church. He was a pastor in the town over. Within a month of living in Williamston we connected with this family, and now almost a year and a half later we see them weekly. Kelly and I have become great friends, our children are the same ages, we understand each other a lot because we are both young pastors wives in southern churches. It has been just a true answer to prayer and I am so thankful for it.

Kelly and I have since connected with many other pastors wives in our area. All of which we are so very thankful for.

We get to enjoy chatting on the phone, exchanging emails, meeting up for story time at the local library, lunch at Wendy's, park play dates and even ladies night out! :) The Lord knew just what I needed.

How do you help your kids deal with the pressures of being pastor's kids? Well, my kids are still kind of young. Caleb isn't yet 5 and Taite is 2. So I haven't really had to help them deal with too much. The one thing, though, that I find does help my children is to be involved. Caleb who isn't even 5 has sat with me in worship since he was 2. I really felt that keeping him in worship would be a great benefit. It would not only teach him to SIT, it would also teach him about worship. He has already started asking questions about the offering plate... why people go up to pray... why we pass around a plate full of grape juice and crackers... haha... He is going to learn and benefit SOOO MUCH from this..

I do pray our children learn to be respectful and kind... and that when others judge them more than others in the church, that they'd know the Word and how we are supposed to respond.

What are some ways that you manage alone with your kids during church services or other functions when your husband is "on"? I have backpacks for my boys. Inside those I try to pack quiet things for them to do while in worship. Books are great... a toy car (as long as they don't bang it on the pew or hymnal) ... Also encouraging them to do well for a piece of gum works sometimes. :)

Currently, though, if I have to keep BOTH with me in a worship service... I often have to leave. As much as I don't want to leave, I would rather leave than take away from someone's time in worship. I don't mind sitting in the nursery occasionally.

In what ways do you think things are different for our generation of pastor's wives? I think this generation is a lot more relaxed. Had I lived 25 years ago and walked into a church with flipflops on and jeans... I may of been in a bit of trouble. :)

Now, though, I am able to roam the town with my boys in "very casual" clothing... without the worries of what others may think, to a degree. I am very casual and I believe in being totally real and transparent. I want to be myself... and I think for me to not dress casual would be fake.

I remember as a young girl going to church Sunday morning.... seeing all these women in proper dress... fancy clothes... and often times feeling left out and cheap. My family wasn't RICH by any means and therefore I didn't have all the fancy clothing. When I'd go to worship dressed LESS than worthy (in their eyes), I felt less of a person... and hated going.

I stopped going to church when I was around 13 because of this... and lived 2 years without church. I, of course, wasn't saved at the time. Now as an adult I really want to make those around me comfortable...

In what areas of ministry do you feel passionate about? I feel very passionate in reaching out to the lost families in our church... not so much the YOUNG families.. but any family that is unchurched... I do photography around our town. Many of the families I photograph are unchurched... Some of the sweetest couples I meet don't even step foot into church, are completely and totally lost. My prayer is that we can reach them... I pray the Lord uses my business as a window to those families.

I am also passionate about those teens who have lost parents, yet still come to church alone... or moms who have lost husbands...

What is the most meaningful thing you do to support your husband? Pray for him, encourage him... support him.

Do you have any PW mentors? A few. My Pastors wife back in Charlotte, NC., Debbie Whitener, also my friend Kelly, Casey Cooper (the pastors wife I served with in Ohio), Sherre Ungar (My friends pastors wife in FL), and Tara Dew (Wake Forest pastors Wife).

What valuable lessons have you learned as a PW? To not judge :) and to not worry what others think...especially when it is in regards to something silly.

How do you fit the traditional/stereotypical role of a PW? In what ways do you break the mold? I am far from traditional...I think I'm a good mix. :) I knew I didn't fit the mold when almost everyone I told I was a Pastors wife was surprised :) Not because of how I acted (I wasnt acting wrongly)... but because of my age (Im 25 but I look 19), and also my personality. I also have a tattoo! :-\ eek!

