how do i know?

... if a pattern of spousal abuse is developing?

Abuse takes many faces, just as abusers and victims are many different types of people. However, there are certain stages in the cycle of abuse that may happen to a spouse or child, in a religious or non-religious atmosphere, in the home of a church member or even the pastor.

According to Hope for the Family, a Christian abuse resource:



WARNING SIGNS OF DATING/DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Does your partner:

• Insult you in public and private?
• Check up on where youÍve been and whom youÍve talked to?
• Put down your friends and family?
• Limit where you can go and what you can do?
• Destroy your belongings?
• Tell you jealousy is a sign of love?
• Touch you in a way that hurts your or scares you?

THE 3 STAGE CYCLE OF ABUSE
STAGE 1:
TENSION BUILDING:

The abuser is irritated by trivial matters, is verbally abusive, jealous and makes irrational accusations. The victim may internalize appropriate anger and have tension, anxiety, depression, headaches or other symptoms. Eventually minor episodes of violence increase, such as pinching, slapping or shoving.

STAGE 2: 
ACUTE BATTERING:

This explosion of anger and violence can last for hours or even weeks. It is the most dangerous stage, and may even result in murder. The victim may or may not fight back. She finds herself in a state of physical and psychological shock.

STAGE 3: 
LOVING RECONCILIATION:

A "cooling off" period, also known as the "Honeymoon" stage. Both parties are relieved that "it is over", and the relationship improves. The abuser is sorry and fearful his partner will leave him. He becomes attentive, romantic and promises to change. This stage lasts days to weeks, before the cycle repeats.

Does this sound like your life or the life of a friend?