guest blog: why it's hard to be my friend

>> February 9, 2009

Being married to a pastor and balancing my friendships is a tricky thing. One thing I have been thinking about a lot lately is my friendships with other women. I love my friends. I adore them. I wish I could spend hour after hour with them just hanging out.

There has to be a lot of grace given and taken in these relationships. My life is never the same day to day or week to week. The times Rob is home with me and the girls is "retreat" time. It's time to back away from people, regroup, reorganize, and rethink. Before all that happens, we just need quiet. At the end of most days, Rob and I are just quiet. We're tired. People can be draining. You and I both know that trying to save the world is hard!

I can't tell you how many appointments I have had to cancel or reschedule because of Rob's schedule. I've had to reschedule breakfast with the same friend 10 times or more. Does she get mad? Nope. Grace has grown in our friendship over time.

Have I lost friends because of this? Yep, more than have stayed around. They did not like it very much that family, marriage, and ministry were so time-consuming; Not only time-consuming, but energy-consuming as well. When I looked at them and said, "I am so sorry, we just cannot put our kids with another babysitter tonight. " they packed up, left, and never came back. Ouch.

But, the friendships that have lasted these 16 years of ministry are the strongest and best I could ever ask for. These are the friendships I pray you will have. If you don’t have a friend that will stick around despite the craziness of your life, pray for God to send you one. He will. It might not be tomorrow, but He will.

Michelle Wegner lives in Indiana where her PH, Rob, is a pastor at Granger Community Church. She has 3 girls, 2 dogs and a great blog.


Cindy Beall February 9, 2009 at 8:40 AM  

I know how you feel, but mine is a little more like trying to figure out who is my friend because of me or because of who I'm married to. That's a tough one but eventually the motive comes out.

Great post!

Jenni February 9, 2009 at 12:14 PM  

Ladies thanks for sharing. My husband has only been in full time ministry for less than 2 years and I am finding it does change relationships. That can be hard. I agree your true friends hang in there and not be your friend because of your influence on the pastor.

Michelle Wegner February 9, 2009 at 1:34 PM  

I had an almost funny (if it weren't so sadly true) experience like that this week. Unfortunately for this friend, the motive did come out, and boy was it ugly! sheesh... pretty crazy.

Sandra February 9, 2009 at 2:02 PM  

I love that you mention grace- what an important quality in all friendships, but especially for PW and our friends. Thanks for reminding us that every gift comes from the Lord, including real friends!

Becky February 9, 2009 at 6:54 PM  

Thank you for this post. It's a good reminder that I'm not alone in my perceptions of this role. It's a great place to be, but there are times that its lonely because its difficult to have close friends when you're in the ministry!

dpm February 9, 2009 at 7:20 PM  

I've found that my best friends and allies have been those who have been my friends for years...people i grew up with, went to college with or met at work before I was married. Unfortunately, most of them live a long distance away so it's not easy to hang with them on a regular basis. At the same time, I don't have to balance my family life, husband's ministry life, and their friendships because of it. I have found it difficult to make real friendships since we've lived in California. I've been blaming "California people" instead of the ministry quirks though. :-)

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