PMS: supporting your very human pastor husband

>> August 3, 2009

It's PMS week again girls, and this month we're talking about giving our Pastor Husbands (PHs) support.

Anyone who is married knows that giving real biblical support to your husband is a tough assignment. You know, the respect & submit to your husband as the head of the marriage part of things. (And no, I didn't make this up - read Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 if you're a little fuzzy on the scriptural details.)

But giving that kind of support to your husband, WHILE LIVING IN THE FISHBOWL? That can make the privilege of being a wife seem almost impossible. I mean, if it is our God-given role to:

  • support this man,
  • to build him up,
  • to remind him of his calling to serve,
  • to give him freedom to fulfill that calling,
  • to affirm him to his face and to others,
  • to encourage his church to trust him and follow his leadership,
  • and to make him feel like a king in the home....
uhhh, just who exactly are we free to vent to when we're mad?

You know how it goes. It's been a horrid day, your very human PH did something stupid (or that you just plain don't agree with), and you need a sounding board.

If you call your mom, she'll get mad at your husband just to support you.

If you call his mom, she'll get mad at you for NOT supporting him.

If you call a friend outside your congregation who isn't a PW, she probably won't understand what you're going through.

If you call a friend inside the congregation, they may not always keep it to themselves.

If you call a fellow PW (or two or three), she'll probably understand and can likely commiserate - but you're almost guaranteed to transition from healthy venting into a good old-fashioned husband-bashing fest. Which brings relief in the short-term... but afterward you feel a little sick inside because now this other person outside your marriage knows too much detail about your husband's private flaws.

(NOTE: We're not talking about getting help from abuse, or seeking confidential mentorship and advice for serious issues here.)

So how do we maintain our sanity as women married to wonderful but very human men of God - while supporting, respecting, loving, and honoring them?

Let's talk about it.

4 comments:

Indy August 3, 2009 at 8:16 PM  

Talk to God about it...always pray for him.

LaVonne August 4, 2009 at 3:49 AM  

Of course talk to God, but sometimes it does help to talk with a trusted friend outside your circle (or home church). Not to bash but to at least share your feelings. I realize that I need more of those people in my life.

Anonymous,  August 5, 2009 at 12:44 PM  

I just finished a book called "Lord, Heal My Hurts" by Kay Arthur and one of the first things it teaches is that we are to run to our Lord and Savior first and foremost with our hurts, pains, worries, everything. He is the only one who can bring true healing. I have begun to practice this and it's amazing how much peace comes from this truth.

L. Saucier August 24, 2009 at 8:46 PM  

I have a person I can go to who used to be a PW and is absolutely amazing at not taking sides. She even prompts me to consider what I can change about myself instead of what I can change about my PH.

There are also those things that I don't share with anyone else, but I am free to pour out my heart to my God, who always listens and answers at least some of my requests the way I want.

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