In a recent post we asked you what you wanted to talk about. Reader Lauren asked:
I have been dating a pastor for a year and a half. Does anyone have anything they wished they would have known before going in?
So, what do you say, ladies? What do you wish someone would have told you?
This is the final installment in a series of posts by PH Trevan Osborn. Read his other 2 posts, here and here.
You are your husband’s greatest asset in the church. At least, you can and should be. There’s no doubt that in my church, my wife has been a great help in breaking down barriers with people who I’d have a hard time reaching and revealing a heart for ministry all members should have. The church probably won’t shed a tear when I’m gone but the same can’t be said for my wife. They love her.
The best thing she has done is found her place to serve in the church. She co-leads our hospitality team and helps out in other ministries when possible. She hasn’t accepted all the roles people have tried to place on her but she’s serving in a meaningful way that everyone has noticed.
There is a new generation of PWs, who frankly, can’t sing, play piano, or lead women’s ministry as has traditionally been expected. I’m not asking you to become that and by all means, don’t allow the church to dump all kinds of ministry in your lap. However, your service, or lack thereof, has a huge impact on how members perceive not only your husband but the church as a whole.
Find your unique niche in ministry and serve with commitment and passion. It’s not just important for helping you husband’s ministry, but will strengthen your own spiritual experience.
What ministry are you serving in now? Have you felt too much pressure to serve? How have you helped the church have realistic expectations? Anyone out there taking a rebellious stand when it comes to serving, and not serving simply because it's expected?
If I announced that I just found out that I'm pregnant with twins, would you forgive me for not posting anything on the blog since Monday?
We have lots of great posts coming up. Stay tuned. We're getting back on track....
Remember Follow the Leader, the elementary school game where the leader does something and the followers mimic? The object of the game is to simply follow the leader and not do your own thing.
As a pastor’s wife I learned the importance of following the leader. Early in our ministry I attempted to tell my husband how to proceed. This caused problems in our marriage. I could not comprehend why he did not appreciate my suggestions. After all, I was only trying to help him. I told him, “I am on your side. I want to see you succeed.”
I did not realize that my numerous suggestions caused him to feel as if I had no confidence in his ability. He felt disrespected. Ephesians 5:33 says the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. The most significant thing I have learned as a pastor’s wife is following his leadership makes him feel respected. The last thing he needs is to feel his own wife is not confident in his leadership. Through prayer and learning to trust God I was convicted that I should simply pray over my concerns and watch the Lord lead my husband.
So I began focusing on his strengths and not his weaknesses. I also learned to listen and not offer up my opinion unless it was sought. This strengthened our marriage, and he began to open up to me and seek my opinion more. In humility, I also learned that giving my opinion did not mean he had to act on it. The most important lesson I learned was that when he chose, as the leader, to go in a direction I disagreed with, I needed to pray for God’s will and submit to his leadership and follow.
In what ways have you learned to submit to your husband's leadership, in spite of your differing opinions? What other hard lessons have you learned in your PW journey?
Felicia Thomas is a writer, teacher, mom, and an avid reader. She is also involved with the choir, children, youth and women’s ministry at True Fellowship Baptist Church in Katy, TX, where her husband Henry is the founding pastor. You can join Felicia in conversation about Christian education and women’s issues at www.feliciathomas.com.
Life is busy. Crazy busy.
At least my life is. (This is Sarah blogging here.) And in the past few months I've been slowly and reluctantly realizing something about myself.
I've plateaued. I've kinda quit learning new stuff. Aaaargh!
You have to understand - I'm a nerd. My whole life, I always LOVED school. Every term, I got this weird thrill from cracking open brand new textbooks and wondering what amazing things I was going to learn THIS time around. (In elementary school, I would flip immediately to the very back of the book, stare in awe at how advanced the assignments were, and run to my mother in tearful panic about how I'd never be able to learn it all. I did this every single semester. But I digress.)
So when I finished grad school a few years ago, my brain took a self-imposed and well-deserved break from learning. I didn't read books. I didn't listen to language tapes. I didn't practice musical instruments. I literally went into this mental hibernation zone.
And last autumn, I realized that I've been avoiding learning ever since. Of course, I've had to process at my job and figure out how to drive around new towns. But does that really count?
I feel the results, too. My memory ain't what it used to be. I forget where I put things, and can't recall phone numbers. Last November I went back to Russia (where I lived as a missionary kid in my teens), and this language that I used to speak sounded so familiar - but I couldn't remember what the words meant.
I'm thinking I need a new plan. Life has this way of running away with me, and I'm beginning to miss the joy of learning. Of self-expansion. Of challenging my brain to be sharper and more attentive. Of pushing past the status quo.
My solution:
- replaced the magazines by the toilet with a brain teaser book
- switched out some of my funkier music for the classical I used to listen to when studying violin a couple of decades ago (it really does stimulate the brain!)
- we designated one night a week as TV night, and now the rest are for reading/games/relaxation or other pursuits
- pulled out my needlework basket
- bought a set of colored pencils (i used to love coloring detailed pictures), but haven't found any great coloring books yet, so maybe that doesn't count...
I'm still thinking about what else I can do... maybe take a painting class? (I totally stink at painting and drawing, but maybe I could learn.) Maybe I'll attend that rag quilt workshop at the church. Maybe I'll get some Italian language CDs and play them while cooking - I've always wanted to learn a little Italian. (Prooowwww!)
What do you do to keep growing? Do you read? Do you take crafts classes? Are you in a book club or something similar? Do you practice an instrument? Teach a course?
How are you expanding the noggin God gave you?
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