on holiday break

>> December 20, 2010

CLUTCH is taking a little break for the holidays, so we can spend quality time with our families and friends.

We'll be back in the new year!

In the meantime, we wish you the season's richest blessings,

the CLUTCH chicks

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deep roots

>> December 17, 2010

Normally, I write encouraging posts about life, ministry, or being a wife or mom. But lately we've had a season of outreach, so I wanted to share what we've done.

We are small, with only a few people, but God is shaking up our resources and giving us creative ideas, and we are seeing new people find Jesus each week!

Our city has a great downtown cultural area. It usually draws students from Georgia College & State University, since the university is in the heart of downtown. A few weeks ago, the city had a great festival called "Deep Roots". If ya'll could smell the bbq, your mouths would be watering. Music, crafts - I loved it all!!

We knew we wanted our church to be right in the middle of this great opportunity to reach out to more than 15,000 people. What a chance! We didn't want to just pass out flyers and say "come to our church". We wanted to create a fun atmosphere where people could really make a memory.

So we created a state of the art (ok, not really) photo booth! It was so fun!!! We hung black shower curtains from the top of our tent. Shower curtains because they are thicker and heavier then regular curtains and here in Georgia it can get a bit windy. We bought fun props and raided our kids' toys. Two stools went in front of the black curtain.

We also created a video (http://familyroomonline.org/familyroom/enter_site.html) to play on a flat screen while people walked by.

We had a huge bucket of silly bands which kids could have for free. Then we gave out a card for them to go to the website to get their photos, and got their email to send them pictures. They all signed by their email address to give us permission to post their photos to the web. (Permission and privacy is a BIG detail when working with people and the internet.)

We had an amazing response, and so much fun!!! We were also able to activate 20 new volunteers from our church that day! Watching them love people and have fun was so awesome! So many great conversations -- and several have come to church the last two weekends!

Here is the cost breakdown so you can see how we spent just a little to connect with 15.000 people:

$275 - Space @ Festival
$225 - Props/business cards/video/silly bands
$500 - Total Cost

And the REALLY awesome part? We sent a letter to friends and family, sharing our vision for the festival and two people donated $250. In the end, this event cost us nothing but time and love.

What can you do in your city to go deep and dig some roots in the heart of people around your church?

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2010, leave it behind

>> December 16, 2010


Friends,

I am so grateful for the opportunity to share life with you on CLUTCH's Wholehearted column.

As we close out 2010 and prepare to spend time with our families this holiday season I invite you to join me in leaving every hurt, pain, disappointment, shattered dream, broken promise, failures, mishappenchances, and every should of, could of and would of behind.

God's gift to us was his Son, which is why we celebrate Christmas. So together let's celebrate this Christmas, the opportunity to begin again, dream again and live again. God has great things in store for you in 2011. Regardless of what your past holds, your future is brighter!

If everyday in 2010 seemed like a night, 2011 holds a brighter day. If you had good year in 2010; I declare better are still ahead in 2011.

Celebrating the opportunity to begin again, dream again and live again are exciting to me! I love you all and wish you a wonderful Christmas Season! CLUTCH has some exciting things in store!

See you in 2011!

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SURVIVAL TIP #7

>> December 15, 2010

TIP #7: Send thank-you notes. 

People often love to do something nice for their PW.

But do you know what they like even better? Getting thanked for it!

A thank-you says that their gift or act didn't go unnoticed in your busy life. It tells them you place value on their kindness. And it says something about your character. You are the kind of woman who will pause for 3 minutes and acknowledge the effort of someone else.

Thank you emails are the minimum. A grateful phone call is nice. Hand-written notes are better - if it's at all possible.

In today's world of cold impersonal technology, the warmth of a little note can go a long way.

Got a survival tip that someone shared with you, or that you learned along the way? Send it in and we'll share it: clutchtalk [at] gmail [dot] com.

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quiet time resources

>> December 14, 2010

Continued from yesterday's post...


Online Devotionals
A a list of links to online devotional sites, from pastorswives.org.

