guest blog: dealing with the nastiness

I don’t always like women very much. Women can be nasty. The jobs I have kept that have all women on staff are the hardest jobs I have had. Women have this tendency to rip one another apart. I suppose gossip and slander are our ways of making ourselves feel better about our own insecurities.

A few months ago I had the opportunity be on a panel for a Pastor's Wife Q&A. The attendees were all women who had the same thing in common. They were all Pastors’ wives. They were all at different ages and stages of life, but their questions had an uncanny theme. The thing they asked most about was how to deal with criticism and the bitterness that follows.

Pastor’s wife or not, all women deal with feelings of bitterness when they are betrayed by a friend or criticized unfairly by someone they care about. Here are some things I have done to deal with these issues:

• Never fight back in the moment. You will say things you regret.
• Try to see the hurt the other person is talking through.
• Ask yourself if there is even a small amount of truth to what they are saying.
• Don’t feed the fire of your insecurities by brooding over these things in your mind
• Focus on others. A pity-party will only bring you down more.
• Keep a sense of humor. Most of what people find to be critical about is pretty funny.
• Wait till you are home or with your spouse to laugh. Laughing at them in the moment is almost as bad as fighting back in the moment.
• Remember that Jesus was criticized and betrayed by the ones He loved the most. He sees. He cares.

Psalm 56:8: You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

Michelle Wegner lives in Indiana where her PH, Rob, is a pastor at Granger Community Church. She has 3 girls, 2 dogs and a great blog.

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has the falling economy landed at your house yet?

Seems like none of us can escape the grim news about our economy reported on the news, on the web, on the radio,...everywhere. Some churches are struggling too---laying off employees and or not being able to hire the people they need.

All of the employees in my PH's area conference are getting a 5% paycut and their continuing education budget has been cut altogether (no Catalyst West for us).

Has the failing economy hit close to home for you already? Has your church been affected?

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talking about accountability...

Last autumn, I attended a PW Retreat with about 100 other women from my general area. We listened to good speakers, had a late night pajama party, went walking in nature, and sat in rocking chairs talking for hours.

One of the main points the retreat leaders talked about that weekend was "accountability". The idea that every PW should have another trusted PW friend that she can talk to, confide in, pray with and mutually support. A woman of godly wisdom and earthly common sense...

I've done a lot of thinking about that since then. Praying that God will bring me someone to fill that role. Unlike some PW's I know, I was blessed with an amazing and godly mother who has often worn these shoes. But as a laywoman she can't always grasp the nuances of the tightrope we walk as PWs. So I've tried to figure out what "accountability" really means.

For me, having a PW accountability partner means someone:
- bold/brave enough to call me on my nonsense
- spiritually discerning
- fun enough to get me out of my box
- willing to be real and authentic
- discreet and trustworthy
- whose life is guided by scripture rather than just culture

Do you have a PW friend who keeps you accountable to grow and improve? What does accountability look like to you?

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chime in: questions from you (2)

Reader Deidre C. wants your two cents on two topics. Answer one or both, but please chime in!

1) What to do when you don't feel called to the ministry?

2) How to support him when he doesn't even know where God is leading?

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the hats we wear...

For years, my momma told me I should wear hats. I always nodded and smiled and never gave in to her crazy idea.

Until last year. When I discovered the joyous versatility of hats.

Newsboy caps with jeans and boots. Wool berets pulled down over my ears or tugged jauntily to the side like a sassy French chick. Cloche hats with little shift dresses. Wide-brimmed straw with sundresses. Short-brimmed felt with a prim church suit. The possibilities are endless!

I travel in Europe often for my work, and over there - women wear hats all the time. It got me brave enough to try it and bring it back home. And to church!

At my church, nobody wears hats. So I'm starting a new trend. I know some cultures in the States wear hats to church all the time, but in my church I'm currently alone.

Oh well.

Sometimes being the PW makes me feel like I should just stay invisible. Other times I feel empowered to be transparently, unashamedly myself. When I'm brave enough to follow through, it feels really good!

So maybe hats aren't your thing. But surely there's something you wish you were brave enough to do or say... Have you started a trend that you love, but weren't sure about doing alone? If you haven't, what trend do you WISH you could start?

Be brave, girls!

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