death, darkness, demons and... Christian pastor's families?

>> October 31, 2011

It's Halloween.

Here at CLUTCH, we're not celebrating.

We don't think we're better than anybody else. And we don't want to pick a fight. But we do feel called to take a stand.

We feel that, as wives and families of God's local leaders, it is our calling to bring light and hope and the gospel wherever we go. We believe we have no business participating in a day set aside to honor death and darkness.

We believe that when God said "Do not let your people... engage in witchcraft," (Deut 18:9-11, NLT) that He didn't mean just skipping the hard core stuff. And when the Apostle Paul lumped sorcery along with sexual immorality, hostility and dissension as "sins" that "will not inherit the Kingdom of God" - he was actually serious. (Gal 5:20, NLT)

When people in the early Christian church became believers in God, those "who had been practicing sorcery brought their incantation books and burned them at a public bonfire." Even though the books were worth the equivalent of several million dollars. (Acts 19:19, NLT)

So we personally don't feel that it's okay to joke around with the devil. Or play games of pretend that mimic demonic activities. Or even go around for candy on a day that our culture has handed over to the celebration of darkness.

Sure, we know that not everyone who participates in Halloween is acting from some deep dark motive. Sure, it could be fun to stock up on candy (unless, of course, you're trying really hard to keep sugar out of the house!). And kids can definitely be cute in sweet little costumes.

But it's no joke to goof off with satanic influences. So our families will just do cute costumes some other day of the year.

Tomorrow, Veronica will share how she explains their family's stand on Halloween to her kids in simple, clear ways that they can understand.

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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pastors' wives and fitness

>> October 27, 2011

Fitness. Nutrition. Health. I'm not sure about you, but as for me (Veronica) I want to be fit. I want to be healthy, but sometimes......, okay more often then not, my excuses outweigh the "want to" and the "I will start tomorrow" syndrome kicks in.

So...why wait till the new year to get healthy? What if we at CLUTCHtalk did it NOW? We have to be "Fit 4 God's Mission" you know!

Okay so I can hear you say, I want to, but don't know how. Or, I lack the time. Maybe, you lack the motivation, discipline or accountability. Don't worry, I (Veronica) do too. :) Who hasn't at one time or another? Well ladies, together let's get in gear. We should be fit body/soul/spirit.

I want to introduce you to my PW friend Michelle Myers! I'm blessed that we not only live in the same city, but the same subdivision - how cool is that!

Michelle is the author of A Look that Kills. She has a tremendous testimony and is the queen of fitness!

She has a Bachelor of Arts in Communication Studies with a minor in Psychology from The University of Tennessee. In addition, she earned her Masters of Arts in Christian Education from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

Did I mention she is a cutie and has the sweetest spirit!

Michelle describes herself as......
  • Christ Follower.
  • Pastor's Wife.
  • Noah's Mom.
  • Author.
  • Speaker.
  • Business Owner.
  • Fitness Instructor & Nutrition Coach  
Today she is sharing a great recipe with us!

You will need:
1 sweet potato, cut into cir­cles
Non­stick cook­ing spray
1 tsp organic coconut oil
3 TBSP. orange juice2 TBSP water2 TBSP organic honey/agave nec­tar
1 clove gar­lic, finely chopped

Place pota­toes in a steamer bas­ket over boil­ing water.
Cover pan and steam 10 min­utes, or until tender.
Brush pota­toes with coconut oil.
Spray grill with non­stick spray.
Place pota­toes, cut sides down on rack.
Com­bine remain­ing ingre­di­ents in a bowl.
Grill pota­toes 5 min­utes on each side, or until ten­der, bast­ing with orange juice mixture.
Eat and enjoy!

Soon you can find Michelle blogging right here on CLUTCH in our new Lifestyle column! Stay tuned for her introduction and details!

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.



>> October 26, 2011

Influence. The capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce efforts on the actions, behaviors, opinions. etc..

Now that Webster has cleared up exactly what influence is, I want to bring it home. As the wife a Pastor your influence is far greater than you think. I'm not talking about you individually, while yes that is a great influence; that is another post in itself. I'm specifically referencing the influence we have with our husbands, their leadership and the future of the church.