Inspired to Action
A blog by Kat, a Christian mother, helping women effectively manage time at home:
http://inspiredtoaction.com/

Maximize Your Mornings
Katʼs e-book on practical ways to make mornings more meaningful with God:
http://www.inspiredtoaction.com/wp-content/uploads/kat/ITA_Maximize_Your_Mornings.pdf

Stress Management: 8 Tips for Busy Moms
A blog post with ideas for staying sane and slowing down.
http://www.ourdailydevotions.info/blog/70/stress-management-eight-tips-for-busy-moms/ 

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quiet time in a crazy world

>> December 13, 2010

this article was originally published in 
the 4th Quarter 2010 issue of The Journal,
an international magazine for pastor's wives

adapted and reposted here by special permission
by Sarah K Asaftei
Quiet time is tough to find. At least it is where I live.

I suppose in some cultures, pastorsʼ wives may manage to live at a slower pace, but the increase of technology makes life run faster nearly everywhere. Just to write this article, Iʼm snatching a few peaceful moments at 6 AM, before our household explodes into the dayʼs activities.

“Come away, and rest awhile,” Jesus told his disciples, when they were so busy ministering that they hadnʼt even taken a moment to eat. (Mark 6:31) But if youʼre like me, that can be a tough invitation to accept.

The thing is, if we want to minister effectively, if we want to make a lasting impact, if we want to be agents of revival among our congregations and communities - quiet time is something we cannot do without.

Revival at church can only come after personal revival at home.

Itʼs an inescapable fact. We simply cannot minister to others when we are empty ourselves. Even Jesus needed time away with his Father to rejuvenate and refill. But how do we actually make it happen? Where do we find the time?

Sometimes I look at older women, or at younger women, and I envy the extra free time they seem to have. Probably - to them - their lives feel just as busy as mine, filled with different activities. But itʼs easy to imagine that other people have more time to rest, or pray, or study.

As younger PWs, we tend to fall into a narrow set of categories: fiancee, newlywed, young mother. Iʼll admit, there are times when I daydream about the flexibility and freedom I once had to spend time alone with God during my 6 years of being a “newlywed”. Back when my dayʼs schedule was dictated by what I chose to do, instead of by feedings and diaper changes and nap times.

The silly thing is, I didnʼt think I had enough free time then, either. I thought I was so incredibly busy, and taking quiet time to be with God had to be just as intentional as it does today.

And thatʼs my point. It doesnʼt matter how old or young you are. It doesnʼt matter if you work or stay home. It doesnʼt matter if your house is full of children, or if you havenʼt had kids yet, or if they have all grown up and moved away.

Getting daily spiritual revival time has to be a conscious choice. It is never going to magically happen. And the less time you spend communing with God, the more empty and dried up youʼll eventually feel
toward others.

CLUTCH recently published a series of interviews asking several pastorʼs wives about their individual devotional habits. I asked each woman to share what they do during their devotions, how they make it actually happen, and what time of day they choose. (You can catch up on that series here.)

An interesting trend emerged. The women who reported having successful, regular daily devotions, all said that they wake up extra early to make it happen.

The ones who donʼt get up early, donʼt make it happen.

Now Iʼm sure that doesnʼt mean there isnʼt some woman out there who has quality, meaningful time with God every single day in the middle of the afternoon. But our best chance of spiritual rejuvenation comes early, before the dayʼs madness begins.

Right now, Iʼm in a season of life where even the early mornings are difficult. Some of you probably are right here with me. Between my 1 year old son and the new baby arriving shortly, it is not necessarily quieter before dawn! And it probably wonʼt calm down much for another year or two.

So what about us? What about the ones who do want to dedicate daily time with God, but being good mothers to our little ones makes quiet time all but impossible?

If your day is so full of babies that you hardly have time to shower (believe me, Iʼve been there!), try an unconventional approach to devotions. Play uplifting music and sing along while doing dishes, pray out loud while folding laundry, or turn on a recording of the Bible being read aloud while you nurse the baby. Talk to spiritual women whose children are a little older than yours, and ask them how they did it. There are all kinds of ways to commune with God.

Life brings all kinds of seasons. Some seasons bring flexibility, others bring exhaustion. Some seasons bring deep spiritual communion, others feel like a drought. Sometimes we are rejuvenated best through hours of deep study, other times God speaks to us through song, or uplifting relationships or supportive prayer partners.

Whatever your stage in life, whatever your season - the important thing to remember is that God longs to bring you spiritual revival each day. He hopes that youʼll think He is important enough to make it a priority in your day - even if you can only snatch a few minutes here or there.

If your season right now is flexible, why not choose to spend more time with God than you usually do? Maybe cut back on media consumption and other less valuable activities, and just soak up this part of your spiritual journey!

