If you and your PH are planning on attending Catalyst West Coast, there's going to be a lunch gathering for PWs hosted by Lori Wilhite and Lucretia Noble. It's going to be a blast and I'm so mad that I can't be there... so close, yet so far away.
Here are all the details. Please RSVP. And if you're going, we want to hear all about it! Take pictures!
THE BASICS
Husband: Travis
Family: Caleb (4 1/2), Taite (2)
Occupation: WAHM (I am a full time mother but also run my own photography/graphic business from home. It works well because I can do my job during the boys naps or at night.. as well as schedule shoots around my husbands clock.)
Church: West End Baptist Church in Williamston NC - (site under construction)
THE INTERVIEW
How long have you been married? 6 years
How did you meet? We met at my church in Matthews, NC. I was 16, he was 23. He was the interim youth/children's pastor for that summer. The moment I saw him I thought "Wow... it be nice to have a man like him..." Not just regarding looks... but his maturity and love for the Lord..
How long have you been a PW? Since we were married. So 6 years.
What is something you wish church members knew or understood about you (or your family)? That I am still young... and at times feel very intimidated to be a pastors wife. I feel like people think I should have it all together all the time because I am a pastors wife... I can't even begin to name all the looks and rolled eyes I've gotten from previous church members... regarding my children... regarding my looks... my actions, etc.
I want our church to understand the pressures a pastors wife feels some days... and to just love and respect us despite a moved chair in the nursery or child's tantrum.
What is your favorite way to partner with your husband in ministry? I love it when we can take the kids and go visit shut-ins... there are so many members of our church who would LOVE to be there for worship... but can't. They are trapped in nursing homes, alone.. and I just think it brings them such joy when we come to visit. Even if our kids touch every single thing in their room, it's still a great time... and an awesome opportunity to teach our children to serve as well.
What's the hardest thing about being a PW? Trying not to worry so much what others think or say about you and your family. Also being extra careful to remain blameless and not offend.
What are some of the perks of being married to a pastor? He can make his own schedule to a degree. :) With his office being within walking distance... if I have an emergency I can almost always find him. Plus, it's kind of fun being able to look on that pulpit every Sunday and think, "he's mine" hehehe.
In what ways would you still like to grow in your role as a PW? I'd love to become more confident in the area of teaching. I really struggle in that area. I find I can serve in ways ... such as remodel a nursery by painting a mural and organizing it... Or I can put together a great website for our church or help with the photography in the church directory... But when it comes to teaching I really struggle.
I hope that maybe once my kids are older and I have more freedom that I can do this more.
What are some techniques or resources you've found that have enriched your quiet time with God? Right now I am reading a book called While They Were Sleeping: 12 Character Traits for Moms to Pray
Do you network with other pastor's wives? How? Before moving to Williamston we moved from Northern Ohio. While living in Ohio I really struggled to find someone I really connected with. I, at the time, was really young (21), and felt I didn't have much in common with those around me. I felt very secluded at times and many days, very lonely.
When we moved from Ohio, though, I began to really pray about this... and prayed that the Lord would bring at least one friend in my life that I could connect with.
Before we even moved to Williamston we found out an old roommate of my husbands was living 12 miles from the church. He was a pastor in the town over. Within a month of living in Williamston we connected with this family, and now almost a year and a half later we see them weekly. Kelly and I have become great friends, our children are the same ages, we understand each other a lot because we are both young pastors wives in southern churches. It has been just a true answer to prayer and I am so thankful for it.
Kelly and I have since connected with many other pastors wives in our area. All of which we are so very thankful for.
We get to enjoy chatting on the phone, exchanging emails, meeting up for story time at the local library, lunch at Wendy's, park play dates and even ladies night out! :) The Lord knew just what I needed.
How do you help your kids deal with the pressures of being pastor's kids? Well, my kids are still kind of young. Caleb isn't yet 5 and Taite is 2. So I haven't really had to help them deal with too much. The one thing, though, that I find does help my children is to be involved. Caleb who isn't even 5 has sat with me in worship since he was 2. I really felt that keeping him in worship would be a great benefit. It would not only teach him to SIT, it would also teach him about worship. He has already started asking questions about the offering plate... why people go up to pray... why we pass around a plate full of grape juice and crackers... haha... He is going to learn and benefit SOOO MUCH from this..