I never want it to be said of me that my reply, my response, my expression, my sigh, my deep exhaling breath, my prolonged silence, my lack of enthusiasm, my withdrawal, my....get the picture; impacted a decision in moving the church, our ministry or the body of Christ forward.

I am a firm believer that when our husbands share something with us it can bear witness in our spirits and sometimes there is a huge red flag, that is the prompting of the Spirit. But I am also keenly aware that women across the country are tired, frustrated and worn out. So when Pastor/Hubby starts throwing around the idea of adding another service all you see is increase in volunteer management, what are you going to do with the kids, how are you going to arrange this, that and the other. While he's excited about whatever idea the Lord has laid on his heart and the great impacts it will have on reaching people; your response is your influence.

My prayer is that we guard the words we say. That we are led by the Spirit of God in responding and use our influence how God intended. That doesn't mean our responses are yes, go, green light, run for it. But we sincerely seek God and check our spirits vs. responding out of pure exhaustion, frustration, disappointment, the state of being overwhelmed, whatever the case.

My friend, your BEST days are ahead of you. Your future is bright. There is day on the other side of your night. Breakthrough is on the horizon. God has great plans in store for you, your marriage, your family and for your church!

Life and death are in the power of the tongue. Let's guard our influence.


© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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building relationships: with other pastors' wives

>> October 25, 2011

Two Monday's ago, Pastor Mark and I spent the day with Pastors Joel and Victoria Osteen along with several Champions Network Pastors.

After lunch, Victoria got all the PW's together and her, Marguerite Reeve and Jeannie Munsey poured into us. It was a great few hours of sharing, asking questions, exchanging ideas and developing friendships. The time together was energizing.

We talked about family time, children, being the wife, leading, influence, sex, marriage in the ministry, working on staff, ministering, taking over a church; lots was covered. These seasoned PW's did not hold back.

I think that is what I love best about building relationships; disclosure. It helps me grow.

How do you keep yourself growing? For me, maintaining a posture of learning has been most beneficial. If you belong to a church of 25, 250, 2500 or 25,000 we are all in the same race just running in different lanes.

I hope that you are encouraged to connect here on You have been called to impact, influence and inspire the world around you. We look forward to building a relationship with you!

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
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you have the power::to make your husband leave the ministry

>> October 24, 2011

It’s not as hard as you might think.

A little complaining and whining here. A little lack of confidence in his abilities there. Occasional comments about how you wish he’d picked a career that made more money...

Maybe there are a few exceptions, but most pastors come to a point sometime where they wonder if they should’ve made a different career choice. It’s hard to wonder if you’re providing for your family the best you can, especially if your wife isn’t content. And when you have rough patches in your congregation, it’s a rare man who doesn’t at least ask himself how things might have been easier if he’d traveled a different path.

Back when my husband was a seminary student, we spent an afternoon at the tennis courts with another young pastoral couple. After a few doubles games, the other pastor’s wife and I took a breather on the sidelines. She started telling me how much she hated being a pastor’swife.

"All these people expect me to talk to them at church, when I don't even want to be there! What makes them think I want to listen to their problems?"

I was speechless. And if you knew me, that’d make you chuckle. But I honestly didn't know what to say.

Later that night, I shared the conversation with my husband. He wasn’t surprised. He knew that her husband felt torn between his wife and his ministry. Church members kept asking what they’d done to offend her? Why didn’t she like them? What was wrong?

Her husband isn't a pastor any more. Eventually, her distaste for his calling was a big factor in his decision to switch careers.These days he carries a gun and a badge. I don’t know if she’s any happier than she was before...

That doesn’t mean that I think it’s necessarily wrong to stop being a pastor. Sometimes God calls us to a certain type of ministry for a season rather than a lifetime. Or maybe God has a different avenue of service and he never meant for your husband to be a pastor in the first place. I’m not sitting in judgment of those situations.

But that’s not the same as when your husband is a fabulous pastor, and clearly called into a life of ministry, and you just can’t seem to stop longing for a different life. When the pastor loves both his job and his wife but his wife hates his job - then something has to change. Unless ofcourse, he’s willing to live in misery or lose his marriage (see the first two articles in this series).

Let’s assume that your husband loves you. (At least I certainly hope he does!) So he decides to go ahead and do whatever it takes to make you happy, at the cost of his own dreams and passion. In this case, that means finding a new career.

