It's time to chime in! Here's a question from a reader:
"i'm needing some help in the area of not getting along with the other pastor wives on staff - their dedication or lack of for the church & their pastor really is disturbing, upsetting & just makes me full of anger sometimes. help!"
Advice, ladies. Give her some...
Lots of people have house-warmings when they move to a new place. But as a pastoral family, the home is often a place for so much more than mere day-to-day existence.
A pastor's home may be a place for simple quiet meals, dressier dinner parties, or chaotic youth suppers. A place for small groups, bible studies, or counseling. A refuge for those needing somewhere to stay. Our homes often serve as a source of ministry to many outside the immediate family.
Have you ever considered, instead of a regular house-warming party, having a "House Blessing"?
I remember the first time my parents did this. Only a little girl, I still can remember the ceremony. Friends and family gathered in our new house for a meal and a good time. Then we all went from room to room, where a blessing prayer was spoken over the activities of each room.
Afterward, we hung a large framed artistic floor plan of our new home on the wall, with a scripture on the drawing to remind us that our home is also the dwelling of God.
The ceremony profoundly affected me. For the first time I realized that God actually cared about what happened in every room of our house. That he wanted to be part of all our activities, even outside of church and family worship times. That every single room was a place where he lives right there beside us.
Since then, I've particularly appreciated house blessings. It's a way to dedicate every room in our homes to God's service, while celebrating the experiences yet to come.
Have you ever done a house blessing? What rituals or family ceremonies do you have to dedicate a new home to God's presence and service?
As PW's, it seems we often exist only to help others. Meeting their needs, listening to their stories, sharing advice in their context, bringing food to their homes, and so on. And that's all good - after all, it's what we're called to do, right? To serve others selflessly?
But what about when YOU are the one in need? Is it hard for you to accept help when you're so often the one giving it?
The past months have been tough on us for a few reasons - it's the busiest season at church and my husband has had to spend many evenings working late, I'm pregnant and have been quite sick & nauseated for four months, and the week after the baby news his mother was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of leukemia.
Since we've been married, my husband has served as a pastor in four different churches. I've often sent pots of soup or loaves of bread or extra casseroles to members that were sick or grieving.
Until a few weeks ago, no one from our churches has ever done that for us.
At a recent church dinner the subject of my pregnancy came up. I bragged on my PH who has faithfully taken over jobs like cooking and laundry. Since my nausea is most acutely triggered by smells he's had to take control of the entire kitchen.
One woman at the table immediately offered to bring food sometime this week. No offense to her, but I didn't really think it would happen. Lots of people offer to do things, but life often gets in the way of their good intentions. Besides, I'm a PW. I'm used to being the one helping other people - not the other way around.
Two days later, she emailed asking for our address, and to expect her at 6 PM. I was really surprised, and excited (she's a fabulous cook, I already knew that).
She showed up at our door bearing a feast. Scalloped potatoes, roasted butternut squash, seasoned vegetarian chicken, greenbean salad, two kinds of homemade dips with pita and veggie sticks, sliced cucumbers in lemon juice and herbs, lentils, and homemade pumpkin bread for dessert.
Food enough for two days at least - and the PH won't have to lift a finger (except for washing the dishes, of course)!
Her act of service was so kind and undeserved. It really met my love language. I was so overwhelmed with thanks and appreciation that I really didn't know what to say.
How do you react to people serving you? Does it feel weird? Do you need people to notice your needs more than they do?
How can we tactfully but clearly communicate our needs as pastoral families to the congregation?
Recently, Craig Groeschel (senior pastor of lifechurchtv) asked on his blog if pastors are diligent about talking a day off... a sabbath, whose time they seriously and intentionally guard. A time to renew (not necessarily catch up on home errands). Read the post and the comments here. The comments posted were very interesting, and I wondered the whole time what it was like for the PW.
Is not taking a regularly-scheduled day off a problem of an older generation? Is our under-40 crowd more conscious of the need not to overwork, and more mindful of our family's needs?
How do you and your husband regularly unplug from the 24 hr. demands of ministry?
Of course you are. We all are.
Tell us more about you outside of the PW role (answer any or all, but answer!).
What is/was your career?
What is your favorite hobby?
What has been the highlight of your life?
What are you passionate about?
What's something most people don't know about you?
What do you wish most people *got* about you?
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