I do pray our children learn to be respectful and kind... and that when others judge them more than others in the church, that they'd know the Word and how we are supposed to respond.
What are some ways that you manage alone with your kids during church services or other functions when your husband is "on"? I have backpacks for my boys. Inside those I try to pack quiet things for them to do while in worship. Books are great... a toy car (as long as they don't bang it on the pew or hymnal) ... Also encouraging them to do well for a piece of gum works sometimes. :)
Currently, though, if I have to keep BOTH with me in a worship service... I often have to leave. As much as I don't want to leave, I would rather leave than take away from someone's time in worship. I don't mind sitting in the nursery occasionally.
In what ways do you think things are different for our generation of pastor's wives? I think this generation is a lot more relaxed. Had I lived 25 years ago and walked into a church with flipflops on and jeans... I may of been in a bit of trouble. :)
Now, though, I am able to roam the town with my boys in "very casual" clothing... without the worries of what others may think, to a degree. I am very casual and I believe in being totally real and transparent. I want to be myself... and I think for me to not dress casual would be fake.
I remember as a young girl going to church Sunday morning.... seeing all these women in proper dress... fancy clothes... and often times feeling left out and cheap. My family wasn't RICH by any means and therefore I didn't have all the fancy clothing. When I'd go to worship dressed LESS than worthy (in their eyes), I felt less of a person... and hated going.
I stopped going to church when I was around 13 because of this... and lived 2 years without church. I, of course, wasn't saved at the time. Now as an adult I really want to make those around me comfortable...
In what areas of ministry do you feel passionate about? I feel very passionate in reaching out to the lost families in our church... not so much the YOUNG families.. but any family that is unchurched... I do photography around our town. Many of the families I photograph are unchurched... Some of the sweetest couples I meet don't even step foot into church, are completely and totally lost. My prayer is that we can reach them... I pray the Lord uses my business as a window to those families.
I am also passionate about those teens who have lost parents, yet still come to church alone... or moms who have lost husbands...
What is the most meaningful thing you do to support your husband? Pray for him, encourage him... support him.
Do you have any PW mentors? A few. My Pastors wife back in Charlotte, NC., Debbie Whitener, also my friend Kelly, Casey Cooper (the pastors wife I served with in Ohio), Sherre Ungar (My friends pastors wife in FL), and Tara Dew (Wake Forest pastors Wife).
What valuable lessons have you learned as a PW? To not judge :) and to not worry what others think...especially when it is in regards to something silly.
How do you fit the traditional/stereotypical role of a PW? In what ways do you break the mold? I am far from traditional...I think I'm a good mix. :) I knew I didn't fit the mold when almost everyone I told I was a Pastors wife was surprised :) Not because of how I acted (I wasnt acting wrongly)... but because of my age (Im 25 but I look 19), and also my personality. I also have a tattoo! :-\ eek!
What are you reading? Besides the Word and the book mentioned above... thats about it! I am so busy right now with being a mom, keeping up a house, and running my business... that there isnt much time to read. I do read a lot of children's books to my kids though! One of their favorites right now is called Babar and the Succotash Bird
What's playing on your ipod?
JJ Heller - Painted Red
Jaime Soles - for the kids :) - great artist, we own almost all his cds, the kids LOVE THEM!
How do you like to spend your husband's day off? I try to always sleep in :) We like to go to the park with the kids and picnic...Maybe take a trip to the big city (aka Greenville)... go to TARGET (I love me some Target), and then maybe Chick-fil-A so the kids can enjoy an indoor play area for once (our town has none).
My best advice...
Bring everything before the Cross.
Don't try and be someone you're not.
Remember who you answer to... not what everyone else says.
Support and love your husband.
Cherish your kids...
And never cease sharing the good news of Christ!
Check out Andrea's blog, Uniquely Placed where you can also get a glimpse of her fabulous photography. Have questions for Andrea? Ask away...