You’re thrilled. Now it’s going to be all better. Now he is home every night. He sits right beside you in church, if you still go to church. He doesn’t get random phone calls in the middle of the night. No one knocks at your door unexpectedly asking for help or handouts. Life is great, right?

Somewhere, at least one or two of you are wishing this would happen with your husband right now. But are you sure you’ve thought it through? Once he quits pastoring, what will he do?Where will he go? Who will he become?

How long do you think he can hide the threads of resentment weaving in his heart because you wanted him leave the calling that shaped his identity?

Now you won’t be just his lovely wife. You will be the reason why he is no longer fulfilling his divine calling as a shepherd. He loses his spark, that fire in his bones that made him feel like aman.

If he truly loved his role as a pastor, then after a while, he will no longer be the man he was before.

No longer a leader of people. Now he’s just another guy, going through the motions,surviving each day.

Would that make life better? Is that the husband you want? Is it worth it?

Or is God maybe calling you to join your husband in a ministry adventure that you can’t comprehend? Nope - it isn’t going to be easy. But then most valuable experiences come with a measure of sweat and tears.

If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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CASTING CALL::style blogger

>> October 21, 2011

Being a PW is about prayer, and study, and multi-tasking.
And flexibility.
And keeping cool under pressure.

And penny-pinching. Which can be quite a challenge when you also want your wardrobe to adequately represent your husband and your church.

So CLUTCH would like to add a bit of whimsy (and economic thrift!) to our blog. What trends might be attractive yet appropriate for the fashion savvy PW? How can you keep your clothing updated without breaking the family budget? What about freshening up your house or even your husband's wardrobe?

Would you like to be our trend blogger? Got an eye for style on a tight budget?

Tell us more about yourself and why you think you'd be a good columnist for PW style and fashion at clutchtalk (at) gmail (dot) com. Include a photo of yourself in an outfit that you got on the cheap. :)

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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and the WINNER is.........

>> October 18, 2011

We are excited to announce the winner of the Thomas Nelson Marriage bible.

((drumroll please))

Tanya Fleenor!!!!!! Yay!!!!

Please email me your mailing address at veronica @ CLUTCHtalk(dot)org and I will get it out to you this week!

True Random Number Service

List Randomizer

There were 10 items in your list. Here they are in random order:

  1. Tanya Fleenor

  2. Amy Brown

  3. Melissa Rorabaugh

  4. Indy Almeida

  5. Dawna Elguera

  6. Angela D7Church

  7. Becky RedfordMI

  8. Kristin Scott

  9. Elisa HolyTrinity

  10. Mindy Curtis

Timestamp: 2011-10-18 02:30:06 UTC

Thank you to everyone who signed up! We will have more drawings in the future!


© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.


you have the power::to lose your marriage

>> October 17, 2011

You havehalf the power to keep your marriage. And all the powerto ruin it.

In most Western cultures, losing your marriage is easy. It’s staying married that’s the hard part. And in cultures where divorce is anathema, staying happily married still requires alot of work.

I know God called my husband to be a pastor. Since God also let me marry him - I choose tobelieve God called me to ministry too. I don’t think God would bring ustogether and then only call one of us.Ministry works best when the whole family is on board. God doesn’t make randommistakes - so if your husband is called to ministry, and you’re his wife, then God has called you too.

“Nothanks,” I hear you saying. “That’s my husband’s job. I’ve got my own career, my own interests.”

Good for you. You are truly a liberated woman.

Except...that kind of liberation tends to endanger marital satisfaction.

Good marriages thrive on common interest. Strong relationships grow out of shared passion. Life long commitment comes easiest when there is mutual respect.

Yes, you can be your own woman. Go ahead, enjoy your career. Or you might be choosing tostay at home and raise your babies - which is a worthy career in its own right. But antagonism (or even casual disinterest) toward your husband’s ministry will bring guaranteed repercussions.

When you can’t find something, anything, to love about life as a pastor’s wife, you’re effectively making your husband choose between pleasing you and obeying God. He faces a crisis of decision.

Who does he value more, you or God? Whose daily wrath can he endure most easily? Sooner or later, he’ll wonder if he’s failed as a husband because you’re so unhappy and disinterested. This kind of tension can become a dark cloud over your home.