And if, like me, your current season is full of exhausted weariness, remember (like I'm trying to do!) that seasons come and go. This phase of life wonʼt last forever, and when it changes youʼll have a different schedule, with different amounts of time to spend talking to God.

Whatever your season, God wants to spend time with you today. What do you want to do with Him?

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impact, influence, inspire (week 1)

>> December 9, 2010

Three words have been ringing in my spirit for months now - Impact, Influence and Inspire.

Fellow Women of God, I want to encourage you to impact, influence and inspire the world around you.


In order to successfully accomplish this, we must get a few things in order. Over the next few weeks, here in the Wholehearted column, we will discuss how we can impact, influence and inspire the world around us.

To do this, one of the most important features is our need to take responsibility and care of ourselves.

Your physical, emotional and spiritual health is critically important if you are going to be able to influence and inspire the world around you. When was the last time you did something special for you? Taking care of you impacts your life, your marriage and your relationships.

Your spouse may not express it, your kids might not know how to articulate it - but a happy and healthy mommy and wife make for a good home.

To be continued...

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SURVIVAL TIP #6

>> December 8, 2010

TIP #6: Answer your phone. Or at least return your voice mails.


It's a common stereotype that the PW is impossible to get in touch with. I once answered my cell phone and the church member on the other line forgot what she called about in her shock.

No, you don't need to offer unlimited availability. And no, you should not let yourself be held hostage by members who can't seem to say "Goodbye".

But people value their PW. They want to know that if they need you, they can find you. If they are in crisis and need someone to pray with them, that you'll answer. If they're trying to invite you and your PH over for dinner, that they don't have to hope the pastor will remember to pass on the message to you.

Simple stuff like just answering your phone, at least whenever possible, can make a huge difference in perceptions.

Got a survival tip that someone shared with you, or that you learned along the way? Send it in and we'll share it: clutchtalk [at] gmail [dot] com.

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the view from the HOT SEAT

>> December 6, 2010

this article was originally published in 
the 3rd Quarter 2010 issue of The Journal,
an international magazine for pastor's wives

adapted and reposted here by special permission
by Sarah K Asaftei
Some months ago, I was sitting on the beach during our family vacation as we spent quality time with some (non-pastor) friends we hadn’t seen in years. The men had gone to swim in the waves, the little ones were happily building castles or eating sand. It was a deeply peaceful moment, full of companionship and comfortably meandering conversation.

And then my friend turned to me, and said “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Of course.”
 
I could see that she felt awkward. But she also felt the need to sort something out. Apparently, someone she knew from another state had been talking to a colleague of my husband’s from a previous church. And the grapevine had concocted a fantastical story of why we had left that district.
 
 “Did your husband really have to leave that church because of trouble with the church members?” She went on to detail the dramatic saga she had heard. “It doesn’t sound like you, but Mrs A told us all about it, and she heard it straight from Mrs B who was on the staff at your old church, so I wanted to ask you myself.”

It’s never fun when somebody else’s gossip-mongering puts you in the hot seat.
 
So I told her the real story. Our regional headquarters had re-districted 40 families last year, during the Christmas season, to avoid letting any pastors go due to the economy crunch. My husband was moved from an associate position to be the senior pastor of two churches. There was no conflict in the church we left behind. There was no drama (unless you count the craziness of househunting and moving just 6 weeks after our son was born).
 
The tale she had been told was pure fiction. A result of tongues wagging from person to person, as reality got manufactured through the rumor-mill. If I hadn’t known the source, I’d have been shocked. Even so, it wasn’t a pleasant surprise.
 
She apologized for bringing it up. She asked if I was okay. I reassured her that there’s no better university for growing thick skin than the school of life as a pastor’s wife.
 
And I actually thanked her for asking me about it directly. Many people hear gossip, and never bother to find out what is true and what is a lie. It’s rare when someone is honest and transparent enough to ask for the truth. I appreciated her bravery.
 
But, thick skin or not, no pastor’s wife likes hearing that she is the subject of back-stabbing chatter.
 
Later, as I shared the so-false-they-were-almost-hilarious details of the rumor with my PH, I felt a little sick to my stomach. Not particularly because of the content (it probably could've been worse), but because people I knew personally were spreading lies. Because those same people had smiled and hugged me and feigned interest in how I was doing.
 
I felt betrayed.

