pastors, depression and suicide

Anyone read the article in USA Today a couple of weeks ago? Propelled by a pastor's suicide in North Carolina, the article explores the reasons lead a pastor to feel depressed and that there's no way out. Some interesting notes from the article:

• Being a pastor — a high-profile, high-stress job with nearly impossible expectations for success — can send one down the road to depression, according to pastoral counselors.

• It's a job that breeds isolation and loneliness — the pastorate's "greatest occupational hazards," said Scoggin, who counsels many Baptist and other ministers. "These suicides are born out of a lack of those social supports that can intervene in times of personal crisis."

• "The likelihood is that one out of every four pastors is depressed,.."

• Counselors say ... fewer depressed ministers get treated because of career fears, social stigma and spiritual taboo.

  "Clergy do not talk about it because it violates their understanding of their faith," said Scoggin. "They believe they are not supposed to have those kinds of thoughts."

• Society still places a stigma on mental illness, but Christians make it worse, he said, by "over-spiritualizing" depression and other disorders — dismissing them as a lack of faith or a sign of weakness.

• For pastors, treatment can come at a high price. "You are committing career suicide if you have to seek treatment," said Stanford, "particularly if you have to take time off."

What are your thoughts? In what ways are PWs at risk for this occupational hazard? How can we help a PH who is depressed? How do you help a depressed PH without sidelining the ministry forever (or is this even a consideration?)

giveaway: custom initial letter

Amber, the PW we interviewed yesterday, is giving away one of her custom creations, a metal initial ornament. It includes ribbon to hang on Christmas tree or mantel!

Here's an example (the winner will choose a letter of her choice):



The letter (capital) will be AROUND 5" tall.
Check out the other items in Amber's Etsy shop! She has headbands, necklace pendants, hairbows for kids,... great stuff.

We love promoting the things that other PWs are doing. If you'd like to do a giveaway of something you made, let us know!

To enter the giveaway, leave a comment with your:

Name:
Church name/location:
Name one way that you are not the typical PW:

You have until noon (PST) on Saturday, November 14, to enter. The random winner will be announced soon after.

the interview: amber stoffer

THE BASICS
Name: Amber, wife to a High School Pastor/ football coach and Mama to my two cuties!
Husband's name: Dan
Family: Jace is 3.5 and Elle is 17 months
How long have you been married? Married 4.5 years


THE INTERVIEW

How did you meet your PH? We met at our last church. We were both on staff and he liked me for a while. Long story short, I turned him down 3 times and then 6 months later God really put him on my heart and as my husband likes to put it, I came "crawling" back to him...lol. Engaged 3 months later, married 9 months following that.

What is your favorite way to partner with your husband in ministry? At our last church I lead a small group of HS girls but we've recently moved across the country and so currently while I'm getting to know the students, I'm just trying to keep a well-kept home that can be a sanctuary for the hubs when he comes home.

What's the hardest thing about being a PW? Keeping my mouth shut at times... :)

What are some of the perks of being married to a pastor? Knowing things before church members.

In what ways would you still like to grow in your role as a PW? I would like to learn how to be a leader to young women- the type that I have not had in my life as a young woman who is married to someone in the ministry.

What are some techniques or resources you've found that have enriched your quiet time with God? A friend gave me a great little devotional for moms that does a great job at relating day-to-day situations with lessons that we can learn from our Father.

Do you network with other pastor's wives? Yes!! At my last church all of the PWs got together monthly for food and fellowship and for the past 2 years or so I've been a part of an online community of PWs- that has been SO helpful to me!

How do you help your kids deal with the pressures of being pastor's kids? Because right now they are just the YP's kids in a large church, they're not really labeled as such. And they're young. So time will tell... but in our last ministry we had several PKs go through and have been able to keep in touch and learn valuable lessons from them. So I definitely plan on drawing from their experiences in the future.

What are some ways that you manage alone with your kids during church services or other functions when your husband is "on"? Our church pretty much always has childcare or classes for the little ones during services/events. So all I really have to do is get them there looking decent!!
In what ways do you think things are different for our generation of pastor's wives? I really think we're not afraid to reach out to others in our position. We know that we don't have to go through the rough times alone- that there are many many others who can understand what we may be going through. I think that the online community has been hugely beneficial for this!