That feeling of failure is definitely going to affect your married life. Sure, it might stay contained in the realm of general misery and discontent. Or it might spill over into something worse.

I’m not writing this to make you feel threatened. It’s not about changing who you are just so you can save your marriage. Or maybe it is. I guess that all depends on who you are, and the direction your marriage is headed.

I wouldn't urge you to pretend to be someone you’re not, just to make things peaceful. Be who you are. But, if who you are is a woman at odds with your husband’s identity and calling, if who you are is causing stress and friction in your marriage - then maybe God wants to transform you into someone new.

I freely admit that being a pastor’s wife isn’t the easiest of identities to embrace. We don’t get regular weekends off. We share our husbands with an entire congregation. We pick up the ball when it’s “family day” and a church member calls from the hospital needing an emergency pastoral visit. We spend evenings at home alone with the kids while other families are eating supper together. We sit through the sermon alone, managing the babies as best we can. (I’m getting a lot of practice with this right now!)

But take a moment and look at the big picture. Are all these inconveniences worth risking your marriage? What if God has an incredible plan for you that includes this reality of life as the pastor’s wife? What if you are just one heart-change away from experiencing something amazing?

If you ask me, the hardships are a small price to pay for the adventure of being married to a leader of God’s people. Oh sure, I’d like more uninterrupted family time.Yes, I would enjoy not having to pinch every penny, and he could make far more money doing something else. Of course I’d love to be able to sit with my husband in church. Some days it’d be really nice to blend in with everyone else. But who wants to just be normal, anyway?

When I was a newlywed, one wise older pastor’s wife told me that her dearest friend was married to a doctor. She said they could relate in ways that other women didn't comprehend. Both shared their husbands with large audiences. Both endured time alone at home while the men worked unusual hours. Both had learned how to cook and entertain groups in their homes because of their husbands' jobs - not because they naturally loved being a hostess. Both had fallen in love with men of influence who lived to serve other people.

Every woman married to a man of influence has unique duties that come with her role. Senators' wives. Lawyers' wives. Executives' wives. Doctors' wives. And yes, pastors' wives too.

How often do you stop to think of your husband as a “man of influence”? How often do you treat him with honor? The health of your marriage depends greatly on how you express your support to this man you chose to marry. Sure, he could do something horrid that would destroy your relationship, but so can you. Steady nagging or silent antagonism over his pastoral identity will erode your marriage just as surely as something big and flamboyant like adultery.

You are the wife of an influential man.

Even if he’s young. Even if he’s quiet. Even if he sometimes forgets that you (and your kids) should be his top priority. Next time you see him walk through the door, pause a moment and just look at him. Remind yourself that this man is called by God.

It's that very calling that makes your husband different, special. It’s what makes him the man you love.

How much is that worth to you?

A familysplintered by feuding will fall apart. Mark 3:25 (NLT)

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.


CASTING CALL::photo blogger

>> October 14, 2011

We want to make CLUTCH a bit more multi-media - so we're opening a casting call for a PW photo blogger. I (Sarah) adore photography, but I just don't have the time. So here's a chance for one of you to share what life as a PW is like, through the lens of your camera.

Here's the skinny:
- send one photo a week, with a caption
- take photos that are somehow related to what your life is like as a PW
- photos could be taken with a great camera, or could be done with your iPhone, style
- OR, we would be open to accepting two photographers, one to do a photo column with DSLR pictures, and the other to do an style diary.

Interested? Email us at clutchtalk (at) gmail (dot) com. Tell us who you are, and include a link so that we can see some of your photography online. Or attach some of your favorite photographs.

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.


free to be me: just right for him

>> October 13, 2011

Being a Pastor's Wife looks different for every woman. Some PW's are stay at home mommy's, some have careers, some work on church staff; some have independent ministries and travel, many endless scenarios.

Genesis 2:18 It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him. (NLT)

Did you know that God made you "Just Right" for your husband?

  • If you got married and he was already in ministry, you are just right.
  • If you got married when he was in seminary, you are just right.
  • If you got married and he went into the ministry after 10 years, you are just right.
It might not feel like it at times, but you are "just right" for him. The unique gifting and call that God has placed on your life is there to compliment your husband as well as fulfill your mandate and assignment from on high. God placed you all together like a perfectly matched puzzle piece that when separate, it can function, but when together it fits just right and is powerfully part of a bigger picture.

Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart. I appointed you....(NIV)

One objective of the enemy is to have you question your self-worth, your impact around you, your place in the ministry and life. If he can keep you guessing instead of walking in confidence he has you where he wants you.

God wants you in a position where you can say "I am Free to be Me"; meaning it and liking who you are. If you don't like who you are, ask the Lord to change you. Seek Him and His ways instead of remaining frustrated. Allow yourself permission to begin to change. Ask the Holy Spirit what is your will for MY life? You created me, show me how to best operate and function. Ask the Holy Spirit to strengthen you so that the resolve he has placed within you is stronger than any excuse you can come up with. The bible says in 2 Corinthians 2:10...when I am weak, then am I strong. We are strong because our strength comes from the Lord.

My prayer for you today is that you can stand tall and say, "I am Free to be Me". Thriving and operating in all God has destined for you.

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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appreciating your pastor: from the heart of the pastor’s wife

>> October 12, 2011

Ladies ~ allow me to introduce you to Amy Hickman. She serves along side her husband Jeff at Life Song Church in Lyman, SC. I asked her if I could feature a part of her blog post

This is what she said.....

October has been dubbed, “Pastor Appreciation Month,” but for me, the wife of a Pastor, I’ve learned the importance of appreciating my pastor husband everyday. The Scripture is full of mandates and encouragement to honor, respect, esteem, and pray for our pastors/leaders. It is, for me, one thing to love and support my pastor simply because he’s my husband, but quite another to esteem and respect his leadership as a major contributor to my spiritual growth apart from what he already does to spiritually lead our home. My husband has been my pastor for 15 of the 17 years we have been married, and over the years, there are some specific things I’ve learned show him great appreciation as my pastor.

*Pray for him. This may seem so obvious, but it’s what makes or breaks our pastors. Why? It is not simply that we pray, but rather what we pray. My prayer for my pastor is that God keep him clean and close. Satan seeks to fire darts at this man of God as often as he can get to him. Praying your pastor stays clean and close in his relationship with God is his protection from attack, moral failure, depression, along with a host of other attempts to discourage him…BUT, it’s also a contributor to seeing him soar. Pray for your pastor!

*Love and respect him.
This is absolutely no different than what I pray for him as his wife, but it is also so important for me to do as someone under his leadership.

Be responsive to your pastoral leaders. Listen to their counsel. They are alert to the condition of your lives and work under the strict supervision of God. Contribute to the joy of their leadership, not its drudgery. Why would you want to make things hard er for them? Hebrews 13:17 MSG

One of the best ways I can respect and listen to him is to do it in joy. Constant complaining, negativity and “cup half full-ness” is not helping, but rather hindering, him soar as a leader. We won’t always agree…no one does, but I can follow him regardless of not agreeing by esteeming him. It is sad to see in many churches that people identify themselves with just where they go to church, and in turn make the life of the pastor miserable by disrespecting his leadership. Support your pastor and love him. Love covers everything.

*Don’t just be hearers, but be doers.
When we believe in a pastor’s vision that God has uniquely given him, we appreciate our pastors when we do our part to fulfill the vision. I don’t know of a better way to appreciate your pastor than to take his passion and make it your pa
ssion. Together this will change lives and that’s when we see souls saved and changed.

“Along the same lines, the Master directed that those who spread the Message be supported by those who believe the Message.” 1 Corinthians 9:14 MSG

Believe in your pastor’s vision, and support him by seeing that vision come to life!


© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
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GIVE AWAY: marriage bible

>> October 11, 2011

I am excited to announce, today we are giving away a Thomas Nelson Marriage Bible. It’s always great to have a new bible in the house to reference from, study with and use.

Remembering to keep our marriages a priority is a must. The effects trickle down to family as well as our church family. The demands of life and life in the ministry keep us busy and can be draining. I encourage you stay in the Word. Cover your husband and children with prayer and the Word of God.

The Family Life Bible has articles and insights by Denis and Barbara Rainey. Inside you will find the following features:

· Devotions for Couples
· Romance tips, quotes and notes
· Parenting Matters – articles on raising children God’s way
· Biblical Insights articles, Topical Index
· Family Manifesto - biblical model of a Godly family
· 8-page Family Tree presentation section

We love you ladies and want you to grow and stay filled up as you reach your full potential in all God has called you to do and be.