What are you reading? Besides the Word and the book mentioned above... thats about it! I am so busy right now with being a mom, keeping up a house, and running my business... that there isnt much time to read. I do read a lot of children's books to my kids though! One of their favorites right now is called Babar and the Succotash Bird.

What's playing on your ipod?

JJ Heller - Painted Red
Jaime Soles - for the kids :) - great artist, we own almost all his cds, the kids LOVE THEM!

How do you like to spend your husband's day off? I try to always sleep in :) We like to go to the park with the kids and picnic...Maybe take a trip to the big city (aka Greenville)... go to TARGET (I love me some Target), and then maybe Chick-fil-A so the kids can enjoy an indoor play area for once (our town has none).

My best advice...
Bring everything before the Cross.
Don't try and be someone you're not.
Remember who you answer to... not what everyone else says.
Support and love your husband.
Cherish your kids...
And never cease sharing the good news of Christ!

Check out Andrea's blog, Uniquely Placed where you can also get a glimpse of her fabulous photography. Have questions for Andrea? Ask away...

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lisa chan on hospitality

More than weekend dinners and hosting social events, the epitome of hospitality would probably be inviting someone (or several someones) to stay in your home for months. Is your open house wide open?

We recently interviewed Lisa Chan whose husband, Francis, is the pastor of Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, California. Friends, Lisa is the real deal, as you'll hear in our interview. I learned a lot from her, about hospitality and giving. I hope you will too. Listen in.




Stay tuned for an upcoming interview with Lisa on her role as a pastor's wife.

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the interview: cindy beall

THE BASICS
Husband: Chris
Children: Noah (9), Jack (6) and Seth (4)
Occupation: Administrative assistant/bookkeeper; I work remotely for a company out of Ft. Worth, Texas. This allows me to focus most of my time and energy on my family.
Church: LifeChurch.tv, Edmond, Oklahoma
My husband and I have been married for 16 years. We met in college at Texas State University in San Marcos, Texas, in 1992. I’ve been a pastor’s wife since 1996.

THE INTERVIEW

What is something you wish church members knew or understood about you (or your family)? Those who know us know that we are just normal people. We do things just like a lot of other Christ followers. We just happen to be in front of people more.

What is your favorite way to partner with your husband in ministry? Chris and I enjoy ministering to couples by inviting them to come to our home. For some reason, people just seem to feel at ease and comfortable in our presence. Inviting them to our home seems to work well and foster growth.

What’s the hardest thing about being a PW? That has changed over the years. Early on, it was battling the ideals that people thought about me and things they thought I should do as a PW. Now, it’s sharing my husband’s emotional energy with others.

What are some of the perks of being married to a pastor? People enjoy blessing you with affirmation and even material things, which came in very handy when our finances were very low. We even got a vacation to Cancun paid for one year!

In what ways would you still like to grow in your role as a PW? I’m a part of a big church. So, I am trying to find ways to reach out to women more. I lead a ladies Bible study each week and that seems to help bridge the gap some. But I know there are more out there.

What are some techniques or resources you’ve found that have enriched your quiet time with God? One of the things I do is write my prayers out on my computer. Since I love to write, I often get more out on paper than I would just speaking my prayers. I also try to find different books that I can read alongside the Bible. I gain a lot of insight by reading books by respected authors.

Do you network with other pastor’s wives? Not much. Most of the other pastor’s wives in our church are busy working or raising children. How? I do try to minister to some of the younger pastor’s wives.

How do you help your kids deal with the pressures of being pastor’s kids? My husband and I decided early on that we were not going to force our children into any image or into any activities just to make sure we looked good. So, if one of our sons does not want to go to a particular class, we don’t force him to. We encourage him to go and learn, but we are not going to do it just to make sure that others think our family has it together.

