an open letter to seasoned pastor's wives - part 1

>> February 11, 2009

Dear Seasoned PWs,

I need you. We need you. The younger pastor's wives in your life need you. When we see you at various events, we need more than a “how are you doing? Good to see you.” Have you ever thought about prayerfully choosing one of us, befriending us, offering yourself for more than just a casual relationship?

I don’t have to tell you that being a pastor’s wife comes with a unique set of struggles, challenges and joys that only another pastor’s wife would understand. But maybe you’re not aware of how much many of us would like one of you, who’ve been there, done that, to take us under your wing. We don’t necessarily need mothering (though it might be nice to have a local mother, when our biological mothers aren’t nearby), and we certainly don’t want smothering, but how about some gentle guidance, sincere advice, or just a shoulder to cry on and an ear to vent to? We want you to be our mentors. Will you be a Titus 2 mentor, encouraging us and training us "to love [our] husbands and [our] children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in [our] homes, to do good, and to be submissive to [our] husbands?"

Will you be intentional about sharing your experiences with us?

How do you deal with members who want to get closer to your family (or your husband!) than you're comfortable? How do you make your home a haven for your husband? What are some valuable lessons you've learned? Will you admit to some mistakes you made along the way? How do you deal with expectations? And what about practical knowledge… Do you attend every graduation party for your members? Does every new mother get a gift from the pastor’s family? How do you develop friendships without being exclusive and cliquish? Are you part of the church leadership team?

You’d be surprised at the type of relationship that you might develop with one of us too. You never know, we may be able to inspire you… to spread your wings, be more of who you are, and break away from the box that has defined pastor’s wives for generations. We want a real relationship with you.

Your life is a storehouse overflowing with wisdom and invaluable knowledge. Please share. Let’s do lunch.

In love,

A younger PW


Do any of you have a PW mentor? If not, do you wish you did? What questions do you have for older PWs?


Denira Baird Williams February 11, 2009 at 12:46 PM  

I would love to have a PW mentor. As a PW of a new church plant, I strive so much to be what my husband needs me to be. Hearing from someone who has been there done that would be so helpful!

Lily February 11, 2009 at 4:35 PM  

Seasoned--- now that's a good word. I think I shall tell the world I'm not feeling old-- I'm feeling seasoned.

I really wish that a more seasoned PW had taken me under her wing when I was younger. I'm only 37 now, but we've been in ministry for 16 years now. Am I seasoned? Hmmm.. not sure.

dpm February 11, 2009 at 5:47 PM  

Well, in some ways we are all seasoned and could share some of our *flavor* with women younger than us. I think a younger pastor's wife would love to glean from your 16 years of experience...they would be especially receptive 'cause they would see you as "not that old."

Sheila February 11, 2009 at 7:45 PM  

My husband and I have been married now for almost 13 years and doing ministry ever since day 1. I am in my early 30s and I feel as though I would have some wisdom for the younger PW, mainly from my own mistakes. I would also love to establish a mentoring relationship with another PW. THat is something I have prayed about off and on now for years!

Anonymous,  March 8, 2009 at 8:49 PM  

I have had a PW mentor and she is incredible. I cannot tell you how many wonderful things have come out of this relationship. Through the roughest stages of our ministry and our personal life, she has been a beacon of hope, a strong support to lean on, and a warrior in prayer. If you don't have one, girls, get yourself one. I had to be proactive about it though. I prayed and asked God who it should be and after a few months, there she was and I just knew it was her. I am so, so grateful.

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