Read more...I've been thinking a lot about Sarah's posts on forgiveness and have generally been feeling smug that I don't harbor intense animosity toward anyone...but then I got to thinking... it's not in my personality to seethe for weeks, months and years and fight and confront. My blood doesn't boil for more than 15 minutes. You know what I do instead? I ignore. I write my foes off like they never existed. I de-friend them on facebook (ha ha). When his/her name comes up, I roll my eyes. I'm done. I've moved on. But that's not forgiveness! Walking on the other side of the street is not forgiveness. Ignoring emails and phone calls is not forgiveness. Tolerating is not forgiveness. Fake smiling is not forgiveness.
I feel like I need to make a list of people who've I've decided to feel indifferent about because they did something hurtful, mean or just plain obnoxious. I need to pray over that list (and God knows that in my heart, I don't want to). What do I do with these relationships? Do I have to have a conversation with these people again and ask them to forgive me for the animosity I've felt towards them, the way I've written them off, the things I've said behind their backs? Okay... now I'm gettin' a headache...
And then, here's Easter. It's so appropriate for us to discuss this topic this week, when we are reminded of the Ultimate Forgiver, the One who, through His death on the cross, blotted out or sins forever...and forgot them (not us), removed them from us as far as the East is from the West, hurled them to the bottom of the sea, no longer counted them against us. Forgiven. Free. Saved. Reconciled with God. What grudge in the world, could I/we possibly, legitimately justify holding on to?
What alternatives have you created for forgiveness? What have been the hardest hurdles to forgiveness for you? Share. Anonymously if you want.
"To err is human; to forgive, divine." Alexander PopeForgiveness comes with benefits.
For those of us struggling with forgiveness, here are a few resources you might find helpful. Some we have read ourselves, others have been recommended to us.
And if you've been blessed in your journey of forgiveness by a book that isn't listed here, be sure and leave us a comment so others can read it too!
FOR THOSE WHO'D LIKE A PASTOR'S POINT OF VIEW:
When You've Been Wronged: Moving From Bitterness to Forgiveness by Erwin Lutzer
Sometimes when we are wronged, we struggle to overcome the anger and bitterness that come with unforgiveness. Pastor Erwin Lutzer examines different types of offense and offenders and offers practical, biblical advice for handling these conflicts in a God-honoring and freedom-producing way.
FOR THOSE WHO NEED IT WOMAN TO WOMAN:
Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom by Nancy Leigh de Moss
Scripture says that offenses will come; people will let us down and we will let others down as well. Forgiveness, in these situations however, is left up to us to pray about and then practice. In her new book, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, the best-selling author of Lies Women Believe, asks the tough, penetrating questions about the healing of conflict – which is ultimately a call to repent and a pathway to freedom.
FOR THOSE WHO WANT A STUDY GUIDE:
Total Forgiveness Experience: A Study Guide to Repairing Relationships by RT Kendall & Joel Kilpatrick
Forgive yourself and others! It's the most fundamental teaching of the New Testament, and yet it's perhaps the hardest issue you will ever struggle with. This 13-week study will show you how to let go of grudges, avoid traps such as denial and pretending not to hurt, help others feel a new sense of freedom, and much more. Special features include probing questions, various exercises, and prayer tips. Ideal for personal use or group discussions.
FOR THOSE WHO WANT SOMETHING SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN:
Forgiveness is a Choice by Robert D Enright
For people who have been deeply hurt by another and caught in a vortex of anger, depression, and resentment. As a creator of the first scientifically proven forgiveness program in the country, Robert D. Enright shows how forgiveness can reduce anxiety and depression while increasing self-esteem and hopefulness toward one's future. This groundbreaking work demonstrates how forgiveness, approached in the correct manner, benefits the forgiver far more than the forgiven.
FOR THOSE WHO WANT A STORY:
The Pastor's Wife by Sabina Wurmbrand
The incredible story of Sabina Wurmbrand's imprisonment and survival during her husband's 14 years of persecution in communist prisons - because he was a pastor. Sabina's journey through forgiveness and keeping her faith in the darkest of times is a powerful story.
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