chime in: questions from you (4)
>> March 31, 2009
In a January post we asked for your feedback on what you wanted to chat about. One Anonymous poster asked:
What to do with all the negative comments that your pastor hubby gets, knowing how hard he works and how faithful he is...really gets me sometimes!
What do you say, ladies? Chime in!
Posts
4 comments:
I gripe and fuss privately to friends (outside of the church) who understand me. It hurts. Spouse and I both work hard in the church, but unfortunately, negative comments come. After I'm done fussing, I let it go.
Or at the very least, I tell myself I should. LOL
It's so tough to not just go and defend the man you love most in the world, and set everybody straight! But my biggest lessons learned so far are these:
- my hubby is a big boy, and doesn't need me running to his rescue over every little thing, my hubby needs most for me to be a safe zone for him while letting him fight his own battles
- if someone gripes personally to me, I say "you need to talk directly to him about this - please don't involve me"
- my God is a really big God, and if I get on my knees He can either change the grumpy person's heart, or change mine - and sometimes it takes a long agonizing dialogue with God before there's any shred of forgiveness in my heart, but He can do it if I let Him
My husband is much better at dealing with criticism than I am. Maybe it's a man thing- they duke it out and it's over. :) I still battle over forgiving.
What helps me is just to focus on the truth of Scripture. If my husband is acting (behaving, teaching) according to the Truth, then attacks are going to come, but will not prevail against the Truth.
If it's a more personal attack ("He didn't come see me when I had outpatient surgery six months ago" or "He didn't eat the dessert I brought to the pot-luck"), I just try to give grace. You can't please all the people all the time!
It always helps to talk to another person - friend, mom/dad or close family member. Journal about it or find forums like this or others to share your feelings and thoughts and get feedback. Most of the time we just need to vent and talk it out loud to another person. Forgiving is still hard. And trusting is even more...
And even though our husbands might be better at dealing with criticism they still need our support and understanding, especially when it isn't just a petty thing. Sometimes they might not tell us all the details or comments, but we know them well enough to know when something is really bothering them.
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