What are some ways that you manage alone with your kids during church services or other functions when your husband is “on”? One of the ways I do it is by treating our work week as Sunday-Thursday. Since my husband only has one full day off, Friday, we consider our weekend to be Thursday evening through Saturday afternoon. It works for us.

In what ways do you think things are different for our generation of pastor’s wives? I think it’s wonderful that a lot of churches are not putting expectations on pastor’s wives. Not every pastor’s wife can sing or has a passion to work in the nursery. Some work outside the home, some work in the home, some home-school their children, some do not. Pastor’s wives are as diverse a group as any. Let them walk in their gifting and talent. The most important thing that a pastor’s wife needs to make sure she does is support and honor her husband and he should do the same for her.

What areas of ministry are you passionate about? I am passionate about mentoring women. I absolutely love helping women by sharing God’s word and promises as well as sharing my experiences in life. My husband and I together are passionate about helping couples work through difficulties in their marriage.

What is the most meaningful thing you do to support your husband? I try to do more than one thing, but the thing that makes the biggest impact on him is how I keep our home. Not necessarily that it’s clean or perfectly picked up, but that it’s a haven for him. I want him to have a sanctuary to come home to and one that he looks forward to. I usually have a good-smelling candle lit when he gets home. That awakens his senses when he walks through the door and I usually get a huge smile!

Do you have any PW mentors? One of my mentors is a pastor’s wife but she lives in another state. We keep up with each other through emails, text messages, phone calls and the occasional visit. I absolutely trust my whole heart with her and have learned so much just by listening to and watching her.

What valuable lessons have you learned as a PW? I’ve learned that there are some people who want to befriend you because of your role as the pastor’s wife. I’ve learned that I don’t have to be perfect, just authentic. I’ve learned that as long as my husband supports me and I support him, I don’t need to worry about making everyone else happy. Because that just won’t happen.

How do you fit the traditional/stereotypical role of a PW? In what ways do you break the mold? Traditional role – Well, I sing and have worked in the nursery, lol. Even though I work part-time from home, I am home with my kids. I run the household and manage everything. Break the mold – While being a mom and a wife are my highest callings, I am very involved in ministry and spend some of my time in ministry appointments and writing on my blog to bless the entire body of Christ, not just those at my church. Oh, and I watch the UFC. I’m sure that HAS to break the mold, lol.

What are you reading? For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Menby Shaunti Feldhahn

What’s playing in your iPod? Carrie Underwood, Hillsong, John Mayer

How do you like to spend your husband’s day off? Well, first thing is that we have 2 ½ hours together each Friday morning while our sons are in school. We just enjoy the quiet J and have an extra cup or fifteen of coffee with each other. When the boys get home from school, we do family stuff. Fridays are rarely shared with anyone…just us!

What was the reaction of your church members and your church-member friends (did you lose friends, etc.)? The church was amazing. They rallied around us because our pastor told the truth about our situation. He led the way in our restoration. There were some friends of ours that we’d known a long time who struggled with all of it, but eventually got through it.

How did this experience enhance your dependence on God? In every way. Not only did we lose our ministry and our livelihood, we lost trust, joy, peace and so much more. When trust is broken, as it was in our case, you realize that there is only One who is truly dependable and trustworthy. So, we both leaned on Christ. I did because I did not trust my husband and my husband did because he did not trust himself. We were under earning, to say the least. Our finances were so tight, but we were faithful to tithe and God always came through. It was an amazing opportunity to learn that God is who is says He is.

In what ways did you see God’s hand guiding you through this? God’s hand was everywhere. It was in the new friends we made, it was in the mysterious money showing up from out of nowhere, it was in the way our family rallied around us, and it was in the way our marriage became better than new. It was clear that God was carrying us through this.

How do you keep your ministry from being defined by this chapter in your life? We don’t. This is our ministry. We help couples who have walked or are currently walking the same road. It’s what we do. And we do it willingly because God brought us through such a tumultuous, life-threatening circumstance. How can we not?

