holiday gratefulness

This year was an unusual Thanksgiving month for us. My job took me to the UK and then Russia for the first two weeks of the month, then a week at Andrews University.

Then, for Thanksgiving week my pastor husband had to travel to Brasil for 10 days to prepare for next year's mission trip. Our church is planning to build two churches in the Amazon interior. I'm thankful for his passion for taking people on mission trips - it changes lives - but the idea of being at home alone on Thanksgiving was pretty bleak.

So I spent the holidays in Chicago with cousins. We made a massive batch of yummy chocolate cherry cookies, gluten steaks, chik'n artichoke bake, potato leek soup and pumpkin pie.

There was a very cool barn door with an old sign on it. Just begged to be photographed. And it felt very spiritual, too - the light bursting through the window and the One Way arrow...

Another thing I'm thankful for this year is female friends. Loneliness is something I've struggled with for years, and knowing that it's usually unwise to get close to (even the nicest) church members doesn't make it easier.

My husband challenged me a couple of years ago to purposefully focus my energy on building some strong female friendships. I prayed for quite a while about whom to even begin getting to know! Since then, God has put a variety of amazing women in my path and I feel incredibly blessed.

This year I got the unusual and precious opportunity to spend several days with some of those girlfriends (some of whom were fellow PW's), and for that I am grateful.
R>L: me, my cousin, a friend, a fellow pastor's wife, and another friend - out in the snow

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who to invite?

Traditionally, Thanksgiving is a "family holiday".

But in our previous church district, my husband and I decided to expand our horizons a little bit. Our table guests were sparse last year, just the two of us and my parents – and we come from the philosophy that at times like these, the more the merrier!

So we started talking around to our friends in the congregation to see who wanted to share the holiday dinner together. Several showed interest, but in the end all declined.

We were disappointed. All our friends seemed to have better things to do than spend time with us! ☹

So one night, the week before the holiday, I decided to pray about it. I really felt strongly that we needed to invite someone over and I just couldn’t figure out whom. So I asked God “What’s your plan? Is there someone I’m supposed to ask specifically?”

And then I thought of Mr Hughes. A tall and distinguished elderly gentleman who’d sat in the same spot on the same front pew every service for the past 20+ years. He played the violin sometimes for special music, and attended church alone because his bedridden wife couldn’t come along.

Occasionally he would stay for fellowship dinner, and when he did, he would always go back through the line a second time to pack a little Styrofoam plate to take home and share the church dinner with her.

Mr Hughes always had a quick smile and a hug for anyone who would spare him a moment’s notice. He was a true Southern gentleman of the old sort. They had no children in the area, or family to share the holiday. I was almost certain they’d be eating a microwave dinner at home alone.

So I invited Mr Hughes to join us.

He arrived right on time, and started off by saying that he couldn’t stay more than an hour or two, because his wife was having a bad day.

But during that hour he oohed and aahed over the dinner, regaled us with stories of frontline reconnaissance in the Pacific theatre during World War II, sang songs and cracked jokes and had a wonderful time.

When he left, we packed him a huge plate of holiday food to take home for his wife. As he stood at the door, he had tears in his eyes and told me that this was the first time he’d been out of the house for anything but church or the doctor in years.

I knew we’d done the right thing. Then we moved to a new district last spring, and a few months ago we heard that Mr Hughes had suddenly passed away from an unexpected illness.

At the time, it felt great to know that our invitation gave a wonderful old man a sense of family and acceptedness during an otherwise lonely holiday. It felt good to bless him that way.

As I’m writing this, I just realized that it was also his final Thanksgiving on this earth. I’m glad he shared it with us - I think we were the ones who were blessed.

Who does God want you to invite to join your family table this year?

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making ministry real

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. Partly because it seems like one of the rare American holidays that actually has to do with relationships rather than material consumerism.

Thanksgiving seems more about getting together with people than going out shopping for more useless clutter. I like that.

But I guess on any holiday, it can get easy to be wrapped up in ourselves. The perfect dinner menu. Just the right table decorations. Whether or not the least favorite relative is showing up this year…

It can be a challenge to see the holidays as opportunities to minister, especially as PW’s when our schedule is dictated by the number of special events at church. And when all we’d really like to do is maybe hide away at home with our husbands and families and have just ONE happily uninterrupted day together.

When I was about 5 or 6 years old, my family made some winter holiday memories together that profoundly impacted my little girl self. I didn’t realize it at the time, but looking back I know that we were poor. Not just “less-than-comfortable”. We were totally below the poverty line.

But there was another young family with a new baby who lived near us – and they were even poorer. So my parents decided to help them out. We went to the grocery store and put together a shopping list. Then we packed all the bags as prettily as we could into an open banana box and walked over to their house.

We tiptoed to the door, set the box on the step, rang the doorbell and ran merrily around the corner of their little trailer to wait for them to discover the gift.

My childish heart felt a thrill as we watched them exclaim over the simple box, knowing that I had been part of giving them something they needed.

Thanksgiving can be a great time to involve ourselves and the children around us in the excitement of meeting someone else’s needs. At a season where even selfish society urges us to be thankful, sometimes we need to be the reason for another’s gladness.

Besides, it’s those small things that are small on money and big on heart that make lasting memories for both children and adults. Have you had a similar story you’d like to share here? Or maybe you can think up something creative to do with your kids this year to spread the thankfulness around?

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are you out there? - open thread

We sorta already know you're there, but you're probably just lurking around, checking out the blog. Well, there's not *much* to check out yet, but there can be if you help us out.

We're going to reserve Fridays and the weekend for an open thread. Tell us what's on your mind...anything (even if it's not related to your life as PW). Or, if you prefer tell us what would you like to see on Clutch?

Talk to us. We're listening.

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the typical pastor's wife

I've often heard PWs of all ages, of all different gifts, personalities and lifestyles and interests say that they're "not the typical pastor's wife." I suppose on some level, no one wants to be the "typical" anything. But that got me thinking... what is the typical pastor's wife?

What elements define the stereotypical pastor's wife? How do you fit into that description? In what ways do you break the mold?

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