Part of me wanted to call and confront them directly. Right NOW. Another part of me wanted to hide away and make sure I never crossed paths with them again.

In my head, I imagined how I might react the next time we met, but not many of my mental pictures were Christlike. My husband and I prayed together and we agreed to let the situation alone, at least until we found a godly way to address it (which hasn't happened yet).
 
Two days later, my morning bible reading led me to Luke 7, where Jesus talks about people’s inability to be content.
 
“How can I account for the people of this generation? ... John the Baptizer came fasting and you called him crazy. The Son of Man came feasting and you called him a lush. Opinion polls don’t count for much, do they?” (v 31, 33-35, The Message)
 
Jesus said it himself - you can never make everyone happy.

No matter what I do, or what my husband does, someone is guaranteed to disagree. No matter where we go in ministry, or how God leads us, there will always be onlookers with a twisted version of the story.
 
So if the opinion polls don’t count, then what really matters? There’s only one question left to ask - what does God think of your situation?
 
It isn’t easy for me to let go of things like this. Ever since childhood, I’ve had a finely tuned sense of right and wrong, fairness and injustice. It’s hard for me to sit back, say nothing, and let people go on believing a falsehood. I tend to want the truth at any cost.

Maybe you’re a little like me?
 
But I’m learning to give things over to God and keep my mouth shut about it. I’m learning that He is big enough to set the record straight when the time is right.
 
And when I’m the one in the hot seat of others' rumors, I’m learning that there is only one subject I should obsess about: am I doing God’s will? Are my actions blameless according to what He has taught me? Have I checked with Jesus about my decision? Am I following His plan?
 
If I can answer those questions with a resounding “Yes!” then let the gossips chatter. Let the tongues wag. Let those who are jealous or intimidated or ill-informed have their opinions. They’ll move on to juicier news sooner or later - it's what slanderers do.

Just because gossip puts us in the hot seat, doesn’t mean we have to get burned.

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raising boys & the “love” factor

>> December 2, 2010

Every week, my son brings home a new book from the school library.

This week, the book was about a boy named Michael and a girl named Sheila. The first page opens up with the two standing in front of the fire station. Every time we read, we go over the front cover, back cover, spine, title page, and author for the purpose of familiarization. Then I have him tell me about the story through the pictures; then I go back and read it.

His version of the first page was “there was a boy and he was embarrassed.” I asked “why is he embarrassed?” (remember they are standing, facing each other in front of a fire station) He replied “because there is a girl, she is trying to grab his hand.”

Our dialogue continued, but this moment was an opportunity to teach, instruct, plant, guide and invest in my child. As a mommy raising boys, I have realized that I'm raising a next generation leader, husband, father, pastor, business owner, etc. 

How do you break down the “love” factor for your boys?

One day my children will be men, leading their own families and I want them to be clear on the concept of love. I am blessed beyond measure to have a wonderful and loving husband, the greatest male role model for our children that I could have dreamed for.

In raising boys up to be Godly men, knowing the breakdown of love according to the word of God is critical. I want to share with you points I took from a series my husband taught on love. It breaks down like this:
  • Phileo - a friendship love
  • Storge - the love siblings have for each other 
  • Eros - the physical love expressed between a man and a wife
  • Agape - God the Father’s love, loving with purpose, on purpose, by choice
While some think kindergarten and pre-K is too young to teach Greek, we feel that it's never too early to teach fundamentals. So off went our mommy-son dialog into what Phileo love is about.

If you're raising boys in your pastoral home, I invite you to consider all the teaching opportunities we have while our boys are still young. Make the most of them!

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SURVIVAL TIP #5

>> December 1, 2010

TIP #5: Say nothing to which you wouldn't happily sign your name and post in the church entryway for all to see. 

Just.

Don't.

People repeat stuff. Stuff gets twisted.

You'll end up explaining something you never meant "that way". Or, you totally meant it that way, but you were trusting that person to keep it to themselves and they didn't.

If you wouldn't want it printed in the worship bulletin for everyone to read, just skip it. Odds are, saying it out loud won't be helpful to anyone anyway. That goes for pretty much all categories - from joking about your husband's foibles, to sharing an opinion on someone's performance in church, to chatting about the decisions made in a recent church meeting.

Got a survival tip that someone shared with you, or that you learned along the way? Send it in and we'll share it: clutchtalk [at] gmail [dot] com.

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© CLUTCH, 2009-2010 unless otherwise sourced.
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