With whom did you feel safe to talk to? We trusted our mentors, Jim & Beth Kuykendall. We trusted our pastor and the leadership team at our church, but our mentors were with us through it all. They spent many an evening sitting on our living room floor as we wondered how we’d ever get through our circumstance.

What were some milestone steps in your healing process? A couple of huge things were during a short trip to my hometown. I met with my mom’s pastor who spoke amazing truth to me. He told me that I was not a fool to stay and be a part of the redemptive work in a man’s life. I then, after begging God for a Word to stand on and believe in, heard Him speak to me through a young teenage girl as she shared Habakkuk 2:3 with a group of us. Those two milestones were huge and absolutely necessary for my desperate heart. I knew I was on my way to healing after hearing them both.

What steps did you (and your husband) have to take in order to forgive and trust again? I can’t really speak for my husband, but can say that I learned a lot about the forgiveness of God. I learned that retaliatory sin doesn’t make things better and hurts the heart of God. I came to a conclusion that I had to forgive for two reasons: God had forgiven me and I didn’t want to be in a prison where I was the key holder. The trust issue is another story. That is still a work in process. I trust my husband when he is walking in the Spirit and not submitting to the flesh. But, most importantly, I trust my God. And when I was making the decision as to whether I would stay or go, He asked if I trusted Him. I knew I did. I always had. So, I said yes and have never regretted remaining in my marriage.

What are some important things men struggling with sexual addiction need to do to “stay out of trouble” (accountability, etc.)? Protect your computers. That is probably the biggest thing you can do because most men (& women) look at pornography on the internet. Accountability is always important, but my husband lied to his accountability partners so that may just be a smokescreen for some. My husband would say now that he found a guy in his life for whom he really cares and then asked him to hold him accountable. They work very closely together and are with each other daily. He cherishes the friendship and would never want to let him down. That helps him, he says. But most importantly, you must feed your spirit so that the flesh will starve. It’s not enough to just say “no” to things of this nature…one must, must, must bombard his/her mind with things that honor God and keep your focus on Him and no one else.

In your opinion, what role should the wife play in this process? I think the wife should know everything from day one. Because the reality is, she’ll learn about it eventually. Unfortunately, so many wives take offense to their husband’s sexual problems understandably so, but don’t realize that it has nothing to do with them. I’ve met some of the most beautiful and amazing women whose husbands are addicted to pornography and/or have committed adultery. If you have a strong friendship with your husband, it’s key that he be able to share with you without you panicking. It’s okay to be upset, but remember that he is trusting you to hold his heart as he shares something that could bring about a lot of devastation.

We've asked Cindy a ton of questions, but do you have more?

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the interview: holly furtick

THE STATS

Husband: Steven Furtick
Family: Elijah, 3, Graham, 18 mo
Occupation: Supporting my husband and caring for our boys
Church: Elevation Church - Charlotte, NC,

THE INTERVIEW

How long have you been married? 6 1/2 years

How did you meet? We met in college at freshman orientation, became best friends, started dating when we were sophomores, were in engaged our senior year and married days after graduation.

How long have you been a PW? 3 years

What is something you wish church members knew or understood about you (or your family)? I wish they knew that I am probably as nervous and tongue tied talking to them as they are to me. I want so badly to remember each name and person and often get so uptight about that that I cannot enjoy my conversation with them. I absolutely love it when people introduce themselves to me and tell me about how much our church means to them.

What is your favorite way to partner with your husband in ministry? I just love to be with my husband when he preaches. I love to sit through as many of his messages as I can. I love to support him and give him feedback and encouragement.

What's the hardest thing about being a PW? The emotional and spiritual stress that is difficult to explain.

What are some of the perks of being married to a pastor? SO many! Most recently, a lady in our church who works at a local resort and gave us an incredible upgrade on our stay. More importantly: seeing God move over and over again. It really encourages my personal relationship with the Lord.