Greatness is inside of you! As God’s Leading Ladies you have been placed in a position of influence. I encourage you to embrace it and allow the love of God to permeate through you as you love the people God has called you to in your city.

To register:

Like us on Facebook

Follow us on twitter
(if you are on – if you are not no worries)

Leave us your name, church name and city you are from; so we can pray for you.

Winner will be announced on Tuesday, October 18th.

@ CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
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PMS WEEK:: mentorship tips

>> October 7, 2011


1. Do your homework. Find out who mentors the person you are interested in asking to be your mentor.
2. Have a plan. Be clear on what you are expecting out of the relationship and where you want to grow to.
3. If you are doing group mentoring, or instruction based training, get as much information and resources, specific to your needs as you can. Don't be shy and especially if your paying for it, speak up. Many times the speaker is reading the audience and will go in the direction of questions.
4. Do take risks in your relationship, don't be afraid of disclose. Your hurt can only turn into a scar when it's been healed. Sometimes one word, one sentence, one highlight from scripture interpretation can set you on the right track.
5. Always asks for best practices. Implementing them will save you time, energy and heartache.
6. Mentoring gives you accountability, embrace it.


In Spring of 2012, CLUTCHtalk will be bringing to you CLUTCHtalk mentoring groups. Additional information to come. If you are interested in leading a CLUTCHtalk mentoring group, email

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.


PMS WEEK:: mentorship can transform your life (part 2)

>> October 6, 2011

We've established that mentoring makes you a better you. There are various types of mentoring to engage in. I've listed a few below.
  • One-on-One Mentoring
  • Group Mentoring
  • Training-Based Mentoring
  • Executive Mentoring
Mentoring is a process of the experienced advising the inexperienced. Instructional based counseling given from real-life experience. Most mentors love mentoring, it's self fulfilling, their way of giving back. Some mentoring relationships that begin are intentional, others are naturally developed as a relationship evolves. It IS okay to ask someone to be your mentor as well. Be clear on what you are expecting from the relationship, but never be afraid. A good mentor often flows with the power of suggestion. Not making decisions for you, but throwing suggestions on the table of how they would handle it, have handled it or potential for your existing situation.

Mentoring has personally transformed my life. My husband and I purchased our first home when we were 19 & 20 years old, that's young homeowners for you in the 90's. Wouldn't of happened without a mentor. By the time I was 21, I was in a managerial position making more money annually then some men made to support their families of four. Definately, would not have happened without a mentor. My corporate mentoring began at age 17, (graduated-early birthday). Mentoring coupled with God's favor took me to Executive level work by my mid twenties, I was ramping up, expanding and managing companies with local, national and global cliental.

All the while my life as a Pastor's Wife suffered. I wasn't typical or traditional by the slightest and did I mention for the majority of my church life I had a female pastor. So I never saw one modeled with the exception of when I was a child and frankly she was an overbearing terror and hurt a lot of people back then. I didn't know how to be a supportive ministry wife. I knew how to co-labor with my husband because it came natural but all the in's and out's of ministry, then life in the ministry with children. Ha, ha, I learned first and did the best I could. In 2003, I found my first Pastor's Wife mentor. She was our new Senior Pastor's wife. Our relationship taught me so much. Over the years, I have added other mentors as our personal network grew. The best gift they have given me, is the gift of best practices. Every PW goes through different seasons. It was different before we had the boys, when they were infants, toddlers and now pre-school and 1st grade.

I continue to grow my sphere of mentors and especially with a new church where we are the founding pastors. Mentoring never ends. Your mentor may change, but please keep receiving mentoring.

Tomorrow we will have a list of different resources for you. A place to start and reach out to find yourself a mentor!

And you know, a side note, maybe you are ready to be a mentor. Your life experiences count for more then what you may think. There are people out there waiting to hear your voice!

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.


PMS WEEK:: mentorship can transform your life (part 1)

>> October 5, 2011

Mentoring is our PMS topic of the week. Did you realize mentoring is relational and coaching is functional? Both are different yet tend to cross lanes?

I thought about writing the difference between coaching and mentoring. Then I thought I'd break down compatibility vs. comparability. Later I brainstormed I could elaborate on how to find a mentor, what to look for in a mentor and how to be a good mentoree. Instead, I decided to tell you stories, true stories and we'll cover the other details tomorrow in part 2.

