when you feel left out...

>> March 9, 2009

In our first church district, we were invited to visit the whopping sum of two homes in the first entire year.

I'd spent countless hours making food, planning small group activities, and otherwise striving to be a gracious (if neither spendthrift nor lavish) hostess. It was important to me to get to know people, and to make them feel welcome and comfortable - even if the housekeeping wasn't always up to snuff.

So here's an opportunity for a bit of rant... Have you ever felt left out? Like everybody at church has a social life but you? Like no matter how gracious you try to be, or how many times you are the hostess, nobody reciprocates?

It used to make me really mad. Angry. Rejected.

Then I realized: they probably have no idea how I feel. And maybe nobody ever taught them the Christian value of hospitality.

So I had to let it go...

How about you?


Lana MacKay March 9, 2009 at 1:50 PM  

Hi. I watch this blog, not because I'm a pastor's wife, but because I admire pastor's wives and believe there are a lot of great insights and golden nuggets I can be blessed with by reading.

From someone who has invited pastor/wife over and been rejected because they can't possibly take every invitation, I would have to say the reason some may not invite you is that they don't want to put you in that position. They know, or assume, you're busy. But reach out and tell them you need to be reached out to. :)

Lily March 9, 2009 at 11:30 PM  

Yes, it hurts my feelings. I try not to let it, but being honest it does hurt a bit-- especially when there is an event involving just about every woman my age- like going out to dinner or out shopping-- and it's clear that I am not invited.

As PW, I'm there to be a friend to them-- but it is rarely reciprocated. We open our home to people, and are not invited in to their homes. I realize as the pastoral family, we are wholly "other" in many people's minds, but sometimes I long for those close relationships other women in the church have with one another. There just seems to be an invisible wall there sometimes.

Erin March 10, 2009 at 9:50 PM  

Lily, I feel that way sometimes too. After over a year of praying, God gave me a wonderful circle of friends in our church. And now, they have all moved away. I am back to the start. I'm praying/waiting about relationships. I struggle with maybe my friendships should be outside my church. I keep in close contact with some wonderful friends from college, seminary and those that have moved away.

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