In what ways would you still like to grow in your role as a PW? I want to embrace the position God has given me and make it mine. Not to try to mimic the way someone else views their role but to embrace my role and anointing with my personality.

What are some techniques or resources you've found that have enriched your quiet time with God? Best thing for me is having the accountability of a weekly bible study with other ladies.

Do you network with other pastor's wives? How? Last fall I attended a pastor’s wives round table with Lisa Young. I made some dear friends and look forward to seeing them at this years C3 conference at Fellowship Church.

How do you help your kids deal with the pressures of being pastor's kids? My kids are really just babies. I am not sure how much they understand but I always talk positively about church. We also allow them special privileges such as attending the worship portion of one of our services and going backstage to the greenroom and eating their Daddy’s food.

What are some ways that you manage alone with your kids during church services or other functions when your husband is "on"? We have a volunteer who functions as our family assistant on Sundays. My boys only attend 2 of our 5 Sunday services. They then go home with the assistant for lunch and rest. I stay with my husband for the following 2 services. He returns alone for the evening service.

In what ways do you think things are different for our generation of pastor's wives? I think the modern church has less weekly requirements. Our church only has services on Sundays and small groups during the week. My mother’s generation of pastor’s wives (she was one) was expected to attend Sunday night service, Monday night ladies meeting, Tuesday night visitation, Wednesday night service, Thursday morning Bible study and then start all over on Sunday. I don’t think the pressure or the “fish bowl” feeling is any different.

In what areas of ministry do you feel passionate about? I feel passionate about serving my husband and meeting his needs. I know that there are needs he has that only I can meet. I try to arrange my life and ministry to fit in with his.

What is the most meaningful thing you do to support your husband? I don’t know if this is the most meaningful, but my husband has a difficult time falling asleep at night so I never ask him to get up with our children in the mornings. I know that he needs rest. He never abuses this and sleeps til noon but even the extra hour does wonders for him.

Do you have any PW mentors? I so admire Lisa Young and the way she is always along side her husband Ed. I also love to read biographies of ministers wives such as Ruth Graham (Its My Turn) and anything else similar I can get my hands on.

What valuable lessons have you learned as a PW? I have gotten to see, first hand, God come through so many times. When we were adding a service or doing an event and we didn’t know if anyone would come, or when we needed a staff member or a new place to meet. Things like this allow me to be able to trust God in the small things I face day to day.

How do you fit the traditional/stereotypical role of a PW? In what ways do you break the mold? I love to dress really nice on Sundays (is that stereotypical??). However, I don’t think I am as available and visible to our church members as most pastors wives are, again because I like to focus on my husband’s needs on Sundays.

What are you reading? 25 Surprising Marriages by William J. Petersen. It features the marriages of many heroes in the faith such as Spurgeon, Moody, Luther and Graham. I just finished the first chapter featuring John and Polly Newton. Excellent!

What's playing on your iPod? A new song by Tommy Walker called “In the Light of Your Glory” But last night my husband and I watched Sheryl Crow in concert (saved in our DVR) for the 10^th time.

How do you like to spend your husband's day off? Taking the boys to a park with Chick-fil-A, them putting the kids to bed early and watching a good movie or TV episode with my husband.

What advice would you give to other PWs? Be your husband’s best friend, #1 cheerleader, and brainstorming partner. And say the hard stuff to him, that only you can say, but say it at the perfect time so that he will hear it.

Holly does a cool thing on her blog every week, she posts a Monday Morning Commentary with her thoughts on the church service and her husband's message. Check her out. She's The Preacher's Wife.

Have any questions for Holly? Ask away....

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the interview: lori wilhite

THE STATS

Husband: Jud Wilhite
Family: Emma - 8, and Ethan- 5
Your Occupation: Stay-at-Home Mom
Church: Central Christian Church - Las Vegas, NV

THE INTERVIEW

Years married? 12 years

How did you meet? The first time Jud saw me, he was speaking, and I was in the audience. I thought he was looking at me, but then decided that I was crazy. But he was. He figured out who I was and called me with what might be one of the worst pick-up lines in history: “I just, uh, wanted to see if I could take you to coffee and encourage you.” Maybe not the smoothest line, but it worked. And I was crazy about him from our first lunch. Five months later we were engaged. Four months after that we were married. That was 12 years ago. I love him more now than then. I’m the luckiest girl ever!