(names have been changed)

Mike and Emily have been married three years. In three years their credit score has gone from excellent to no one will lend you a dollar. They lost their home, they drive a not so new car and their financial world came crumbling down when Mike accepted a position at a church and well, never got paid. After month one, the salary was suppose to be dispersed and it didn't come. Behind one bill here then there, then it turned into a mudslide. Mike didn't want to verbally slam the Pastor but at the same time his financial world was falling a part. Mike and Emily felt like failures, how could they be following God and this happens. He obviously had to quit and find another position else where but as you are going through an ugly process especially where money and people are involved it's very hard. Emily reached out to her mentor because she began to grow resentful of the money and ministry situation. A lot of times when you are walking through a situation, you need a corner man. Someone to look in from the outside and tell you what they see. Emily was willing to disclose, that means overcoming trust barriers, self branding complex, and reach out for help. Emily reaching out, helped save her marriage, their finances and their ministry.

Janie Joe was married to Johnny Jacobs. Together they looked so happy, but in reality they had mastered the art of being fake. Janie Joe and Johnny Jacobs really hated each other. The thought of one another made them sick. They stayed together because it was easy. I believe he said and I quote "It is cheaper to keep her." Every week he'd man the pulpit and week after week the congregation would decline. He finally was consumed with anger all the time. He'd verbally lash out at Janie Joe and the kids. Finally at a breaking point Janie Joe reached out to a mentor. Someone who had walked in the ministry shoes she walked in. They offered prayer, and became actively involved in helping restore this couple. But what if Janie Joe had a mentor from the on set. What could have been.....

Jack and Susie are planting a church. They have no funds and have used his last paycheck to start the church. They are definitely called but their strategy for taking their city is not aligned correctly. They have a great heart and good intentions. For six years, their church plant struggled. Their core team quite after the first two years, they simply were unable to get it up. Should they have had network support, the opportunity to learn from other leaders experiences how different would their life have been? Six years, eight years later they are still in the boat of beginning stages.

These are just tiny pieces to huge, long, three hour stories. But I want to convey to you the need for a mentor. We all have our own stories. Some super easy and fun, others rough and rugged. Tomorrow we will cover how to find a mentor? What to expect and a few other key points.

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.


PMS WEEK::mentoring can be scary

>> October 4, 2011

Yes, we know, the idea of finding a mentor can be daunting. But the idea of living out ministry without a support network is scary too.

Finding a mentor, and accepting mentorship, requires a certain sense of humility. An acknowledgement that you don't actually know everything. A willingness to trust.

And then there's the flip side. No matter how long you've been a PW - odds are that someone you'll meet is even less experienced. So are you brave enough to share what you've learned? Are you honest and open enough to pass on the lessons God has given you so far, in a spirit of sweetness and understanding, to someone who might benefit?

Titus 2 tells us that it is important for older women to train younger women (or, in the PW case, more experienced women to mentor those less experienced), so that "they will not bring shame on the word of God." (Titus 2:5, NLT)

Ever thought about it that way? Mentorship can help us avoid bringing shame to God. We might learn something from someone else's story that would keep us from making innocent mistakes. Or another PW might be able to help us wrestle through something not so accidental.

Either way, it's worth it!


© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.


PMS WEEK::the mistake of going it alone

>> October 3, 2011

Life alone is tough. Especially as a pastor's wife.

"I'm not alone!" you say? "I have my family, my husband, my friends..." 

Okay, fine. Maybe you have a thriving social life. But that's not really what we're talking about. We're talking about mentorship. To whom do you go when you can't figure something out? Which sources do you probe for ministry answers? 

Do you just get the opinions of your friends? Or your siblings? Or your parents? Maybe they will have very wise counsel, but odds are - unless they are also pastor's wives, they won't be able to understand the whole story.

So it's important to seek out mentors who can be there when we need to pray, need to cry, need to receive counsel or process through an issue we are facing.

Do you have a mentor? Have you wished you did? This week we'll talk more about it.

© CLUTCH, 2009-2011 unless otherwise sourced.
Use allowed by express written permission only.
Tweets, trackbacks, and link sharing encouraged.

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