In what areas of ministry do you feel passionate about? I'm with my husband with a passion for teens and I'm also really developing my own passion for nutrition and wellness. So I'm excited to see where God takes me with that!
What is the most meaningful thing you do to support your husband? This won't seem very original but I think the most meaningful thing any wife can do for her husband is to simply pray for him.

Do you have any PW mentors? Not really, but I have a great group of PW peers that bring many different perspectives and lessons to the table and act as mentors in many ways!

How do you fit the traditional/stereotypical role of a PW? In what ways do you break the mold? I'm not traditional in the slightest! If you would have asked me even 5.5 years ago (I've been married 4.5!!) if this would be my life I would have laughed at you! Even though I'm currently the YPW, my husband has the desire to be SP down the road. And when that time comes I can only pray it's a church that won't expect me to fit into a cookie-cutter mold. I don't play the piano, I don't sing (on stage at least!), I don't like doing office work, etc. I pray for a church at that time that will not just allow but EXPECT and NURTURE my own God-given gifts and talents.

What are you reading? A lot of different things- mostly heavily researching our options for our children's educational path before it's time to decide!

What's playing on your ipod? Taylor Swift- haha, don't judge me- I love her!

How do you like to spend your husband's day off? "Friday-fun-day"! We find fun free stuff to do in our new city as a family. The beach, zoo, aquarium, parks, museums, markets, festivals, you name it!

Quote I like: "I like to blame Katherine Luther, who ran a hospital, brewed beer and cared for people with the plague. She did everything. And a lot of congregations expect that." -Lora Horn

Check out Amber's blog and her Etsy shop. Tomorrow we'll have a giveaway for one of her custom creations.

a legitimate reason...

... for Sarah to be offline for a little while.

Tristan Alexander Vasile Matthews-Asaftei
arrived on
Monday, October 26, 2009
at 10:49 AM

7 lbs, 12 oz
19 inches long

guest blog: halloween and the PK

Halloween. Say that word in church and ears perk up; it’s rather funny. While we might not all agree on each ones perspectives; we can agree that it’s a controversial topic in the church world.

With the accessibility of modern research, I will leave the opportunity to Google and search for the history, origins, post-modern and modern fact, myths, info etc… to you and your free time for article length sake.

I will share with you what we do and why and you share with us what you do and why! How about that!

In the Brown Household, we have chosen to NOT celebrate Halloween in the traditional manner of “dress up” and “trick or treating." We have done one of the following things over the last three years:

· Hallelujah Night – equivalent to a fall festival
· Handing out candy (inside plastic 3”x4” jewelry bags) with shipping sized labels inviting people to our church. (label says: You're Invited & give church name, website, slogan)
· Decorating for Christmas (yes this is true) (haha)

Truth be told, my children are young; 3 & 5. They truthfully dress up EVERYDAY. As dramatic play is a big deal for them right now, on any given day, you can find Spiderman, The Hulk, A Police Officer or Fireman in my home. To them Halloween is just another day. They are actually into Buzzlight Year and Woody this year; so I’m sure those costumes will be purchased soon. They have no idea the purpose and history behind Halloween and why all these cool costumes are now only seasonally available. With our ministerial experience in dealing with witchcraft and demonic STUFF…., we opt to not celebrate in the traditional manner.

As for our church members, ministry friends, pastor friends, etc…. the Bible teaches us to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. There are essentials and non-essentials in our variation in beliefs, interpretation of Scripture, what we teach and live as an example to our flocks. As for raised eyebrows from church members, “raise on” because if I let them dress up and trick or treat, there will be talk. If I do not, there will be talk. I have grown to the point that their approval or disapproval means nothing to me. If my ways please the Lord, I am at peace with that – as that is my ultimate goal. To please my Father, be accountable to HIM for my children’s upbringing, instilment of values etc..

What do you do? How do you explain it to your kiddos?

Veronica Brown is the co-pastor, along with her husband, of Breath of Life Worship Center in Austin, TX. Her blog is a window into their lives -- pastoring, church planting, parenting, life in the motherhood, being married to the pastor/preacher and life in ministry.