How long have you been a PW? He was in ministry when we met. So, 12 years.

What is your favorite way to partner with your husband in ministry? Before Jud became a Senior Pastor, I was very involved in ministry alongside him. But now, my role in ministry with him has taken on more of a supportive role ... praying, cheerleading, encouraging. I have quite a few ministries that I do on my own now (working with pastor's wives, our online campus, and leading a "school mom" bible study).

What's the hardest thing about being a PW? I've struggled with different things over the years, but right now I think busy schedules is my hardest thing. We love what we do, but as the kids are getting older and busier, it is getting harder to manage everything. I seem to get to this point about once a year and have to lay everything out and start slashing a few things so that we can get some sanity back.

What are some of the perks of being married to a pastor? There are tons of perks ... tons. Probably too many to name or count. The trick is learning to live in the joy of leadership instead of living in the difficulties. We are so blessed that God lets us join Him by serving in this way. I wouldn't want to do anything else.

Do you network with other pastor's wives? How? I mainly connect through the blog world. I also do quite a few things throughout the year with our staff wives. And this past fall, I was fortunate to get to go to a little round table with some amazing Pastor's wives. I got close with a few, and know that I can call them at anytime (and I have) and they will understand.

What areas of ministry do you feel passionate about? A few years ago I started a ministry for teenage moms. While I've since handed the leadership on, I still love them so much. I am very passionate about reaching out to them, helping, and making sure they know how much God and His Church loves them. I also do some work with Pastor's Wives, and I love it!

Do you have any PW mentors? The "mentors" that I have don't really know that they are mentoring me. That sounds kind of stalker-ish, but I mean that I try to be like a sponge. I try to soak up all the great stuff that my friends have learned over the years and also learn from great people like Lisa Young and Kay Warren.

How do you fit the traditional/stereotypical role of a PW? In what ways do you break the mold? I'm not even sure what the traditional/stereotypical role is any more. When I was younger, I thought pastor's wives would look like that lady in "Footloose" and be pretty perfect. The ideal that I had in my head was like a cloak over me. It hampered me in almost every area of my life and ministry. Then one day I realized that I actually didn't know anyone that matched the ideal I had in my head. I knew amazing women who were doing awesome ministry ... and not one of them was what I pictured in my head. That started a journey of me figuring out who I was and getting to a place where I was OK with that. I'm becoming more and more comfortable in my own skin ... comfortable with who God made me to be. And that He can use me ... even with my faults and failings. In fact, he chose me as Jud's wife and ministry partner knowing exactly who I am.

What are you reading? I'm a huge reader, although I mostly read fiction. I actually have an online book club. We just finished discussing "The Shack" and are moving on to "I'll Have What She's Having" by Bobbie Houston. Then on to "The Host." I'm all over the place I guess.

What's playing on your iPod? Right now the main thing playing on my iPod is the Twilight soundtrack. I love it. I'm also still loving Coldplay's album.

How do you like to spend your husband's day off? My husband is off on Fridays. I used to be very sad about that since both of our kids are in school that day. I was so sad that they didn't have a "day off" with their dad since we do services on Saturday and Sunday. But now, I love it. Every Friday, Jud and I go out for a day date. We have breakfast, see a movie, shop, grab coffee, whatever. It is great time together. I cherish it. Then we do Family Pizza and Movie Night that evening with the kids. It works great for our family!

Have questions for Lori? Ask away! And check out her blog, Leading and Loving It, which offers even more insight about life in leadership.

