PMS: 10 ways to give your PH amazing support

>> August 6, 2009

Here's the bookend to this week's earlier (humorous) post about ways to make sure nobody thinks your husband can do his job. This one is actually serious.

Try these, and your husband will not only love you forever, but his congregation will love him too. And most likely his pastoral career will blossom beyond his imagination. All thanks to you - his loving and adoring wife. (Well, at least his supportive and honoring wife, even if there are a few days when you question both his sanity and yours.) But hey, that's just part of being human, and being married.

  1. Let his little mistakes go unnoticed. Others may not even have caught them, so avoid humiliating him by pointing them out.
  2. Keep the cute anecdotes about his idiotic moments as private jokes between just the two of you.
  3. Show up at church. Even if it isn't the church you'd pick if you had a choice, find something to love about it. Be there because he is there,unless you're sick, out of town, or otherwise prevented. Sit near the front if you can (assuming the age of your children allows any sitting at all). Be his biggest fan when he preaches or leads.
  4. When he excels (or takes one of your brilliant suggestions), let people think it was all his idea. He'll feel like a star, and they'll think he's amazing. Most of all, when he does something great - let him know you thought he was fabulous. Let him overhear you bragging on him to someone else.
  5. When he's forgetful or does something stupid, minimize your reaction. Remind him gently if you have to, but try not to him feel like a moron. He probably already feels stupid anyway, no need to rub it in.
  6. Avoid letting people know when you don't agree on church issues. (Not that you can't duke it out at home if you need to, but keep a united front.) When people complain to you, find a way to build him up. Suggest that they approach him directly instead of taking their beef to you. If you secretly agree that your PH is wrong, stay neutral: "Well, I trust that my husband will do whatever he feels is the right thing." If they probe for your personal opinion, try: "Whether my husband or I agree is irrelevant. I believe in his ability to hear God's voice on his own, and I think he'll do what is best."
  7. Never, EVER fight in front of other people. Keep even minor differences of opinion behind closed doors. It's okay to keep your opinion to yourself until you can discuss in private. And when you DO disagree in public, gracefully give him the last word while onlookers are watching. You'll increase their respect for him, and most likely their opinion of you in the process.
  8. Don't point out his failures in front of guests. So what if he sets the table with the fork on the wrong side? At least he's not making you do it alone! And if the dishes were stacked in the dishwasher all wrong... suggest a better way to do it later - after the company has left.
  9. Avoid making fun of him in front of friends - both his friends AND yours. His antics might make them howl with laughter, but he can feel like you're belittling his masculinity or leadership. If something seems innocent, check with him before broadcasting the tale.
  10. Keep your agitation to yourself. He's guaranteed to make you steam now and then, but everyone else doesn't have to see the smoke coming out your ears. And just because there's an intense "discussion" coming his way doesn't mean the whole world has to know. Let some things stay private, really private.
Of course, this doesn't mean that you NEVER have conflict. But try letting your marital journey exist inside its own sacred circle without the congregation's prying eyes.

These tips might be specially worded for PWs, but they aren't necessarily new or earth-shaking. Wise women have known for centuries that they have the almost-exclusive ability to build up their husbands into powerful and confident men, or to tear them down beyond repair.

The proverb "Behind every great man stands a great woman", doesn't exist by accident. The only question is: Will we be those great women?


Anonymous,  August 6, 2009 at 6:01 PM  

I'd like to share a little tidbit that my mom learned as a pastor's wife from one of her mentors.
Take your children (regardless of age) and sit up front. If you sit where there is an easy out, you may never find the creative ways to keep your children well behaved and happy in church.
People notice how the PKs act in church and though it may be rough the first few months, they will learn quickly, like all kids do.
As it says in 1 Timothy 3:12, "A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well."
If this is required of a deacon, how much more a Pastor and his wife.
My mom said it was the best advice she had for raising her three children (that all came within three years) in church.
As a PK, I have seen first hand how many PKs have not had the proper boundaries in church or in home (nor the proper amounts of time with their parents). This has led to very broken lives, both theirs and those they influenced.
As a pastor's family, you represent with such a stronger force the Almighty God. If proper behavior is required of a earthly royal family, how much more for those of us part of God's family.
God promised strength, so be not disheartened, but ask Him to show you how to be a pastor's wife and mother that will honor Him to the utmost.

Anonymous,  August 6, 2009 at 8:51 PM  

I'm not a PW, however, I agree fully with your blog. I feel it wise for all women to stand tall in loving, repecting, and encouraging there husbands. Thank you for your postive suggestions.

April,  August 7, 2009 at 3:18 AM  

Good work! I like all the suggestions. I think my PH would too.

LaVonne August 8, 2009 at 2:36 AM  

Thank you for such great tips. My husband is not a pastor but these tips are worthwhile in most marriages I think.

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