In a January post we asked for your feedback on what you wanted to chat about. One Anonymous poster asked:
What to do with all the negative comments that your pastor hubby gets, knowing how hard he works and how faithful he is...really gets me sometimes!
What do you say, ladies? Chime in!
We’re pastor’s wives. We're nice people. We need friends like anyone else. We know these things are true, so then why is it so hard for us to have strong, healthy friendships inside the church? I am thinking about offering a Friendship Application to every new friend I get, that way were clear from the get-go. These are things I would put on a friendship application if it wasn't totally weird to hand someone such a thing.
1. Will you trust me?
2. There are things you will tell me about ministry that I will have to tell my husband. Don't look at it like I am betraying you when I talk about issues in your area of ministry with my husband, who is your pastor.
3. My time with you will be very limited. I don't have free child care. My husband works totally random hours. When he's home, I'm home. He is more important to me than you are. Are you ok with that?
4. Will you trust me?
5. You have the power to make my life seem completely normal.
6. You have the power to destroy my ability to trust again.
7. Will you push me to greater levels of excellence in my own life? I seriously don't have it all together. I need someone to challenge me like everyone else.
8. Will you trust me?
9. Asking me to help get something done in your area of ministry is like me calling the Wal-Mart managers wife at home to clean up a spill on aisle 8. My life is at home. My job is not at the church.
10. We don’t answer the phone on my husband’s day off. Do you understand that doesn’t mean I don’t like you?
If you understand and agree with me on all these points, then, and only then, can we be close friends.
You know I am being slightly sarcastic with this. I am really just trying to figure out ways to convey these things to my friends without being overly rude. I love them, and don’t want to lose them. Not many will stick with you when they start learning that a friendship with a pastor’s wife is slightly conditional. Those that do will be the best friends you could ever ask for.
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Michelle Wegner lives in Indiana where her PH, Rob, is a pastor at Granger Community Church. She has 3 girls, 2 dogs and a great blog.
Gotta say I love all the comments these last posts are getting!
Since discovering that we are going to bring a life into the world, my PH and I have been doing a lot of talking...
How does this affect who we are?
What does being "a family" mean for our ministry?
How can we grow through this amazing journey of becoming parents?
For us, it's sparked a whole new evaluation of how we minister, what we value, and where we focus. We've spent hours talking about our own characters - what we want to apply and discard from our childhood experiences, and forming concepts of the kind of family we want to be. We've been married and ministering together for 6 years, and this all flows over into our concepts of reaching other people and meeting their needs, too.
So I'm curious - were you in ministry when you became parents for the first time? How did entering the adventure of parenthood challenge your approaches to ministry, if at all? Did you feel any different ministering as a family rather than as a couple?
I'm sort of a Facebook snob. I'm constantly deleting people (who aren't interacting) and I've been known to "ignore" people's friend requests. In one instance, I have a friend request from a church member just sitting in there waiting for me to take action. This person never speaks to me (more than "hello") in the real world. I'm a little apprehensive about letting people into my Facebook life who don't already know me in some tangible way. I don't want Facebook to be a place where I have to censor myself because "so-and-so may read this."
But what kind of a snotty PW am I if I deny members the opportunity to connect with me...even if it's through Facebook (which may be more comfortable for them)?
What are your thoughts on this ladies? I'm open to being corrected. How do you mesh social networking, your private life and ministry?
It's gotta be the worst, most frustrating time of the year for me--tax season. There's nothing worse than coming to grips with the fact that the folders you put together to keep track of taxes are empty and the receipts are in various drawers and piles.
Additionally, there's no joy in knowing that once I do get that pile of info organized, we'll still end up owing that hefty self-employment tax (um... didn't get around to filing quarterly last year either). I know there are various tax perks associated with our husband's job, but I'm still bitter.
How are you handling this tax season? Any tips? Lessons learned? Is this a headache for y'all too, or am I the only one?
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