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the interview: michelle wegner

THE STATS

Husband: Rob Wegner
Family: Madeline-10, Whitney-8, and Isabelle-4
Occupation: Stay at home Mom, but I have picked up a few babysitting and puppy sitting jobs in the neighborhood to make ends meet. I am the only mom that stays home in my neighborhood, so it works out well for me!
Church: Granger Community Church, Granger, Indiana
Years Married: 15

THE INTERVIEW
How did you two meet?
Rob and I attended the same church growing up. When I was 12 and he was 15, he became good friends with my older brothers. It was love at first sight for both of us. We were best friends first, but started dating when I was 16 and he was 19. We were married when I was 19. I have never regretted being married so young.

How long have you been a PW?
15 years- Rob started working at GCC right out of college. I followed him here after we got married.

What is something you wish church members knew or understood about you (or your family)?
We love to see you in public, but my children get confused when you start crying and telling their dad all your problems at the mall or the McDonald’s play area.

What is your favorite way to partner with your husband in ministry?
I love hands-on ministry in India or at Son City Kids, our ministry to the children of inner-city South Bend.

What's the hardest thing about being a PW?
Making and maintaining friendships.

What are some of the perks of being married to a pastor?
Of course the very spiritual answer would be “all the changed lives” , but other pastor’s wives know that already soo…

Traveling with him to India and seeing the Taj Mahal.
Conferences that are located in WARM places during the winter.
I got to eat lunch sitting next to President Jimmy Carter and his wife Roslyn once. That was a pretty big perk.

In what ways would you still like to grow in your role as a PW?
I love the age and stage our children are at right now, but it really limits my “hands-on” time for ministry. I am really looking forward to the day when I can travel to India more often with Rob, not just to see exotic things like the Taj Mahal, but reaching women and children of the third world is a huge passion of mine. I look forward to the day when I can invest more of my life there.

How do you help your kids deal with the pressures of being pastor's kids?
My kids are pretty fortunate to be raised in such an amazing community and church. I rarely see our church members treating our children any differently than the other children at our church. Our senior pastor, Dr. Mark Beeson and his wife Sheila paved the way for us with their children. They did not allow their children to have special privileges or use the term P.K. with them. Neither do we.

What is the most meaningful thing you do to support your husband?
Being a dutiful housewife (sarcasm intended). I am not Suzie Home-maker, but I do my best to maintain our household at a level that brings peace and happiness to all. This is really hard considering I have rheumatoid arthritis and have three extrememly spirited little girls.

Do you have any PW mentors?
I sure do. Gail MacDonald has been an amazing friend and mentor to me in many ways. She is a fountain of wisdom, and she speaks to the deepest part of me.

Sheila Beeson, our senior pastor’s wife is an amazing wife and mother to her grown children. She and Mark did so many things right in raising their kids, I just want to be like her.

What are you reading?
Alaska by James Mitchner and Edges of His ways by Amy Carmichael

What's playing on your iPod?
I don’t have an iPod, but I do have a Zune, which was supposed to be my Christmas present. (I accidentally opened it because the package had my name on it.)

I just downloaded Handel's Messiah. It's a huge part of my personal Christmas tradition every year. The girls don't appreciate it, so I listen with my headphones.

Other stuff that's on it:

John Denver (don't laugh)

U2

David Crowder

Hillsong United

Rich Mullins

Celtic Woman

Your husband is a pastor at a church with four weekend services (2 on Saturday and 2 on Sunday), how do you manage that weekend schedule?

The girls and I usually attend Saturday nights when Rob is on. It's easier for me to get them ready in the evening than the morning. I used to attend several services before we had kids. I really wish I still could, but with 3 kids, it's just too much.

Have you encountered any "expectations" in that regard?

Nope, none whatsoever.

How do you like to spend your husband's day off?
Sleeping in, going out to breakfast together if the girls are at school, hanging around home, going hiking, having family pizza/movie night so I don’t have to cook.

Michelle is an active blogger. Check her out here. Have any questions for Michelle? Ask away!

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